I have concluded I am just plain weird.
I just found Christmas lists from every year that Randy and I have been married.
10 years of every item I have bought anyone for Christmas, how much I spent every year and who I received Christmas cards from and who I sent them out to.
The thing is I thought that is was weird that I kept it and then I thought"well you never know if I might need that" so I put it back in the file folder and put in the christmas card box.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Vacation
We are home again from beautiful Gatlinburg,TN.
I am so thankful we were able to go away for awhile. We needed it more than I think we realized.
I am thankful for my awesome family. My parents decided last year to make memories with us instead of buying Christmas gifts.
So this was our second annual Rainey-Kemerly-Goodman-Fletcher getaway.
My parents rent a cabin for a week and my family, my brothers family, my Mamaw and my Aunt&Uncle go for the week.
The most amazing thing is we all get along and really enjoy each others company.
That is probably a miracle in itself!
The 4 grandkids have a blast. They get to sleep in a room by themselves. They played Indians in the woods, went on hikes and the best was Ober Gatlinburg.
My brother,sister-in-law, Randy & I took the kids up in the tram and then on the ski lift to the Alpine Slides. we had so much fun racing each other down. we would pick different people to race and see who could win. We all acted like big kids. It was AWESOME!
I am scared of heights so Randy thought I should ride the ski lift with Elijah since he was older. Big mistake. This kid is fearless. He was swinging around, getting it to bounce and wanting to jump out of it. I had to close my eyes most of the time. I love roller coasters, but going slowly up the side of the mountain in a tiny metal seat, where you are very aware of how high you are off the ground, not fun!
Ethan and Lauren are the youngest and they kept saying they wanted to ride the "Charlie". It took us forever to realize it was the trolley. So much for adults enunciating when they talk.
I also realized that I talk like my family. Do you know what "Yunt to" means?
Stay tuned to the next installment of Vacation to find out.........
Same Bat time, same Bat channel:)
I am so thankful we were able to go away for awhile. We needed it more than I think we realized.
I am thankful for my awesome family. My parents decided last year to make memories with us instead of buying Christmas gifts.
So this was our second annual Rainey-Kemerly-Goodman-Fletcher getaway.
My parents rent a cabin for a week and my family, my brothers family, my Mamaw and my Aunt&Uncle go for the week.
The most amazing thing is we all get along and really enjoy each others company.
That is probably a miracle in itself!
The 4 grandkids have a blast. They get to sleep in a room by themselves. They played Indians in the woods, went on hikes and the best was Ober Gatlinburg.
My brother,sister-in-law, Randy & I took the kids up in the tram and then on the ski lift to the Alpine Slides. we had so much fun racing each other down. we would pick different people to race and see who could win. We all acted like big kids. It was AWESOME!
I am scared of heights so Randy thought I should ride the ski lift with Elijah since he was older. Big mistake. This kid is fearless. He was swinging around, getting it to bounce and wanting to jump out of it. I had to close my eyes most of the time. I love roller coasters, but going slowly up the side of the mountain in a tiny metal seat, where you are very aware of how high you are off the ground, not fun!
Ethan and Lauren are the youngest and they kept saying they wanted to ride the "Charlie". It took us forever to realize it was the trolley. So much for adults enunciating when they talk.
I also realized that I talk like my family. Do you know what "Yunt to" means?
Stay tuned to the next installment of Vacation to find out.........
Same Bat time, same Bat channel:)
Good News! Good News!
To most people this would not seem like something to be excited about, but I am ecstatic!
We can FINALLY buy the remaining 75 acres of our land!
God told Randy and I to move out here almost 7 years ago. We have been in 2 different court battles over our land since then.
Talk about a major cause of stress.
God has helped us to grow through it and this last time we just said"what happens ,happens, I will not continue to loose my joy over this!"
I just heard the news that we will close on it before Dec. 1. I felt like a huge weight was just lifted off of me.
I kept telling Randy that this land must have gold buried in it somewhere for it to be such a huge deal to so many people that we NOT buy it.
I am excited because I feel like I can move on now. I don't have some weight from the past holding me down. The future is always uncertain (things never turn out how we think they should), but I feel like I can put both feet forward now and find out how this dream we have been dreaming for so long is going to turn out.
We can FINALLY buy the remaining 75 acres of our land!
God told Randy and I to move out here almost 7 years ago. We have been in 2 different court battles over our land since then.
Talk about a major cause of stress.
God has helped us to grow through it and this last time we just said"what happens ,happens, I will not continue to loose my joy over this!"
I just heard the news that we will close on it before Dec. 1. I felt like a huge weight was just lifted off of me.
I kept telling Randy that this land must have gold buried in it somewhere for it to be such a huge deal to so many people that we NOT buy it.
I am excited because I feel like I can move on now. I don't have some weight from the past holding me down. The future is always uncertain (things never turn out how we think they should), but I feel like I can put both feet forward now and find out how this dream we have been dreaming for so long is going to turn out.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
They will grow up to be Big People
We watched a video last night that ripped my heart open. I fought to control my emotions, but I really wanted to bolt out of the room and sob.
The vidoe was nothing more than a black screen with dialogue scrolling on the screen. Intermittingly a child's voice would read the script. It was POWERFUL!
It was all from a child's point of view on being in the system, foster care or adoptive home.
How they feel powerless, violated, ashamed. And how the longer it goes on the more rage they hold in, waiting until they can get some power or say in their life.
It made you really think about how a child would feel.
At the end a sweet, little girl voice said"Don't forget, someday we will be big people, too."
That hit me hard. How are we preparing our kids? Even our own kids.
Are we giving them attention, affection, love, discipline?
Or do we ignore them or treat them as a nuisance? Do we treat them as a bother and stay so busy we can't spend any time with them? Are we teaching them kindness, compassion, sharing, forgiveness?
What about the kids being passed from home to home to home? What life lessons are they learning? Should we be surprised at their hard hearts?
Are we equipping them to be the Big People?
Are we going to get a sad surprise?
The vidoe was nothing more than a black screen with dialogue scrolling on the screen. Intermittingly a child's voice would read the script. It was POWERFUL!
It was all from a child's point of view on being in the system, foster care or adoptive home.
How they feel powerless, violated, ashamed. And how the longer it goes on the more rage they hold in, waiting until they can get some power or say in their life.
It made you really think about how a child would feel.
At the end a sweet, little girl voice said"Don't forget, someday we will be big people, too."
That hit me hard. How are we preparing our kids? Even our own kids.
Are we giving them attention, affection, love, discipline?
Or do we ignore them or treat them as a nuisance? Do we treat them as a bother and stay so busy we can't spend any time with them? Are we teaching them kindness, compassion, sharing, forgiveness?
What about the kids being passed from home to home to home? What life lessons are they learning? Should we be surprised at their hard hearts?
Are we equipping them to be the Big People?
Are we going to get a sad surprise?
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Some people are just evil
I have always known that sin is in our world. I just try to push it out of my mind most of the time. Last night Randy and I attended our first foster parenting/ adoption class. I was sick to my stomach after one class. I just couldn't fathom how evil people are. How are they capable of doing such horrendous things to children? I don't know if I will be able to handle the next 6 weeks.
Randy came away excited because it renewed his thoughts of helping give just one kid love, structure, safety, family. I came away terrified that I will not be able to handle what these kids have been through.
Growing up I was never abused in any way. Now I realize what an absolute miracle that was. I don't know why God protected me and kept me from it, but He did. Now my heart breaks for those who have been abused and I can't understand why adults do such things to kids. My mind can't comprehend it.
I'm scared I am so naive that I won't be able to function in this process.
I know God brought Randy and I together from such diverse backgrounds for a reason, but I feel like Mrs. Cleaver transplanted into an episode of CSI. (Not that I wear pearls with my best dress when I clean my house!)
The closer we get the more inadequate I feel.
Randy came away excited because it renewed his thoughts of helping give just one kid love, structure, safety, family. I came away terrified that I will not be able to handle what these kids have been through.
Growing up I was never abused in any way. Now I realize what an absolute miracle that was. I don't know why God protected me and kept me from it, but He did. Now my heart breaks for those who have been abused and I can't understand why adults do such things to kids. My mind can't comprehend it.
I'm scared I am so naive that I won't be able to function in this process.
I know God brought Randy and I together from such diverse backgrounds for a reason, but I feel like Mrs. Cleaver transplanted into an episode of CSI. (Not that I wear pearls with my best dress when I clean my house!)
The closer we get the more inadequate I feel.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Surprise! A new business venture
God does work in amazing ways.
I have been praying for months about bringing some extra cash into our family. The traditional way of getting a 9-5 job (or equivalent) was out because I am dedicated to giving my kids the best education possible. I just can't do that while working away from home.
So I have been praying and thinking up things I can do from home. i don't have many talents, so I was coming up with a big, fat zero!
Then out of the blue it happened.
Randy sells honey at his work. Then we started making honey-cinnamon & plain honey butter(made with REAL butter). Some people wanted to test before they bought, so I made some yeast bread. Well, they all wanted to buy the bread! I have been making about 8 loaves a week and Randy is just selling it at work. Then someone said if I made a basket with a variety of breads and the butters they would buy it for Christmas. So now I am trying different breads for a Christmas basket.
It is often the simple things, right in front of our face that God is trying to say"Just open your eyes, it's right there" He probably wants to add a big DUMMY to the end of that:)
It is just amazing. I love to cook, but I really enjoy making breads. They are my favorite. I get to do it at home and I have made it a sort of cooking class and teach the kids while I do it. They help and learn to cook in the process. Who woulda thunk it!
I have been praying for months about bringing some extra cash into our family. The traditional way of getting a 9-5 job (or equivalent) was out because I am dedicated to giving my kids the best education possible. I just can't do that while working away from home.
So I have been praying and thinking up things I can do from home. i don't have many talents, so I was coming up with a big, fat zero!
Then out of the blue it happened.
Randy sells honey at his work. Then we started making honey-cinnamon & plain honey butter(made with REAL butter). Some people wanted to test before they bought, so I made some yeast bread. Well, they all wanted to buy the bread! I have been making about 8 loaves a week and Randy is just selling it at work. Then someone said if I made a basket with a variety of breads and the butters they would buy it for Christmas. So now I am trying different breads for a Christmas basket.
It is often the simple things, right in front of our face that God is trying to say"Just open your eyes, it's right there" He probably wants to add a big DUMMY to the end of that:)
It is just amazing. I love to cook, but I really enjoy making breads. They are my favorite. I get to do it at home and I have made it a sort of cooking class and teach the kids while I do it. They help and learn to cook in the process. Who woulda thunk it!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Michigan, Here we come!
My brother and I are setting out tomorrow morning for my cousins funeral in Michigan.
Because of work schedules and such, My sister-in-law and Randy can't go.
So for 8 hours there, stay an hour or so, 8 hours back, it is me and my brother. I don't think since we both lived at home have we spent 20 consecutive hours together, alone. This will be interesting.
We don't have a lot in common, or least we don't know that we do. Maybe this will be a good trip for us.
If you think of it pray for my family. Most of my Dad's side of the family will be making long trips this weekend. Most of them live in southern Indiana, so it will be a long trip. Watch out on the roads, a bunch of aggressive Rainey's are headed North for the weekend!
Randy and the boys will be on their own until the wee hours Friday. (I hope I make it home before Randy leaves for work, I never that of that until now!)
Randy makes a good bluff about not being able to cook or do housework. He is very skilled in that area, I think I have spoiled him a little bit. I enjoy spoiling him so it is o.k.
So a quick trip to Michigan is on the agenda. It's gonna be interesting!
Because of work schedules and such, My sister-in-law and Randy can't go.
So for 8 hours there, stay an hour or so, 8 hours back, it is me and my brother. I don't think since we both lived at home have we spent 20 consecutive hours together, alone. This will be interesting.
We don't have a lot in common, or least we don't know that we do. Maybe this will be a good trip for us.
If you think of it pray for my family. Most of my Dad's side of the family will be making long trips this weekend. Most of them live in southern Indiana, so it will be a long trip. Watch out on the roads, a bunch of aggressive Rainey's are headed North for the weekend!
Randy and the boys will be on their own until the wee hours Friday. (I hope I make it home before Randy leaves for work, I never that of that until now!)
Randy makes a good bluff about not being able to cook or do housework. He is very skilled in that area, I think I have spoiled him a little bit. I enjoy spoiling him so it is o.k.
So a quick trip to Michigan is on the agenda. It's gonna be interesting!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Flagging Traffic
The worst job I have ever had was/is flagging traffic. Whenever my Dad calls and says "wear your orange" I feel like I am going to puke!
To explain for any one who doesn't know and wants some insight into my life.
My Dad and brother started a road construction company a few years ago. Usually it is the 3 of us putting in box culverts or other misc. work for the State of Indiana. It works out great because I can be a full-time Mom for about 10 months and work a couple of months during the summer, make decent money to pay off bills and by the time the job is over I am ready to stay at home again. I am more appreciated at home and I appreciate being at home. A win, win situation. ......... Until I had to flag traffic.
The first couple of times weren't too bad. Then I had a bad experience a couple of years ago. A man was driving and dropped his cigerette(sp?) in his lap. By the time he looked up it was almost too late. He slammed on his brakes and swerved around me. I KNOW for a fact that God spared me because there was no way I should have not been hit. The skid marks alone showed I should have been hit, but God saved me.
I said for get it, I will NOT do that again. My family doesn't listen very well. Last summer they made me flag again. This time a semi apparently thought that I was just kidding with the big red stop sign and decided that he didn't have to stop. This time I dove into the ditch to keep from getting hit!
Then I said to my Dad "I mean business! I will NOT flag again!!!!'
Guess what I did today? I wore my orange and held that stupid sign. They thought it was funny, but I thought i was going to have a panic attack. I only had to do it for a short period of time, but I said "This is my LAST TIME!"
They never listen to me anyway, I wonder why I bother?
They should let me drive the back hoe...... I've gotten better with practice!
To explain for any one who doesn't know and wants some insight into my life.
My Dad and brother started a road construction company a few years ago. Usually it is the 3 of us putting in box culverts or other misc. work for the State of Indiana. It works out great because I can be a full-time Mom for about 10 months and work a couple of months during the summer, make decent money to pay off bills and by the time the job is over I am ready to stay at home again. I am more appreciated at home and I appreciate being at home. A win, win situation. ......... Until I had to flag traffic.
The first couple of times weren't too bad. Then I had a bad experience a couple of years ago. A man was driving and dropped his cigerette(sp?) in his lap. By the time he looked up it was almost too late. He slammed on his brakes and swerved around me. I KNOW for a fact that God spared me because there was no way I should have not been hit. The skid marks alone showed I should have been hit, but God saved me.
I said for get it, I will NOT do that again. My family doesn't listen very well. Last summer they made me flag again. This time a semi apparently thought that I was just kidding with the big red stop sign and decided that he didn't have to stop. This time I dove into the ditch to keep from getting hit!
Then I said to my Dad "I mean business! I will NOT flag again!!!!'
Guess what I did today? I wore my orange and held that stupid sign. They thought it was funny, but I thought i was going to have a panic attack. I only had to do it for a short period of time, but I said "This is my LAST TIME!"
They never listen to me anyway, I wonder why I bother?
They should let me drive the back hoe...... I've gotten better with practice!
Monday, August 15, 2005
A Home Schooling Success
yeah! It is time for school again.
We are home-schooling for the second year and we are slowly trying to get motivated for the year to start.
i just had one of those great moments where I thought "maybe they are ACTUALLY learning something!!!!"
Ethan was asking Elijah questions about the freezing and boiling points of water. Elijah remembered what he had learned from last year and was telling Ethan all about it. It was an exciting moment to realize my kids have retained something from last year.
I have had so many positives from being with my kids. Teaching Ethan to read, Helping Elijah recapture his love of reading, boosting Elijah's self-esteem, discovering Ethan's love of cooking, the list goes on and on. I'm thankful God helped me to go against the grain and not conform just because it was what was best for everyone else. I'm glad God gave me the courage to see what wasn't working for my kids and stand up for them and try a new thing to find out what worked.
I pray I can equip them enough to be a positive influence in society and not be afraid to go against the grain and always be quick to do what is right and obedient to God.
I just pray I can lead them by example and not just by words.
We are home-schooling for the second year and we are slowly trying to get motivated for the year to start.
i just had one of those great moments where I thought "maybe they are ACTUALLY learning something!!!!"
Ethan was asking Elijah questions about the freezing and boiling points of water. Elijah remembered what he had learned from last year and was telling Ethan all about it. It was an exciting moment to realize my kids have retained something from last year.
I have had so many positives from being with my kids. Teaching Ethan to read, Helping Elijah recapture his love of reading, boosting Elijah's self-esteem, discovering Ethan's love of cooking, the list goes on and on. I'm thankful God helped me to go against the grain and not conform just because it was what was best for everyone else. I'm glad God gave me the courage to see what wasn't working for my kids and stand up for them and try a new thing to find out what worked.
I pray I can equip them enough to be a positive influence in society and not be afraid to go against the grain and always be quick to do what is right and obedient to God.
I just pray I can lead them by example and not just by words.
A Minor Irritation
It's always the little things. I am currently trying to prove to a lab that did lab work for Randy that I paid them.
They have my money and now I have to spend my time proving to them that they have my money.
I had to do it last year with the hospital, too.
It's irritating, but I guess it is better than paying them all over again.
Have companies gotten so big and out of touch with their customers/patients that they can't even keep track of who has paid their account and who hasn't?
They have my money and now I have to spend my time proving to them that they have my money.
I had to do it last year with the hospital, too.
It's irritating, but I guess it is better than paying them all over again.
Have companies gotten so big and out of touch with their customers/patients that they can't even keep track of who has paid their account and who hasn't?
Sunday, August 07, 2005
The Big 3-0
I just turned 30. I thought I would be indifferent about it. No big deal. I have been very surprised about the amount of thought I have put into where my life is and where my life was as an 17 year old and where my life is headed.
I realized a few things about getting older. I have actually learned from my mistakes. My attitudes have changed. I am a stronger person.
When I was 17, just graduated from high school. my life was planned. i would go to college and become some type of professional. I would make a life for myself and in no way would any man tell me what to do. I was my own person I was going to do what I wanted to do.
Then I met Randy and EVERYTHING changed! I fell in love and married way sooner than I had planned. We had a baby and we decided that I would stay home. no career for me. Now the 17 year old me would think I was the stupidest person ever. I thank God He softened my heart because staying home with my boys is one of the most important decisions God helped me make in my life. It is one of the hardest ones to stick with for financial reasons and it is the one decision that has already had the most tangible benefits. Never, ever, ever would I have envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom and loving it so much!
I have seen how my walk with God has changed so much. I think it is for the better. As a new Christian I was intimidated by authority, mature Christians, anyone with power or more knowledge than me. Now I don't have as much knowledge as I should for as long as I have been a christian, but I know God loves me now! That is a revelation that took 12 years of battling with myself on why God shouldn't love me. It has been a long time coming to say God loves me and really know it. i want to walk my own walk now. I am willing to take responsibilty for my own mistakes. I want a one-on-one intimacy with God that is not influenced by the opinions of friends or family or the church. I am realizing how fallible people are. We are full of opinion, but lacking letting God have the full control and admitting we don't know it all. I believe God for all things, but I am ready to stand up for myself and tell people that I am just not interested about opinions anymore. When I stand before God I can't blame my church or friends for my mistakes. I must start taking FULL accountabilty for my actions now. I don't want to play the blame game anymore. I want to live my own life (making decisions with Randy of course) without the commentary of everyone who thinks they know how to live my life better than me.
There is freedom and the peace of God where I am at because where I was strangled by what my parents or friends or sometimes strangers thought, now I care what a select few think, but I will not let that keep me from following after God. Even when it seems what He is saying is too crazy to believe i don't want to miss God because someone called me stupid. I have learned the more I hear it the easy it becomes.
I really don't mind getting older, but now i realize I am not as fun loving as I used to be. I was a crazy cut-up. We would practical joke people in the middle of the night. Even when Elijah was a baby we would put him in his baby seat and I would carry him sneaking through the yard trying to scare Randy's cousin. It sounds kind of stupid, but we had so much fun! I feel like I have become to much of a Mom in the sense of I say things like, "you better quit or you will put your eye out" Geez that is what makes me feel old! If there is any one thing thatI feel was better when I was younger it is the fact that I was so much more fun. I would like to just recapture that part of myself because I liked myself so much better.
So much for the walk down memory lane. Getting older is enevitable so I had better make the best of it!
I realized a few things about getting older. I have actually learned from my mistakes. My attitudes have changed. I am a stronger person.
When I was 17, just graduated from high school. my life was planned. i would go to college and become some type of professional. I would make a life for myself and in no way would any man tell me what to do. I was my own person I was going to do what I wanted to do.
Then I met Randy and EVERYTHING changed! I fell in love and married way sooner than I had planned. We had a baby and we decided that I would stay home. no career for me. Now the 17 year old me would think I was the stupidest person ever. I thank God He softened my heart because staying home with my boys is one of the most important decisions God helped me make in my life. It is one of the hardest ones to stick with for financial reasons and it is the one decision that has already had the most tangible benefits. Never, ever, ever would I have envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom and loving it so much!
I have seen how my walk with God has changed so much. I think it is for the better. As a new Christian I was intimidated by authority, mature Christians, anyone with power or more knowledge than me. Now I don't have as much knowledge as I should for as long as I have been a christian, but I know God loves me now! That is a revelation that took 12 years of battling with myself on why God shouldn't love me. It has been a long time coming to say God loves me and really know it. i want to walk my own walk now. I am willing to take responsibilty for my own mistakes. I want a one-on-one intimacy with God that is not influenced by the opinions of friends or family or the church. I am realizing how fallible people are. We are full of opinion, but lacking letting God have the full control and admitting we don't know it all. I believe God for all things, but I am ready to stand up for myself and tell people that I am just not interested about opinions anymore. When I stand before God I can't blame my church or friends for my mistakes. I must start taking FULL accountabilty for my actions now. I don't want to play the blame game anymore. I want to live my own life (making decisions with Randy of course) without the commentary of everyone who thinks they know how to live my life better than me.
There is freedom and the peace of God where I am at because where I was strangled by what my parents or friends or sometimes strangers thought, now I care what a select few think, but I will not let that keep me from following after God. Even when it seems what He is saying is too crazy to believe i don't want to miss God because someone called me stupid. I have learned the more I hear it the easy it becomes.
I really don't mind getting older, but now i realize I am not as fun loving as I used to be. I was a crazy cut-up. We would practical joke people in the middle of the night. Even when Elijah was a baby we would put him in his baby seat and I would carry him sneaking through the yard trying to scare Randy's cousin. It sounds kind of stupid, but we had so much fun! I feel like I have become to much of a Mom in the sense of I say things like, "you better quit or you will put your eye out" Geez that is what makes me feel old! If there is any one thing thatI feel was better when I was younger it is the fact that I was so much more fun. I would like to just recapture that part of myself because I liked myself so much better.
So much for the walk down memory lane. Getting older is enevitable so I had better make the best of it!
Monday, August 01, 2005
blessings part 2
I am struggling with some things right now, so I thought it was time to visit my list of blessings.
There is a scripture about to whom much is given much is expected and I believe I have been given much so a lot is expected out of me.
I was given a loving home.
I was given health.
I was given a brain to think for myself.
I was given the ability to zip my lips.
I was given the most wonderful children.
I was given the ability to love.
I was given the ability to forgive.
I was given a husband that treats me better than I ever deserve.
I was given a chance to worship God with every breathe I take.
I was given a home that I don't deserve
I was given a peaceful childhood without any abuse.
I was given parents who loved me enough to discipline me and even tell me "NO".
I was given the opportunity to stay at home with my children.
I was given the ability to cherish every moment with my children and delight in being their Mom.
i haven't even scratched the surface of all the things God has given me, but I feel better just thinking on His good things1
There is a scripture about to whom much is given much is expected and I believe I have been given much so a lot is expected out of me.
I was given a loving home.
I was given health.
I was given a brain to think for myself.
I was given the ability to zip my lips.
I was given the most wonderful children.
I was given the ability to love.
I was given the ability to forgive.
I was given a husband that treats me better than I ever deserve.
I was given a chance to worship God with every breathe I take.
I was given a home that I don't deserve
I was given a peaceful childhood without any abuse.
I was given parents who loved me enough to discipline me and even tell me "NO".
I was given the opportunity to stay at home with my children.
I was given the ability to cherish every moment with my children and delight in being their Mom.
i haven't even scratched the surface of all the things God has given me, but I feel better just thinking on His good things1
Saturday, June 18, 2005
It's in the Mail
Today I mailed our paperwork for the adoption/foster care process to begin. Our classes are scheduled and by mid-September we should be qualified to foster and/or adopt. I just ask for prayers and more prayers.This is a big step.
I had a dream last night that I just can't get out of my head :
I was a part of a military group, but we were civilians. We were in an other country and 3 people from our group went to another command post. While they were gone the President of the country declared war against us. Myself and another person went to help the 3 at the out post. On our way there we were met by a group of Americans who needed a place to hide. It was a diverse group. Young and old, sick and healthy. I decided we had to get them back to the command post we just came from. I was carrying a small child and trying to help a sick woman. We tried to blend in with the inhabitants of the town so the military would not see us. A person I recognized came running to catch up to our group but she was detected by the army. She turned and ran up the side of the mountain to not give us away. She was going from apartment to apartment trying to get in and not look suspicious. My heart broke for her, but I could not help because I had this whole group of people I needed to get to safety. We began walking down side streets trying to avoid the army. A person from this country came up to me and gave me his son to take with me and care for him. I tried to refuse, but he would not take "no" for an answer. we crossed a street and tried to go through the backyards of the homes so we could hide easier. as we about to climb over a fence a large suv pulled into the driveway and the driver started to wave a large machine gun at us and was going to kill us. the little boy who lived in the neighborhood stood in front of us to protect us. At this moment I thought of the president of this country and I was out raged. I saw us all as little pawns in his game. He didn't care if we all died and he didn't care if we killed the man in the suv. He wanted his end result no matter who had to die. Then the face of the president changed and became the devil and I saw that we were all just pawns in his little game. I became furious at being used. I didn't want to be a token to be used at his whim anymore. I refused to play the game. Then I woke up.
I had a dream last night that I just can't get out of my head :
I was a part of a military group, but we were civilians. We were in an other country and 3 people from our group went to another command post. While they were gone the President of the country declared war against us. Myself and another person went to help the 3 at the out post. On our way there we were met by a group of Americans who needed a place to hide. It was a diverse group. Young and old, sick and healthy. I decided we had to get them back to the command post we just came from. I was carrying a small child and trying to help a sick woman. We tried to blend in with the inhabitants of the town so the military would not see us. A person I recognized came running to catch up to our group but she was detected by the army. She turned and ran up the side of the mountain to not give us away. She was going from apartment to apartment trying to get in and not look suspicious. My heart broke for her, but I could not help because I had this whole group of people I needed to get to safety. We began walking down side streets trying to avoid the army. A person from this country came up to me and gave me his son to take with me and care for him. I tried to refuse, but he would not take "no" for an answer. we crossed a street and tried to go through the backyards of the homes so we could hide easier. as we about to climb over a fence a large suv pulled into the driveway and the driver started to wave a large machine gun at us and was going to kill us. the little boy who lived in the neighborhood stood in front of us to protect us. At this moment I thought of the president of this country and I was out raged. I saw us all as little pawns in his game. He didn't care if we all died and he didn't care if we killed the man in the suv. He wanted his end result no matter who had to die. Then the face of the president changed and became the devil and I saw that we were all just pawns in his little game. I became furious at being used. I didn't want to be a token to be used at his whim anymore. I refused to play the game. Then I woke up.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Ordinary or extraordinary?
Questions: How do we decide what is an ordinary event?
How do we decide what is an ordinary person?
What makes it extraordinary?
Randy and I watched the movie Miracle with Kurt Russell over the weekend. It made me think. This was a movie about the United States Mens Olympic hockey team. They did the unthinkable and beat the unbeatable Russian team and went on to win the gold. That really isn't where I saw the miracle. It was how the coach picked his team. He didn't go for the super-stars, the ones everyone expected would be picked. He picked each person for a purpose. He didn't pick the extraordinary, he picked the ordinary. What happened after they believed they were a family was a miracle.
There were 3 guys they called "The Cone Heads". They were kind of goofy and no one gave them much of a thought, but they brought their team to victory with goal after goal. The goalie was in a slump after his mother died. They didn't think he could make the big plays, but the coach believed in him and expected him to play to his potential. He gave him a chance.
All of this made me think of my life, how we look at other people. How many times do we over look the ordinary to cling to what we think is extraordinary? We could be extraordinary if we weren't always looking for the extraordinary in people, places or events. How many hurting people could be extraordinary if only they had someone to believe in their potential, someone to just stand by their side. How many of us are "The Cone Heads" that get dismissed, but put with the right team we can excel. Don't over look the ordinary in people or events because God WILL turn that ordinary into EXTRAORDINARY in the blink of an eye, if we would only believe it could happen!
How do we decide what is an ordinary person?
What makes it extraordinary?
Randy and I watched the movie Miracle with Kurt Russell over the weekend. It made me think. This was a movie about the United States Mens Olympic hockey team. They did the unthinkable and beat the unbeatable Russian team and went on to win the gold. That really isn't where I saw the miracle. It was how the coach picked his team. He didn't go for the super-stars, the ones everyone expected would be picked. He picked each person for a purpose. He didn't pick the extraordinary, he picked the ordinary. What happened after they believed they were a family was a miracle.
There were 3 guys they called "The Cone Heads". They were kind of goofy and no one gave them much of a thought, but they brought their team to victory with goal after goal. The goalie was in a slump after his mother died. They didn't think he could make the big plays, but the coach believed in him and expected him to play to his potential. He gave him a chance.
All of this made me think of my life, how we look at other people. How many times do we over look the ordinary to cling to what we think is extraordinary? We could be extraordinary if we weren't always looking for the extraordinary in people, places or events. How many hurting people could be extraordinary if only they had someone to believe in their potential, someone to just stand by their side. How many of us are "The Cone Heads" that get dismissed, but put with the right team we can excel. Don't over look the ordinary in people or events because God WILL turn that ordinary into EXTRAORDINARY in the blink of an eye, if we would only believe it could happen!
Monday, May 23, 2005
Jump-Start Your Dreams
Have you ever had a dream that you knew would come true, but just kind of pushed to the back burner because it was too big to comprehend?
I have quite a few like that and God is bringing them to the fore front really quickly!
We are on the verge of some life changing things and I am terrified! I think it is more of afraid I am not hearing God and will choose the wrong door so to speak.
He is capable and I think those dreams that we thought too big to come true need to be dusted off, taken out of the box and see what mighty things God will do!
I have quite a few like that and God is bringing them to the fore front really quickly!
We are on the verge of some life changing things and I am terrified! I think it is more of afraid I am not hearing God and will choose the wrong door so to speak.
He is capable and I think those dreams that we thought too big to come true need to be dusted off, taken out of the box and see what mighty things God will do!
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Dirty Laundry
It is time to realize the good things in life. I never thought about laundry being a good thing until we moved into our new house.
When we lived in the trailer we had no room for a dryer, it was placed in our block building quite a ways away from the house. Laundry wasn't a simple task. I had to drag it out to the building rain or shine, day or night. Let me tell you I was scared to death a few times by a possum or raccoon rummaging for food. The joys of country life! There were also the times I had no dryer and had to clean clothes in shifts to get them dry or hang them on the line in the freezing cold.
Now that I have a dryer ( that works) I can so I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!!
It is really a blessing that makes my life easier. As I was thinking of my blessing today I thought "Oh, Lord don't let me take this blessing for granted. Help me to remember what it was like before, so that I don't get greedy." I don't ever want to forget the good things. I don't want to throw them to the side like an old, used toy and greedily ask for more. Help me to be thankful and content and continually use all of the good things God has provided for me.
When we lived in the trailer we had no room for a dryer, it was placed in our block building quite a ways away from the house. Laundry wasn't a simple task. I had to drag it out to the building rain or shine, day or night. Let me tell you I was scared to death a few times by a possum or raccoon rummaging for food. The joys of country life! There were also the times I had no dryer and had to clean clothes in shifts to get them dry or hang them on the line in the freezing cold.
Now that I have a dryer ( that works) I can so I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!!
It is really a blessing that makes my life easier. As I was thinking of my blessing today I thought "Oh, Lord don't let me take this blessing for granted. Help me to remember what it was like before, so that I don't get greedy." I don't ever want to forget the good things. I don't want to throw them to the side like an old, used toy and greedily ask for more. Help me to be thankful and content and continually use all of the good things God has provided for me.
Friday, May 06, 2005
The Church Lady
The shrill, schreeching of the phone startled the little Church Lady. She was so engrossed with planning her up-coming meeting she really hesitated to even answer the phone.
"Hello" she said in a curt voice.
"Mom, I am so glad I caught you. I have to work over today, could you please watch the girls for me?" It was her daughter, Darlene asking another favor.
"Now, you know I have my Ladies Tea at church today and I just can't do it." Was the Church Ladies quick reply.
"Mom it would really help me out. We are behind on some bills and the overtime is such a blessing." Darlene responded in a weak, tired voice.
" Well if you would have come to church with me like I asked, you wouldn't be in this mess. I really need to hurry, I hope you can find someone. Tell the girls 'Granny loves them', I have to go now, Bye!" And the Church lady quickly hung up the phone without giving her daughter a chance to respond.
Out the door she rushed, she was never late. It would just not look right for the co-chair of the ladies tea to be late. " I shouldn't have answered the phone," she thought with annoyance.
As she hurried down the street reviewing in her head what the topic of the social would be today, she almost ran right into Leroy.
"Hi'ya, Miss Church Lady." He cried out in his tiny, excited, little boy voice.
"Hello, Leroy," she called out as she tried to hurry past him.
"Miss Church Lady, can I rake your leaves today? You said I could and I really could use the money. Tomorrow is Momma's birthday and I want to get her something special." Leroy waited with anticipation for the Church Lady's reply. Already in his mind he was picking out his beloved Momma's birthday present.
"No Leroy, not today, you know I have a meeting at the church. Now run along, I am in hurry," was the Church Lady's curt reply.
Leroy turned to leave, hot tears burning in his eyes. " What good is a stupid ole' church meeting anyhow" he thought angrily.
The Church lady was ecstatic after her Ladies Tea. It always lifted her spirits, being around all of the of the other saints of the church. She had been nominated to head up the bake sale to raise money for the orphanage in China. She was going to bring her famous chocolate chip cookies. She just knew they would be the top seller. She rushed home to get her grocery list together, she wanted to get to baking her cookies right away. Doing work for the church just made her feel buoyant with joy.
At the grocery, the Church Lady made the mistake of getting in line behind a young mother with two small children. The babies were crying and to make matters worse, she didn't have enough money for all of her groceries. As the distraught, young mother made the painstaking decision of which items she would have to do without, the Church lady thought smugly, " Well, I am so glad I have my finances in order. You would never catch me in such a predicament. The good Lord takes care of me because I am always quick to give to those in need. I always send money to the orphans and contribute to the building fund."
That night as the Church lady curled up in her favorite chair, she reflected on her day. Her heart was warm with knowing how much she had accomplished for her Lord today. She would sleep well knowing all was right in her heart. Sweet Dreams, Church Lady.
"Hello" she said in a curt voice.
"Mom, I am so glad I caught you. I have to work over today, could you please watch the girls for me?" It was her daughter, Darlene asking another favor.
"Now, you know I have my Ladies Tea at church today and I just can't do it." Was the Church Ladies quick reply.
"Mom it would really help me out. We are behind on some bills and the overtime is such a blessing." Darlene responded in a weak, tired voice.
" Well if you would have come to church with me like I asked, you wouldn't be in this mess. I really need to hurry, I hope you can find someone. Tell the girls 'Granny loves them', I have to go now, Bye!" And the Church lady quickly hung up the phone without giving her daughter a chance to respond.
Out the door she rushed, she was never late. It would just not look right for the co-chair of the ladies tea to be late. " I shouldn't have answered the phone," she thought with annoyance.
As she hurried down the street reviewing in her head what the topic of the social would be today, she almost ran right into Leroy.
"Hi'ya, Miss Church Lady." He cried out in his tiny, excited, little boy voice.
"Hello, Leroy," she called out as she tried to hurry past him.
"Miss Church Lady, can I rake your leaves today? You said I could and I really could use the money. Tomorrow is Momma's birthday and I want to get her something special." Leroy waited with anticipation for the Church Lady's reply. Already in his mind he was picking out his beloved Momma's birthday present.
"No Leroy, not today, you know I have a meeting at the church. Now run along, I am in hurry," was the Church Lady's curt reply.
Leroy turned to leave, hot tears burning in his eyes. " What good is a stupid ole' church meeting anyhow" he thought angrily.
The Church lady was ecstatic after her Ladies Tea. It always lifted her spirits, being around all of the of the other saints of the church. She had been nominated to head up the bake sale to raise money for the orphanage in China. She was going to bring her famous chocolate chip cookies. She just knew they would be the top seller. She rushed home to get her grocery list together, she wanted to get to baking her cookies right away. Doing work for the church just made her feel buoyant with joy.
At the grocery, the Church Lady made the mistake of getting in line behind a young mother with two small children. The babies were crying and to make matters worse, she didn't have enough money for all of her groceries. As the distraught, young mother made the painstaking decision of which items she would have to do without, the Church lady thought smugly, " Well, I am so glad I have my finances in order. You would never catch me in such a predicament. The good Lord takes care of me because I am always quick to give to those in need. I always send money to the orphans and contribute to the building fund."
That night as the Church lady curled up in her favorite chair, she reflected on her day. Her heart was warm with knowing how much she had accomplished for her Lord today. She would sleep well knowing all was right in her heart. Sweet Dreams, Church Lady.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
The Hospital Bed
His tears were hot and salty as they streamed freely down his face. They landed in a huge puddle on the starched white pillow case. His arm ached from the i.v., it was torture to not be able to lay on his side. The white walls of his hospital room closed around him as he cried out to a God he wasn't even sure he wanted to believe existed. He was battling in his mind, his emotions and thoughts and memories were colliding with one another and becoming a mixed up tangled mess. He cried out to a god he knew had forsaken him. He yelled and screamed 'Why, Why, Why' over and over again in his head. 'why did you even create me to live such a mess. I had no Dad to teach me to be a man, I had no Mother to comfort me and teach me about love. I have been abandoned my whole life and now I lay wracked with pain, deserted by the world. Why not just put me out of my misery.' The pain and anguish of this man's cry went straight to the heart of the Father that was with him through it all, though the man was never aware.
The Father's heart ached and said' Oh, my son if you only knew of the people I asked and prompted to come to your aid. The people I put in your path that looked the other way at your plight. They turned their nose up at your predicament. I have loved you from the beginning and I will never give up. I want you to feel My Love.'
As the Father spoke, He sent yet another angel to prompt and prod another child of His to come to this young man's aid. Not far from this young man's hospital door, sat a gentleman doing is duty to visit a sick member of his church. He was going through his day as he wanted, not giving a thought to much of anything at all. He was startled by the gutteral, almost animal-like cry he heard from the young man's room. He thought to himself 'wow, he must be in some unreal pain'. Oh if only he knew that this man's emotional and spiritual pain far surpassed any physical pain he could ever be in. The Father was prompting, directing the gentleman visitor to speak, to love, to just care for this young man filled with anguish and despair writhing in personal agony, fighting every battle alone.
The young man continuing in his personal battle with the Father once again yelled out in the depths of his darkened mind ' Is there not one person who will hold my hand, touch my brow, put a drop of water to my dry parched lips? Am I so meaningless to this world?'
And again the Father cried ' If you only knew what I am doing for you, on your behalf. If only the ones who call on my name will listen and obey, just listen and obey'
As the young man lying on the stark, white bed continued to writhe in his own personal agony, the man in the hallway slowly began to rise and make his way to his door, as if an unseen hand was lifting each leg and gingerly placing it on the floor. Step after careful step he moved closer to the door, not even really aware of what he was doing. Moving unaware, in perfect sync with the Father to be a messenger of love and safety, not realizing he was about to deliver the message of life.
The Father's heart ached and said' Oh, my son if you only knew of the people I asked and prompted to come to your aid. The people I put in your path that looked the other way at your plight. They turned their nose up at your predicament. I have loved you from the beginning and I will never give up. I want you to feel My Love.'
As the Father spoke, He sent yet another angel to prompt and prod another child of His to come to this young man's aid. Not far from this young man's hospital door, sat a gentleman doing is duty to visit a sick member of his church. He was going through his day as he wanted, not giving a thought to much of anything at all. He was startled by the gutteral, almost animal-like cry he heard from the young man's room. He thought to himself 'wow, he must be in some unreal pain'. Oh if only he knew that this man's emotional and spiritual pain far surpassed any physical pain he could ever be in. The Father was prompting, directing the gentleman visitor to speak, to love, to just care for this young man filled with anguish and despair writhing in personal agony, fighting every battle alone.
The young man continuing in his personal battle with the Father once again yelled out in the depths of his darkened mind ' Is there not one person who will hold my hand, touch my brow, put a drop of water to my dry parched lips? Am I so meaningless to this world?'
And again the Father cried ' If you only knew what I am doing for you, on your behalf. If only the ones who call on my name will listen and obey, just listen and obey'
As the young man lying on the stark, white bed continued to writhe in his own personal agony, the man in the hallway slowly began to rise and make his way to his door, as if an unseen hand was lifting each leg and gingerly placing it on the floor. Step after careful step he moved closer to the door, not even really aware of what he was doing. Moving unaware, in perfect sync with the Father to be a messenger of love and safety, not realizing he was about to deliver the message of life.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
The Mirror
The bright afternoon sun glinted off of the tiny mirror into her pale blues eyes. Her eyes began to water and she gingerly wiped away her tears. She closely examined her face, the wrinkles, the chipped tooth that made her refuse to smile, the gray, thinning hair, the nose that was too big for her face, all of what she percieved to be flaws, mistakes in God's creation. She stumbled as she walked and gripped a little tighter her little companion, her beloved mirror. She never went anywhere without it. While she cleaned house or talked with friends or shopped or walked in her neighborhood, her trusty little mirror was in front of her face reflecting her image and often her moods for her to see and examine. She could look into her eyes in relive the pain of her past, she could focus on all of her flawed features or on good days remember how nice and kind she is and the beauty that she really does possess. She could make sure that everyone perceived her they way she wanted as she talked to them. Her little mirror kept her enraptured in it while she went about her daily business.
As she walked on this sunny afternoon, peering deep into her watery, blue eyes, she thought how awful her life has been, how everyone mistreats her. She paid no attention when she walked around the little girl crying on the walk, but she couldn't miss the little, pink bike with flowers and streamers on the handlebars. She stumbled over the bike tire laying across the sidewalk. She tried putting her hand out to grab ahold of anything to catch her fall. She landed in a crumpled heap on the sidewalk. She checked herself to make sure nothing was hurt or even broken. Then she saw it. Her beloved mirror, it lay shattered on the ground. It was in a million different pieces, there was no way to salvage it. She was heartbroken. What would she do? How would she make it through her days without it to focus on. As she sat crying and wondering what she would do, she felt a tiny arm go around her shoulder. The little girl sat, with her tears dried, next to the little lady comforting her, giving her reassurance that it would be o.k. The little girl helped her up and brushed off the dried leaves and dirt that clung to her skirt. The little girl steadied the little lady and helped her on her way home. The little lady was lost without her mirror. She didn't know what to do with herself. She thought she must look an awful mess, but the child didn't seem to mind. She chatted cheerfully that her bike would be o.k. and hopefully her mother would find the time to put a bandage on her knee. The little old lady looked at the child and then she noticed the blood flow freely down her leg, staining her frilly white socks and white tennis shoes. The little lady was horrified. This child has been comforting her without any thought to the pain her own tiny body was in. The little lady was appalled at her own self-absorption. How could she miss this little girl's injury? She reached down and gathered the tiny child in her arms and hugged her with all of her might. She then led her home to make sure that her bloody knee would get the loving, gentle attention it so desperately needed.
As she walked on this sunny afternoon, peering deep into her watery, blue eyes, she thought how awful her life has been, how everyone mistreats her. She paid no attention when she walked around the little girl crying on the walk, but she couldn't miss the little, pink bike with flowers and streamers on the handlebars. She stumbled over the bike tire laying across the sidewalk. She tried putting her hand out to grab ahold of anything to catch her fall. She landed in a crumpled heap on the sidewalk. She checked herself to make sure nothing was hurt or even broken. Then she saw it. Her beloved mirror, it lay shattered on the ground. It was in a million different pieces, there was no way to salvage it. She was heartbroken. What would she do? How would she make it through her days without it to focus on. As she sat crying and wondering what she would do, she felt a tiny arm go around her shoulder. The little girl sat, with her tears dried, next to the little lady comforting her, giving her reassurance that it would be o.k. The little girl helped her up and brushed off the dried leaves and dirt that clung to her skirt. The little girl steadied the little lady and helped her on her way home. The little lady was lost without her mirror. She didn't know what to do with herself. She thought she must look an awful mess, but the child didn't seem to mind. She chatted cheerfully that her bike would be o.k. and hopefully her mother would find the time to put a bandage on her knee. The little old lady looked at the child and then she noticed the blood flow freely down her leg, staining her frilly white socks and white tennis shoes. The little lady was horrified. This child has been comforting her without any thought to the pain her own tiny body was in. The little lady was appalled at her own self-absorption. How could she miss this little girl's injury? She reached down and gathered the tiny child in her arms and hugged her with all of her might. She then led her home to make sure that her bloody knee would get the loving, gentle attention it so desperately needed.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Steamed Vegetables
The restuarant was alive with action as waitresses buzzed from table to table. We waited patiently for our food, talking, enjoying the activity of the place. Our stomachs grumbled and growled as we continued to experience the tantalizing aromas of other people's dinners. With eager eyes we watched for the moment our waitress would stop at our table with our food, ready for us to devour it. At last it came, piping hot, fresh from the kitchen. As we looked at the presenation of our food were we taken by the artistic nature of it. The pure beauty of the steaming plate of vegetables. The crisp green broccoli, the brilliant orange carrots, the sunny yellow squash, even the muted brown mushrooms were shimmering in their golden buttery sauce. The pureness of God's garden creation, unaffected by man. Tenderly picked and washed of the earth still clinging to the ripe vegetables, tossed in herbs and seasonings, steamed to perfection.
As I was ready to dive into my delectable dinner I heard my companion say" Excuse me, Miss, but could I get some cheese sauce for this." I was crestfallen, cover God's glorious bounty with man-made processed cheese product. As I watched they poured the gooey, greasy, gloppy cheese all over the vegetables, covering their pureness and beauty with false man-made products. Covering up all of the wonderful benefits of the rich vitamin A, C, B and many more with cholestorol and calories. The pureness of the vegetables were gone, covered, overshadowed by man's taste buds for his own desires.
As I was ready to dive into my delectable dinner I heard my companion say" Excuse me, Miss, but could I get some cheese sauce for this." I was crestfallen, cover God's glorious bounty with man-made processed cheese product. As I watched they poured the gooey, greasy, gloppy cheese all over the vegetables, covering their pureness and beauty with false man-made products. Covering up all of the wonderful benefits of the rich vitamin A, C, B and many more with cholestorol and calories. The pureness of the vegetables were gone, covered, overshadowed by man's taste buds for his own desires.
Monday, May 02, 2005
A Story About Love
Once upon a time there was a handsome man who loved a beautiful woman. He called her two or three times a day and said" Darling, I love you!". Whenever he would see her at the mall or grocery store, he would say,"Darling, I love you!" After awhile the beautiful woman grew tired of this and spoke to her mother about it.
"Mother, he says he loves me, but he never takes me for walks and holds my hand, he has never come to meet you and Dad, he never takes me out to eat. He will not talk and share his life with me. When I am in need I feel like I am a burden to him. Is this truely love? Is this all love is?
The mother tried to console her daughter and told her she must decide what she thought love was.
The next day the handsome man called to say," Darling, I love you!" This time the beautiful woman said this," Do not say you love me if you have no action behind it. Your words are detestable to me. You do not love me. You make yourself feel better by saying it. You take no time for me or to share our lives together. Show me you love me and I will know, say you love me and I know it is just to tickle my ears. I do not want to hear 'I love you' again!"
The handsome man was puzzled by this, but thought " She is upset, I will give her time alone and she will see the error of her ways. She will apologize for hurting me."
The beautiful woman began a journey to find out what love really meant to her and found most of all it was an action that didn't ever need to be spoken in words. She could see it not just hear it. She could experience it. She could give it. She never knew love more than when it was demonstrated to her and she never again wanted to just hear the words,"Darling, I love you!"
THE END
"Mother, he says he loves me, but he never takes me for walks and holds my hand, he has never come to meet you and Dad, he never takes me out to eat. He will not talk and share his life with me. When I am in need I feel like I am a burden to him. Is this truely love? Is this all love is?
The mother tried to console her daughter and told her she must decide what she thought love was.
The next day the handsome man called to say," Darling, I love you!" This time the beautiful woman said this," Do not say you love me if you have no action behind it. Your words are detestable to me. You do not love me. You make yourself feel better by saying it. You take no time for me or to share our lives together. Show me you love me and I will know, say you love me and I know it is just to tickle my ears. I do not want to hear 'I love you' again!"
The handsome man was puzzled by this, but thought " She is upset, I will give her time alone and she will see the error of her ways. She will apologize for hurting me."
The beautiful woman began a journey to find out what love really meant to her and found most of all it was an action that didn't ever need to be spoken in words. She could see it not just hear it. She could experience it. She could give it. She never knew love more than when it was demonstrated to her and she never again wanted to just hear the words,"Darling, I love you!"
THE END
Friday, April 29, 2005
My Inner Redneck
Growing up I was always a bit ashamed of my country up-bringing. I felt I was a lower class.
As an adult I am so glad for it. I am proud to be a red-neck, hilly-billy, or country bumpkin.
here is my list of proof I am a red-neck:
1. It is impossible for me to say "hill". It comes out"heel"
2. I learned to drive on my Dad's Allis Chalmers tractor. After mastering that I got up- graded to the old truck to pick-up rocks in the field.
3. I know what a ravelin is and use it frequenty in conversation.
4. I once tried to ride a cow. My Dad refused to buy me a horse-something about them not being practical. I decided to ride our beef cow. I got bucked off and landed in a huge pile of manure. My Mom was NOT happy.
5. I Hate wearing shoes.
6. In school I always had to explain what a "Mamaw and Papaw" were. No one called their Grandparents that.
7.I love Blue Collar T.V.
8. My favorite song growing up was "Elvira" by The Oak Ridge Boys. Elvira, Elvira, My Hearts on Fire, Elivra. What a great memory.
9. My family sits together and enjoys the Dukes of Hazzard on a regular basis.
10. Some of the "You might be a redneck...." jokes are a very true thing in my family.
11. My brother and my cousin could pass for Larry the Cable Guy's twin. No joke. Sleeveless Shirts and all.
12. We have been known to sit in our lawn chairs around our guinea's cage and just watch them. Country livin' at its best!
13. Duct tape will truely fix almost anything.
14. At family get togethers, never ask what the meat is, it could be bear, squirrel, rabbit, caribou, deer, the possibilities are endless.
All joking aside, I am proud of my family and the up-bringing I had. I am also proud of how Randy and I are trying to raise our kids. I enjoy country life and I am glad I finally quit being ashamed of it!
As an adult I am so glad for it. I am proud to be a red-neck, hilly-billy, or country bumpkin.
here is my list of proof I am a red-neck:
1. It is impossible for me to say "hill". It comes out"heel"
2. I learned to drive on my Dad's Allis Chalmers tractor. After mastering that I got up- graded to the old truck to pick-up rocks in the field.
3. I know what a ravelin is and use it frequenty in conversation.
4. I once tried to ride a cow. My Dad refused to buy me a horse-something about them not being practical. I decided to ride our beef cow. I got bucked off and landed in a huge pile of manure. My Mom was NOT happy.
5. I Hate wearing shoes.
6. In school I always had to explain what a "Mamaw and Papaw" were. No one called their Grandparents that.
7.I love Blue Collar T.V.
8. My favorite song growing up was "Elvira" by The Oak Ridge Boys. Elvira, Elvira, My Hearts on Fire, Elivra. What a great memory.
9. My family sits together and enjoys the Dukes of Hazzard on a regular basis.
10. Some of the "You might be a redneck...." jokes are a very true thing in my family.
11. My brother and my cousin could pass for Larry the Cable Guy's twin. No joke. Sleeveless Shirts and all.
12. We have been known to sit in our lawn chairs around our guinea's cage and just watch them. Country livin' at its best!
13. Duct tape will truely fix almost anything.
14. At family get togethers, never ask what the meat is, it could be bear, squirrel, rabbit, caribou, deer, the possibilities are endless.
All joking aside, I am proud of my family and the up-bringing I had. I am also proud of how Randy and I are trying to raise our kids. I enjoy country life and I am glad I finally quit being ashamed of it!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Prayers for the children
I have been thinking alot about prayers, especially concerning my children. I pray daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute (depending on the day!) for them. I don't want them to have the same struggles I have had finding God and realizing His Love. So I pray a lot for the kind of men they will grow up to be and mostly that they will have such a personal relationship with Jesus that they will cling to Him through all things, at all times, and that they will listen to the voice of God and be quick to repent, quick to forgive, and quick to obey.
I believe with all of my heart that God hears and is now honoring my prayers, but lately I have been crying out for all of the children who have no one to pray for them. What happens to them?
I think about the children in foster care. When they turn 18, are they are automatically suppposed to know how to be a viable part of society? I am not putting down our system at all, I'm just thinking out loud I guess on how people turn out the way they do.
I guess I need to quit watching the news because I am overwhelmed with how evil humans are.
The horrible things we can do to each other. The things that are done to children and we wonder why they can't adjust and be a part of society.
I know God has laid a specific burden on my heart for children who have no one to love them, but sometimes it is so big I can't stand the weight of it. I can't sleep at night for all of the thoughts in my head. The enormity of it boggles my mind. There are a few things I have been pondering and seeking God to put some action behind my prayers.
I know God is a big God and He loves His children. There are so many things I won't ever understand and I pray that I will be willing to put my hand to the task God has set before me.
I know I am incapable of doing anything on my own, so I pray that God will strengthen me and help me to rely completly on Him!
I believe with all of my heart that God hears and is now honoring my prayers, but lately I have been crying out for all of the children who have no one to pray for them. What happens to them?
I think about the children in foster care. When they turn 18, are they are automatically suppposed to know how to be a viable part of society? I am not putting down our system at all, I'm just thinking out loud I guess on how people turn out the way they do.
I guess I need to quit watching the news because I am overwhelmed with how evil humans are.
The horrible things we can do to each other. The things that are done to children and we wonder why they can't adjust and be a part of society.
I know God has laid a specific burden on my heart for children who have no one to love them, but sometimes it is so big I can't stand the weight of it. I can't sleep at night for all of the thoughts in my head. The enormity of it boggles my mind. There are a few things I have been pondering and seeking God to put some action behind my prayers.
I know God is a big God and He loves His children. There are so many things I won't ever understand and I pray that I will be willing to put my hand to the task God has set before me.
I know I am incapable of doing anything on my own, so I pray that God will strengthen me and help me to rely completly on Him!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
It only takes one
It only takes one negative word to over-ride dozens of positive. I have negatives that I was told in elementary school that over-ride the hundreds of positives that I have heard since. I don't want it to be that way, but for me it is. I just decided today that I don't want to be that ONE anymore. I have said my fair share of negatives throughout my life and I am sure some of my words are still stumbling blocks for people. So with God's help I want to quit being the one or two or three or more negatives that are heard and start being a positive.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Can I be too organized?
After Randy and I moved into our new house I turned into a neat freak. I am completely addicted to plastic totes. I have everything organized and labeled in a tote, on a shelf. I didn't see it as a problem until today. Yesterday we had family over for Elijah's birthday party. he received a slide making kit to go with his microscope. As I sat at the computor today I saw the kit nice and neat on a shelf with his microscope. How is he to play and experiment with it if I have it tucked away on a shelf?
I think I have cleaned and organized my way right out of living. I want everything in a nice neat labeled box and if it is not I freak out, every part of my life is that way, even my brain. I compartmentalize everything. I am sure there is some sort of phsychological disorder I can claim to have. I guess the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem, right!
Randy and I were at Fazoli's the other day and they have glass bottles lined up in the windows. They weren't lined up according to color and it was driving me nuts, I just wanted to rearrange them. The boys have art supplies and play-do in nice neat totes that they hardly ever get to play with because it is just too messy. Enough examples of my craziness, I'm sure someone thinks I need to be committed at this point.
I guess more than anything it was just a moment of clarity when God really spoke to my heart this morning to say"Lighten up!" I need to just have some fun, quit worrying about the messes because they will always be there. I will never be able to have all the messes in my life cleaned up, whether in my house, on my kids, in my relationships or in my heart. I can waste my whole life sitting with everything clean and orderly and be miserable everytime another mess comes or I can have a little fun making some messes of my own.
This makes me think of Ms.Frizzle on Magic School Bus"It is time to get messy, make mistakes and something else, I forgot the rest. Sorry I have resorted to quoting cartoons, but that is my life! So I am off to enjoy the day and forget the messes, they will always be there and from my experience I am really good at making some myself!
I think I have cleaned and organized my way right out of living. I want everything in a nice neat labeled box and if it is not I freak out, every part of my life is that way, even my brain. I compartmentalize everything. I am sure there is some sort of phsychological disorder I can claim to have. I guess the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem, right!
Randy and I were at Fazoli's the other day and they have glass bottles lined up in the windows. They weren't lined up according to color and it was driving me nuts, I just wanted to rearrange them. The boys have art supplies and play-do in nice neat totes that they hardly ever get to play with because it is just too messy. Enough examples of my craziness, I'm sure someone thinks I need to be committed at this point.
I guess more than anything it was just a moment of clarity when God really spoke to my heart this morning to say"Lighten up!" I need to just have some fun, quit worrying about the messes because they will always be there. I will never be able to have all the messes in my life cleaned up, whether in my house, on my kids, in my relationships or in my heart. I can waste my whole life sitting with everything clean and orderly and be miserable everytime another mess comes or I can have a little fun making some messes of my own.
This makes me think of Ms.Frizzle on Magic School Bus"It is time to get messy, make mistakes and something else, I forgot the rest. Sorry I have resorted to quoting cartoons, but that is my life! So I am off to enjoy the day and forget the messes, they will always be there and from my experience I am really good at making some myself!
Friday, April 08, 2005
I am waaaaaay toooooo Young!
Elijah is now nine. I am way too young for this.
He told me yesterday that he is so excited because he has always wanted to be nine and now his dream has come true. I thought that was so sweet and just so much like him to say it.
I don't know if God could have created a more tender- hearted kid. Some days I sit in wonder how God could have blessed me with such wonderful kids. I have a good life and I really don't deserve it!
He told me yesterday that he is so excited because he has always wanted to be nine and now his dream has come true. I thought that was so sweet and just so much like him to say it.
I don't know if God could have created a more tender- hearted kid. Some days I sit in wonder how God could have blessed me with such wonderful kids. I have a good life and I really don't deserve it!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Credit Cards
Credit cards are a symbol of instant gratification to me. When I was in college I had one with a $500 limit and it took me more years than I want to think to pay it off. When I wanted something I bought it. I didn't think that in a month I would have to pay for it.
Things changed when I got married, but we have still had our own struggles with credit cards.
What really has made my think of this is how many times do I prevent God from blessing me because I was in too much of a hurry to get something.
When things are going good I can put it on my visa and not think another thing about it.
I want it, so I buy it. How selfish is that?
There have been times in my life that I had no extra money and I learned to do without. I learned not having everything I wanted would not kill me.
Recently God has blessed my family and we are getting out of debt and financially have a little bit of breathing room for the first time in our married life.
The problem with that is I can go to the store and get what I need and in most cases what I want, I don't need to pray and ask God to help me out.
I have been getting convicted on that so I just quit buying anything except groceries and essentials and just asking God for my other needs and mostly wants.
Can I just say God has shown up in a mighty way. It is so restful not trying to figure it all out on my own. If I need it he will provide a way.
There have been a few instances that have blown my mind so I wanted to share.
Ethan puts a hole in almost every pair of pants he owns. He is also very particular about what kind of pants and shirts he wears. They need to fit a certain way and he has a thing about lots of pockets on pants and striped shirts. Well anyway I usually by end of season clearance for the boys in clothes and save a lot of money. I hadn't been able to find any for him. I knew he was running out of pants , but I just didn't want spend $25 on a pair of pants. At church someone gave me a whole bag of clothes for the boys. Inside were two pairs of pants exactly like what he loves, and striped shirts, he was so excited. God even knows what kind of pants my six year old loves to wear!
Last week Randy and I were shopping with the boys. we were looking at weight sets, but I refused to pay $200-$300 for one. So we went to another store, there we ran into my brother and his father-in-law. We talked and it came up what we were looking for. Gary said "Hey I have a really nice weight set at my church you can just have." My brother called me yesterday and will deliver it to our house on Thursday. We don't even have to pick it up. Wow!! I could name instance after instance where God showed up when I was patient and waited on Him. He has given us a car when we needed one, a dryer, clothes, food, money , the list goes on and on of how He provides when I sit and wait and don't try to solve it myself.
Here is where God is really speaking to me. Wait on Him and He will provide and this is the big one: I HAVE to be willing to let go of all of my possessions as well. I need to obey Him and be willing to bless others and not always want to receive. I need to be able to say I own nothing! God is in control of everything and I will freely give as He says.
Things changed when I got married, but we have still had our own struggles with credit cards.
What really has made my think of this is how many times do I prevent God from blessing me because I was in too much of a hurry to get something.
When things are going good I can put it on my visa and not think another thing about it.
I want it, so I buy it. How selfish is that?
There have been times in my life that I had no extra money and I learned to do without. I learned not having everything I wanted would not kill me.
Recently God has blessed my family and we are getting out of debt and financially have a little bit of breathing room for the first time in our married life.
The problem with that is I can go to the store and get what I need and in most cases what I want, I don't need to pray and ask God to help me out.
I have been getting convicted on that so I just quit buying anything except groceries and essentials and just asking God for my other needs and mostly wants.
Can I just say God has shown up in a mighty way. It is so restful not trying to figure it all out on my own. If I need it he will provide a way.
There have been a few instances that have blown my mind so I wanted to share.
Ethan puts a hole in almost every pair of pants he owns. He is also very particular about what kind of pants and shirts he wears. They need to fit a certain way and he has a thing about lots of pockets on pants and striped shirts. Well anyway I usually by end of season clearance for the boys in clothes and save a lot of money. I hadn't been able to find any for him. I knew he was running out of pants , but I just didn't want spend $25 on a pair of pants. At church someone gave me a whole bag of clothes for the boys. Inside were two pairs of pants exactly like what he loves, and striped shirts, he was so excited. God even knows what kind of pants my six year old loves to wear!
Last week Randy and I were shopping with the boys. we were looking at weight sets, but I refused to pay $200-$300 for one. So we went to another store, there we ran into my brother and his father-in-law. We talked and it came up what we were looking for. Gary said "Hey I have a really nice weight set at my church you can just have." My brother called me yesterday and will deliver it to our house on Thursday. We don't even have to pick it up. Wow!! I could name instance after instance where God showed up when I was patient and waited on Him. He has given us a car when we needed one, a dryer, clothes, food, money , the list goes on and on of how He provides when I sit and wait and don't try to solve it myself.
Here is where God is really speaking to me. Wait on Him and He will provide and this is the big one: I HAVE to be willing to let go of all of my possessions as well. I need to obey Him and be willing to bless others and not always want to receive. I need to be able to say I own nothing! God is in control of everything and I will freely give as He says.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
My Boys
Randy & I decided to buy the boys an X-Box for Christmas. Can I just say that they have a time limit because my sanity holds out for only so long and they would live on it if I would let them. That being said something cool happened and I thought I would share.
They have a Star Wars game that has a split screen and they can pick a character and battle each other. They were playing and yelled for me to come watch. I ran in and they said to me "Look mom, we can make ObiWan praise God!' Sure enough there was Obi with his hands raised to heaven and my boys were so proud of themselves.
I don't really think there is anything profound in that,I just thought it was neat they were thinking of God even while playing a game.
They have a Star Wars game that has a split screen and they can pick a character and battle each other. They were playing and yelled for me to come watch. I ran in and they said to me "Look mom, we can make ObiWan praise God!' Sure enough there was Obi with his hands raised to heaven and my boys were so proud of themselves.
I don't really think there is anything profound in that,I just thought it was neat they were thinking of God even while playing a game.
Friday, March 04, 2005
The Hitchhiker
I saw a man on the side of the road, hitch hiking, the other day. It was a cold winter day. The wind was cold and was whipping through his hair. He had no hat or gloves. He was blowing warm air on his bare hands to warm them. I did nothing. I thought, if he is there when I drive back through I can give him some food. He was gone, I will probably never see him again, that breaks my heart. God has been speaking a few things to me since that day.
I have been told by my husband and others that I am never, ever, ever, ever to pick up a hitch hiker and I have promised I won't, but my heart still goes out to them and I want to help in some way. The first thing I think of is that I am so blessed because I have such a support system that I have never been down on my luck. Even if I would do things to loose every material thing I own I would still have such a group of people around me to get me back on my feet. If my car broke down I probably have ten people I could call to bail me out, If I lost my home I would have numerous people to take me in. I don't ever want to take that kind of support system for granted.
When I see someone on the side of the road, I wonder what happened in their life that brought them to this spot. It doesn't matter what brought them there, the fact is they are there. Now what can I do take make it a little bit better. Sometimes I think we do that to new people who have just accepted Jesus. We wonder about their sin and how they got their life in mess. It doesn't really matter how, as much as it matters now what can we do about it to help them get on the right path.
Another question I have been pondering since that day is this: If we could just help one person at a time, bring them in our home, love them, give them essential life skills, SHOW them the love of Jesus, help them on their way and then start all over again with someone else God brings our way. What a difference that would make in this world. I know, it is probably way too idealistic, but it is a thought that is running around in my head.
I just wish I had bought him some warm dinner. Maybe next time..............
I have been told by my husband and others that I am never, ever, ever, ever to pick up a hitch hiker and I have promised I won't, but my heart still goes out to them and I want to help in some way. The first thing I think of is that I am so blessed because I have such a support system that I have never been down on my luck. Even if I would do things to loose every material thing I own I would still have such a group of people around me to get me back on my feet. If my car broke down I probably have ten people I could call to bail me out, If I lost my home I would have numerous people to take me in. I don't ever want to take that kind of support system for granted.
When I see someone on the side of the road, I wonder what happened in their life that brought them to this spot. It doesn't matter what brought them there, the fact is they are there. Now what can I do take make it a little bit better. Sometimes I think we do that to new people who have just accepted Jesus. We wonder about their sin and how they got their life in mess. It doesn't really matter how, as much as it matters now what can we do about it to help them get on the right path.
Another question I have been pondering since that day is this: If we could just help one person at a time, bring them in our home, love them, give them essential life skills, SHOW them the love of Jesus, help them on their way and then start all over again with someone else God brings our way. What a difference that would make in this world. I know, it is probably way too idealistic, but it is a thought that is running around in my head.
I just wish I had bought him some warm dinner. Maybe next time..............
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Disillusion
Am I disillusioned in my walk with God?
I pray I am not.
What I mean by this is, I fear I do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I want this so bad, but there are times I feel so far from Him.
I want to be cleansed from my sin.
I have been praying about this all week, and then we got a sermon on sin Sunday morning.
God hit me hard,even in worship about how I am still entangled in sin and I want to be set free.
I don't want to be disillusioned my whole life and "think" I am serving God only to hear Him say "Depart from Me I never knew you."
I guess I just don't want to be complacent in my walk. I want to be quick to repent, Quick to say I am sorry, Quick to ask forgiveness.
I battle either being way too hard on myself and living under guilt and stress about how sinful I am or worrying I am being prideful when God is moving im my life and I can really feel and see Him working in my life, moving me a little bit closer to Him.
I want to be free, but I need true freedom. I don't want to live a fake life. I don't want to be so hard on myself I can accomplish nothing for Christ, but I don't want to thinkI am doing good because no man is perfect except, Christ.
It has been a thought process that goes round and round in my head and kind of makes me a little crazy.
I have faith, though, that God will work this out in me.
I pray I am not.
What I mean by this is, I fear I do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I want this so bad, but there are times I feel so far from Him.
I want to be cleansed from my sin.
I have been praying about this all week, and then we got a sermon on sin Sunday morning.
God hit me hard,even in worship about how I am still entangled in sin and I want to be set free.
I don't want to be disillusioned my whole life and "think" I am serving God only to hear Him say "Depart from Me I never knew you."
I guess I just don't want to be complacent in my walk. I want to be quick to repent, Quick to say I am sorry, Quick to ask forgiveness.
I battle either being way too hard on myself and living under guilt and stress about how sinful I am or worrying I am being prideful when God is moving im my life and I can really feel and see Him working in my life, moving me a little bit closer to Him.
I want to be free, but I need true freedom. I don't want to live a fake life. I don't want to be so hard on myself I can accomplish nothing for Christ, but I don't want to thinkI am doing good because no man is perfect except, Christ.
It has been a thought process that goes round and round in my head and kind of makes me a little crazy.
I have faith, though, that God will work this out in me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Carol
Carol was a great lady. She was someone I knew cared about my walk with God, even as a little kid. I don't really remember how my parents met Carol, but I know it was ordained by God.
My Mom worked full-time and my Dad was called away on business alot when I was a kid, so I spent a lot of time at a babysitter. I know God provided the babysitters because everyone was a Godly person who loved my brother and I like family. That in itself is a miracle.
Carol was one of my babysitters. She invited our family to church and made us feel welcome. Some people at this church made a point to make us not feel welcome, but Carol's family always did. We became family to her. She would come and pick me up on Sunday's my Mom had to work. She played with us in her pool. She tried to teach me piano. She made us root beer floats. She was kind with us and made a lasting impression on me as to what Christianity should be. I was a fat, insecure kid who missed being around my parents and she seemed to understand that. She made me feel welcome.
I found out this week that Carol had died. It made me sad, but also I thought of the work she had done for God by just making people feel welcome, that they were important. How I want to leave this Earth knowing I have done some good for someone. Carol might never know how she directed me on the right path with God. She might never know how she made an insecure kid feel like someone besides family cared about what happpened to her. She did a lot for me, but it all came natural to her. She was just being herself.
My Mom worked full-time and my Dad was called away on business alot when I was a kid, so I spent a lot of time at a babysitter. I know God provided the babysitters because everyone was a Godly person who loved my brother and I like family. That in itself is a miracle.
Carol was one of my babysitters. She invited our family to church and made us feel welcome. Some people at this church made a point to make us not feel welcome, but Carol's family always did. We became family to her. She would come and pick me up on Sunday's my Mom had to work. She played with us in her pool. She tried to teach me piano. She made us root beer floats. She was kind with us and made a lasting impression on me as to what Christianity should be. I was a fat, insecure kid who missed being around my parents and she seemed to understand that. She made me feel welcome.
I found out this week that Carol had died. It made me sad, but also I thought of the work she had done for God by just making people feel welcome, that they were important. How I want to leave this Earth knowing I have done some good for someone. Carol might never know how she directed me on the right path with God. She might never know how she made an insecure kid feel like someone besides family cared about what happpened to her. She did a lot for me, but it all came natural to her. She was just being herself.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Vision
Proverbs 29:18
Where there is no vision the people will perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Having a vision from God is an awesome thing, to have direction in your life, a point to focus on.
I am blessed, my husband and I have a purpose, a vision, a direction.
In a very few words our vision is to fill our home with people to minister to them. Whether that be to adopt children, help families get back on their feet, house missionaries, help troubled teens or even encourage other christians. W e are leaving the door wide open for God to work, but we have a plan of action and we are diligently working towards that.
Has it been easy? NO!!!
We have been called stupid. We have been told to think smaller, to tone down a bit. Well I say "No Way!" If God says it, He is more than capable to figure out how it will be accomplished.
The problem I see is not in having too big of a vision it is having no vision.
Really a bigger problem than that is those who step out in their vision are the ones to be beaten down, to feel defeated before they even get started.
For me the biggest thing to overcome was not how to accomplish what God has set before me, it was to ignore people's discouraging remarks that tore me down and left me with no energy to do what God has set before me.
Is all of it because of jealousy? Do we think that God can't have a plan for us, so we want to tear down His plan for others? I don't know, but it is time we ask God what our purpose is and do it.
I have decided that whether anyone believes in me and my family or not I will do my best to accomplish the task He has set before me.
So in summary because of the trials I have been through I can truly say I want to get behind those with a passion, a vision and I will do what I can to support and lift them up.
God is so big and has given each of us a place. We need to ask Him what that place is and do it with all of our might and if we can't do that then we had better be sure we are not tearing down those with a vision.
Where there is no vision the people will perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Having a vision from God is an awesome thing, to have direction in your life, a point to focus on.
I am blessed, my husband and I have a purpose, a vision, a direction.
In a very few words our vision is to fill our home with people to minister to them. Whether that be to adopt children, help families get back on their feet, house missionaries, help troubled teens or even encourage other christians. W e are leaving the door wide open for God to work, but we have a plan of action and we are diligently working towards that.
Has it been easy? NO!!!
We have been called stupid. We have been told to think smaller, to tone down a bit. Well I say "No Way!" If God says it, He is more than capable to figure out how it will be accomplished.
The problem I see is not in having too big of a vision it is having no vision.
Really a bigger problem than that is those who step out in their vision are the ones to be beaten down, to feel defeated before they even get started.
For me the biggest thing to overcome was not how to accomplish what God has set before me, it was to ignore people's discouraging remarks that tore me down and left me with no energy to do what God has set before me.
Is all of it because of jealousy? Do we think that God can't have a plan for us, so we want to tear down His plan for others? I don't know, but it is time we ask God what our purpose is and do it.
I have decided that whether anyone believes in me and my family or not I will do my best to accomplish the task He has set before me.
So in summary because of the trials I have been through I can truly say I want to get behind those with a passion, a vision and I will do what I can to support and lift them up.
God is so big and has given each of us a place. We need to ask Him what that place is and do it with all of our might and if we can't do that then we had better be sure we are not tearing down those with a vision.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
The Atmosphere of God
I just started reading a book on Rees Howells and something in the very beginning of the book has already got me thinking.
Rees talks about the influence his grandparents had on his early up bringing and he felt as though he passed from earth to heaven when he visited him. He says " God was the atmosphere."
WOW! All I can say is that is my prayer. God be my atmosphere, be so close to me, help my walk be so close to you that my home is filled so much with you that it can be said that "you are the atmosphere!"
Those three words just struck a chord with what I want my home to feel like. What I want my life to feel like.
Rees talks about the influence his grandparents had on his early up bringing and he felt as though he passed from earth to heaven when he visited him. He says " God was the atmosphere."
WOW! All I can say is that is my prayer. God be my atmosphere, be so close to me, help my walk be so close to you that my home is filled so much with you that it can be said that "you are the atmosphere!"
Those three words just struck a chord with what I want my home to feel like. What I want my life to feel like.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Church Stuff
It probably has not been a secret that I have been totally burnt out on church stuff for a couple of years now. I was tired of trying to find God at church and either being hurt or disillusioned by the god I was finding. The glorious thing is that God met me all by myself in my little woods.
He healed a hurting heart and answered prayers I didn't even have the strength to pray. The greatest thing He did is He restored hope. I can once again believe in people and what miraculous things God can do using people.
The whole point of writing this is because once again I am excited about my church. I see people with a heart to serve and a heart to obey God. I am not directly involved in any of it and I really don't want to be involved other than one thing, to encourage. I want to encourage those who are doing something to continue to obey God even when it becomes hard. I want to put aside what I might change or make better to fit my family and support whole-heartedly those who are sacrificing to serve me and my family. I want more than anything to be positive and speak life and if I can't I need to sit down and shut-up.
Speaking positive things or nothing at all is hard for me. When I pay attention to my speech I recognize a lot of ugly things come out of my mouth.
I pray God helps me to watch what I say. I pray He will stop me before I speak bad about anyone or anything and if it is not pleasing to Him I will just keep my mouth shut.
He healed a hurting heart and answered prayers I didn't even have the strength to pray. The greatest thing He did is He restored hope. I can once again believe in people and what miraculous things God can do using people.
The whole point of writing this is because once again I am excited about my church. I see people with a heart to serve and a heart to obey God. I am not directly involved in any of it and I really don't want to be involved other than one thing, to encourage. I want to encourage those who are doing something to continue to obey God even when it becomes hard. I want to put aside what I might change or make better to fit my family and support whole-heartedly those who are sacrificing to serve me and my family. I want more than anything to be positive and speak life and if I can't I need to sit down and shut-up.
Speaking positive things or nothing at all is hard for me. When I pay attention to my speech I recognize a lot of ugly things come out of my mouth.
I pray God helps me to watch what I say. I pray He will stop me before I speak bad about anyone or anything and if it is not pleasing to Him I will just keep my mouth shut.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Funny Story
Yesterday we had something funny happen, but we are probably the only ones that think it is funny. I guess we have a weird sense of humor. Well here goes with the funny happening:
We awoke to hearing our guineas ( if you don't know guineas are large chicken-like birds that are good watch dogs b/c they make a lot of noise and they eat alot of bugs esp. ticks) flapping around and making noise. So Randy gets his gun and goes out to check on them. They had flown out of their coop and were on top of our house. He looked and a raccoon was sitting on top of their coop trying to get in. Randy shot it and came in to get ready for work. When he came in I totally felt like Ma Ingalls saying "Pa did you get that varmint that was gittin in our critters"
I know I lead a sad life when this was my funny story, but I thought it was funny, especially when I have friends that call me Laura or Beth Ingalls and call Randy Manly. They are probably pretty close in comparing us to them. Well anyway I thought it was funny and thought I would share. Hope it made someone else laugh too.
We awoke to hearing our guineas ( if you don't know guineas are large chicken-like birds that are good watch dogs b/c they make a lot of noise and they eat alot of bugs esp. ticks) flapping around and making noise. So Randy gets his gun and goes out to check on them. They had flown out of their coop and were on top of our house. He looked and a raccoon was sitting on top of their coop trying to get in. Randy shot it and came in to get ready for work. When he came in I totally felt like Ma Ingalls saying "Pa did you get that varmint that was gittin in our critters"
I know I lead a sad life when this was my funny story, but I thought it was funny, especially when I have friends that call me Laura or Beth Ingalls and call Randy Manly. They are probably pretty close in comparing us to them. Well anyway I thought it was funny and thought I would share. Hope it made someone else laugh too.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Tiny Ants
Sometimes I feel like a little ant in the grand scheme of things. I am scurrying around trying to fill my life with things and at any moment I could be squashed by a big shoe or worse yet burnt up by a huge magnifying glass.
I think about this a lot when I work for my Dad. Here we are putting a new road or bridge in, taking load ofter load of dirt out and bringing load after load of rock and sand in.
Sometimes it seems very, very pointless.
Does God just shake His head as we scurry around moving piles of Eath from one location to another and then in a few years do it again.
I also think about how precious time has become the older I get. Do I want to work so many hours of my life to pay for one item. Is it really worth that?
So many things just seem futile, like I am just spinning my wheels, wasting my time. I know some things are neccesary, but when I clean or do laundry, it is just going to get dirty again.
I will be the first to admit I can be a neat freak so cleanliness is important, but geesh, can it stay clean for more than five minutes.
I guess I just need help to focus more on the things that will last. Sometimes I just imagine that this world is burnt up, gone. Have I invested only in things that are now smoldering charcoal or are there some lasting things that have gone through the fire? I pray I have invested in lasting things and not wasted my life on a bunch of firewood.
I think about this a lot when I work for my Dad. Here we are putting a new road or bridge in, taking load ofter load of dirt out and bringing load after load of rock and sand in.
Sometimes it seems very, very pointless.
Does God just shake His head as we scurry around moving piles of Eath from one location to another and then in a few years do it again.
I also think about how precious time has become the older I get. Do I want to work so many hours of my life to pay for one item. Is it really worth that?
So many things just seem futile, like I am just spinning my wheels, wasting my time. I know some things are neccesary, but when I clean or do laundry, it is just going to get dirty again.
I will be the first to admit I can be a neat freak so cleanliness is important, but geesh, can it stay clean for more than five minutes.
I guess I just need help to focus more on the things that will last. Sometimes I just imagine that this world is burnt up, gone. Have I invested only in things that are now smoldering charcoal or are there some lasting things that have gone through the fire? I pray I have invested in lasting things and not wasted my life on a bunch of firewood.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Trusting God with my Mistakes
I have a real problem with worrrying whether I have heard from God or not. I know I have missed so many opportunities because I just don't trust God enough to fix my mistakes.
I tend to be a perfectionist by nature. So bad to the point I have refused learning or trying new things becuase I either won't be able to do it perfectly or I will look like a fool trying.
I am ashamed to think of the things I have missed out on because of this.
More and more my desire is to just do what God asks me, whether I can do it perfectly or not. the problem is I second-guess whether I have really heard from God or not.
Was it God, or is it just me?
I have come to a conclusion that God is big enough to fix my mistakes. If my heart is to serve Him then if I miss Him, He is perfectly capable to make it o.k.
I try to think now that it is better to do something than sit on my butt and do nothing.
How many times does God have to send another person to do my work because I was unwilling to try. More times than I would want to think. So I guess if He is powerful enough to fix things when I flat refuse to obey then He is more than able to fix my oops when I am actually trying to serve Him.
I tend to be a perfectionist by nature. So bad to the point I have refused learning or trying new things becuase I either won't be able to do it perfectly or I will look like a fool trying.
I am ashamed to think of the things I have missed out on because of this.
More and more my desire is to just do what God asks me, whether I can do it perfectly or not. the problem is I second-guess whether I have really heard from God or not.
Was it God, or is it just me?
I have come to a conclusion that God is big enough to fix my mistakes. If my heart is to serve Him then if I miss Him, He is perfectly capable to make it o.k.
I try to think now that it is better to do something than sit on my butt and do nothing.
How many times does God have to send another person to do my work because I was unwilling to try. More times than I would want to think. So I guess if He is powerful enough to fix things when I flat refuse to obey then He is more than able to fix my oops when I am actually trying to serve Him.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Hell is a scary place
This question has plagued me from early in my childhood until now:
Do I love God or do I just fear going to hell?
As a child I would have nightmares about hell and demons, even now I awake a night with a fear of demons and where they might be hovering in my room.
This morning at church this question just kept popping up in my head.
I don't want to desire heaven only because the alternative is so undesirable.
I want to love God purely because He is God.
I want to truly understand that I really deserve hell, but Jesus through His grace and mercy allowed me in my filth to nail Him to the cross. He shed His innocent blood to cover up my ugliness. He allowed me to do that so that I might be with Him forever. If only I could believe He did that for me and that I did nothing to earn it and without His sacrifice I would be sent to the place I am truly deserving, hell.
It scares me alot that I do not comprehend that fully. I do not live every breathe as though I really understand what Jesus did for me.
I do not want to serve Him just because I fear what hell holds for me.
I have often thought of entering heaven as winning the lottery for me. If I get in that would be wonderful. It would be such a beautiful surprise. The reality is that I am too ugly and full of sin to be allowed in.
Sometimes I think these thoughts are a safe guard against becoming proud and too sure of my salvation. Other times I think I have too much fear in my life and live not a joyful life, but a life afraid more of the devil and demons than in awe of Christ and His love, power, beauty and mercy.
Do I love God or do I just fear going to hell?
As a child I would have nightmares about hell and demons, even now I awake a night with a fear of demons and where they might be hovering in my room.
This morning at church this question just kept popping up in my head.
I don't want to desire heaven only because the alternative is so undesirable.
I want to love God purely because He is God.
I want to truly understand that I really deserve hell, but Jesus through His grace and mercy allowed me in my filth to nail Him to the cross. He shed His innocent blood to cover up my ugliness. He allowed me to do that so that I might be with Him forever. If only I could believe He did that for me and that I did nothing to earn it and without His sacrifice I would be sent to the place I am truly deserving, hell.
It scares me alot that I do not comprehend that fully. I do not live every breathe as though I really understand what Jesus did for me.
I do not want to serve Him just because I fear what hell holds for me.
I have often thought of entering heaven as winning the lottery for me. If I get in that would be wonderful. It would be such a beautiful surprise. The reality is that I am too ugly and full of sin to be allowed in.
Sometimes I think these thoughts are a safe guard against becoming proud and too sure of my salvation. Other times I think I have too much fear in my life and live not a joyful life, but a life afraid more of the devil and demons than in awe of Christ and His love, power, beauty and mercy.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Intercession
The three dreams I wrote about have laid heavy on my heart for these 3 years now. I know that God has called me to intercessory prayer, but I always felt so incapable and unworthy of this calling I would never admit it. I have prayed these past years, but not the way He desires for me. I was always afraid to admit it.
One reason is I see interssory prayer as an awesome gift, one that I surely couldn't possess. I see the intercessors at church and have such a respect for their walk with God and see I am still filled with too much sin to be put in that category.
Another reason is praying is such a hard thing for me to do. My brain runs at a hundred miles a minute. Sometimes I just wish I could shut it off and get some quiet. I can be thinking of ten problems at once and try to find solutions for them all while helping the kids do schoolwork. It makes me crazy sometimes. So in that way I feel very inadequate because I can't seem to focus all of my attention on God and what He wants me to pray. My mind wanders to everything else, but Him. This problem alone makes me see how unworthy I am to serve Him.
Now I am drawn to prayer more and more. My mind still wanders, but I am believing that God will help me. Now my prayers are so intense. I feel pain and compassion I never new possible when I pray.
I still feel so inadequate and I am missing so many opportunities that I just feel so unprepared for. So in a nut shell, the revelation for those 3 dreams is :PRAY!
I am sure there is more, but I am still trying to obey the first revelation. I probably won't get more until I can simply obey what I know right now.
One reason is I see interssory prayer as an awesome gift, one that I surely couldn't possess. I see the intercessors at church and have such a respect for their walk with God and see I am still filled with too much sin to be put in that category.
Another reason is praying is such a hard thing for me to do. My brain runs at a hundred miles a minute. Sometimes I just wish I could shut it off and get some quiet. I can be thinking of ten problems at once and try to find solutions for them all while helping the kids do schoolwork. It makes me crazy sometimes. So in that way I feel very inadequate because I can't seem to focus all of my attention on God and what He wants me to pray. My mind wanders to everything else, but Him. This problem alone makes me see how unworthy I am to serve Him.
Now I am drawn to prayer more and more. My mind still wanders, but I am believing that God will help me. Now my prayers are so intense. I feel pain and compassion I never new possible when I pray.
I still feel so inadequate and I am missing so many opportunities that I just feel so unprepared for. So in a nut shell, the revelation for those 3 dreams is :PRAY!
I am sure there is more, but I am still trying to obey the first revelation. I probably won't get more until I can simply obey what I know right now.
Dream September, 2002
This dream scared me and I was really afraid to sleep for awhile after this one.
I was sitting in my church, close to the front. The church was pretty full and we had a special speaker preaching. I felt a presence at the back of the church. I turned and saw a cloaked figure with a huge sword or axe. He was swinging this sword back and forth coming toward the people sitting in the pews. I jumped up and yelled, but no one would listen to me. They were oblivious to this thing cutting their heads off. Everyone just sat calmly as this thing began destroying everyone in the church. I began yelling and rebuking it and my yelling woke me up.
I was sitting in my church, close to the front. The church was pretty full and we had a special speaker preaching. I felt a presence at the back of the church. I turned and saw a cloaked figure with a huge sword or axe. He was swinging this sword back and forth coming toward the people sitting in the pews. I jumped up and yelled, but no one would listen to me. They were oblivious to this thing cutting their heads off. Everyone just sat calmly as this thing began destroying everyone in the church. I began yelling and rebuking it and my yelling woke me up.
Dream: April, 2002
This one is equally bizarre as the previous one.
Randy and I had a daughter that a cult was trying to drug and steal from us. The cult used a cafe' as a decoy to their real purpose. Randy and set up a plan to go in and rescue our daughter. We went in at dark and snuck into the back rooms of the cafe'. We found her and while escaping ran through the front of the cafe'. This room was filled with our church congregation. They were all sitting up at tables. The closer I looked, though, I could tell that they were all paralyzed and were just propped up in the chairs. They had full control of what they were thinking, but could only move their eyes. Their eyes were pleading with me to help them. I watched horrified as the cult members were taking them one by one and killing them. I tried to grab as many as I could and drag them to safety, but they were so heavy and I felt I was not doing any good, as more and more people were killed before I could get them out in time.
Randy and I had a daughter that a cult was trying to drug and steal from us. The cult used a cafe' as a decoy to their real purpose. Randy and set up a plan to go in and rescue our daughter. We went in at dark and snuck into the back rooms of the cafe'. We found her and while escaping ran through the front of the cafe'. This room was filled with our church congregation. They were all sitting up at tables. The closer I looked, though, I could tell that they were all paralyzed and were just propped up in the chairs. They had full control of what they were thinking, but could only move their eyes. Their eyes were pleading with me to help them. I watched horrified as the cult members were taking them one by one and killing them. I tried to grab as many as I could and drag them to safety, but they were so heavy and I felt I was not doing any good, as more and more people were killed before I could get them out in time.
Dream 4-4-02
This dream was pretty weird, but seems to go along with others I had after this one.
My church and I were going on an expedition to study or kill man-eating dragons and dinosaurs. we had our back packs on and ready to go, but first we sat down at a banquet table to drink wine and champagne. I was sitting close to a bottle of wine and reached out to take some. Someone yelled at me, "You don't need to be so grabby, there is plenty for everyone." So I didn't drink much , but everyone elso drank too much and were getting drunk. I kept thinking, " I need to stay awake or the dragons will come and eat my whole church." So I stood guard around the banquet table.
My church and I were going on an expedition to study or kill man-eating dragons and dinosaurs. we had our back packs on and ready to go, but first we sat down at a banquet table to drink wine and champagne. I was sitting close to a bottle of wine and reached out to take some. Someone yelled at me, "You don't need to be so grabby, there is plenty for everyone." So I didn't drink much , but everyone elso drank too much and were getting drunk. I kept thinking, " I need to stay awake or the dragons will come and eat my whole church." So I stood guard around the banquet table.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Dream: December 15, 2001
I was in a hospital having a procedure done. I was very depressed and didn't know why. I was in a room and a church member walked in to tell me something. She had a piece of paper in her hand. She left the door open and I was in view of a large number of our church congregation. I got very angry and yelled at her to leave.
I was then at a party, lying on a couch very upset. Another church member walked up to comfort me. I then remembered that I had lost a baby. That is why I was in the hospital. The child had died of a hereditary disease, but it was passed from sibling to sibling not from the parents. I then remembered reading a very detailed report on the cause of death and the deformities of this baby.
The meaning of this dream that God has revealed so far:
I prayed for awhile after this dream to know the meaning because it disturbed me so much. God said that this was a spiritual baby. As Christians we are not doing our job in producing healthy off spring or disciples. They are born deformed or still born. They are not capable of walking on their own. We pray for them to get saved and set them loose. We don't take the time to love and disciple people and show them the way.
The reason why the disease is hereditary, but not passed from the parents is that God is the perfect parent, He is not capable of producing anything but perfect, whole off-spring. We on the other hand are His children but we pass our deformities, our insecurities, our sin onto the people we try to bring to know Jesus.
I was then at a party, lying on a couch very upset. Another church member walked up to comfort me. I then remembered that I had lost a baby. That is why I was in the hospital. The child had died of a hereditary disease, but it was passed from sibling to sibling not from the parents. I then remembered reading a very detailed report on the cause of death and the deformities of this baby.
The meaning of this dream that God has revealed so far:
I prayed for awhile after this dream to know the meaning because it disturbed me so much. God said that this was a spiritual baby. As Christians we are not doing our job in producing healthy off spring or disciples. They are born deformed or still born. They are not capable of walking on their own. We pray for them to get saved and set them loose. We don't take the time to love and disciple people and show them the way.
The reason why the disease is hereditary, but not passed from the parents is that God is the perfect parent, He is not capable of producing anything but perfect, whole off-spring. We on the other hand are His children but we pass our deformities, our insecurities, our sin onto the people we try to bring to know Jesus.
Blessings
I have put a lot of thought lately into blessings. I think of things I can buy and things that are only by the grace of God.
My life is filled with so many blessings from God I really feel bad when I have a desire for an earthly possession.
A tiny list of blessings goes as such:
My parents; I didn't choose the life I was born into and my selfish nature would probably have picked a family that would give me more worldly things. The family God chose for me to be born into, though provided far beyond wordly toys and trinkets. Randy says I was spoiled by love and I probably was. My parents loved me with tenderness and discipline. They taught me the value of hard work and respect and honesty and was always there if I fell or stumbled. Even as an adult they still take care of me and help me to be a success as a parent and person. I am so blessed to have my Mom & Dad to love me.
My kids are healthy; far too often we take health for granted. I can not ever pay enough money to get a healthy body. My boys are healthy and no amount of money could replace that. God has blessed me and for that I am thankful.
I have a husband that not only loves me, he respects me; submitting to my husband is not a problem to me because I trust my husband and he shows me great respect. He protects me and even when our young boys talk back to me, he hears and comes and tells them they are never to talk to their Mom like that,ever. Randy is my best friend and money could not buy what God has given to us in marriage.
Blessings abound in my life and I never really have to look far to find them. I try really hard to not let little things upset me because I have so many things I did nothing to earn that could really be gone in an instant, so I need to grab hold and appreciate my life now while I have it.
My life is filled with so many blessings from God I really feel bad when I have a desire for an earthly possession.
A tiny list of blessings goes as such:
My parents; I didn't choose the life I was born into and my selfish nature would probably have picked a family that would give me more worldly things. The family God chose for me to be born into, though provided far beyond wordly toys and trinkets. Randy says I was spoiled by love and I probably was. My parents loved me with tenderness and discipline. They taught me the value of hard work and respect and honesty and was always there if I fell or stumbled. Even as an adult they still take care of me and help me to be a success as a parent and person. I am so blessed to have my Mom & Dad to love me.
My kids are healthy; far too often we take health for granted. I can not ever pay enough money to get a healthy body. My boys are healthy and no amount of money could replace that. God has blessed me and for that I am thankful.
I have a husband that not only loves me, he respects me; submitting to my husband is not a problem to me because I trust my husband and he shows me great respect. He protects me and even when our young boys talk back to me, he hears and comes and tells them they are never to talk to their Mom like that,ever. Randy is my best friend and money could not buy what God has given to us in marriage.
Blessings abound in my life and I never really have to look far to find them. I try really hard to not let little things upset me because I have so many things I did nothing to earn that could really be gone in an instant, so I need to grab hold and appreciate my life now while I have it.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Bad Words
My family has been discussing curse words and what makes a word "BAD"
The reason being my youngest ,Ethan, got very mad playing a video game and said a not proper for a 6 year old word.
My oldest, Elijah spelled what he said so he would not get in trouble. Then I wondered how an 8 year old knew how to spell it!
So I sent Ethan to his room to interrogate him. Turns out he didn't even know what he had said or what it meant so he escaped the soap for now. The problem arises in parenting when your child asks a question you just don't know the answer too. He asked" Why are there bad words?"
My answer "well, um, Why don't you stay in your room and ask God"
Cop-out I know but I didn't know what to say that he would understand.
The amazing thing is what he came up with.
Later he came up to me and said " The devil made up bad words so that we would get in trouble."
I don't know if that is a good way for him to think, but at least he hasn't said "the word" since.
The reason being my youngest ,Ethan, got very mad playing a video game and said a not proper for a 6 year old word.
My oldest, Elijah spelled what he said so he would not get in trouble. Then I wondered how an 8 year old knew how to spell it!
So I sent Ethan to his room to interrogate him. Turns out he didn't even know what he had said or what it meant so he escaped the soap for now. The problem arises in parenting when your child asks a question you just don't know the answer too. He asked" Why are there bad words?"
My answer "well, um, Why don't you stay in your room and ask God"
Cop-out I know but I didn't know what to say that he would understand.
The amazing thing is what he came up with.
Later he came up to me and said " The devil made up bad words so that we would get in trouble."
I don't know if that is a good way for him to think, but at least he hasn't said "the word" since.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Dreams Long Forgotten
I have written down most of the dreams as soon as I wake up, but some of my first dreams( The ones before I really knew that God was speaking to me) I didn't write down.
This is one of the very first dreams I can remember God speaking to me.
About 9 years ago I dreamt this:
I was in a large house filled with teenagers. I went to an upstairs room with a very sick child in my arms to pray for him. The room was dark, but I could still hear the voices of the teens from downstairs. Suddenly there was a large gust of wind that slammed the door shut. I couldn't escape. It felt like there was a presence in the room trying to hurt the child and I was trying to protect it. I began to scream at the presence and telling it to leave in Jesus name. I began praying very loudly and trying to scream for help, but no sound would come out of my mouth.
My husband,Randy. woke me up because I was screaming in my sleep.
In my walk with God at the time of this dream I had no idea what it meant.
Remembering this dream now I can still feel the protectiveness I had for the child. It has awakened a desire God put in my heart a long time ago and brought freshness to the things God has asked my whole family to do. The how to accomplish it all has just not been revealed yet. So we sit patiently waiting and praying for guidance.
This is one of the very first dreams I can remember God speaking to me.
About 9 years ago I dreamt this:
I was in a large house filled with teenagers. I went to an upstairs room with a very sick child in my arms to pray for him. The room was dark, but I could still hear the voices of the teens from downstairs. Suddenly there was a large gust of wind that slammed the door shut. I couldn't escape. It felt like there was a presence in the room trying to hurt the child and I was trying to protect it. I began to scream at the presence and telling it to leave in Jesus name. I began praying very loudly and trying to scream for help, but no sound would come out of my mouth.
My husband,Randy. woke me up because I was screaming in my sleep.
In my walk with God at the time of this dream I had no idea what it meant.
Remembering this dream now I can still feel the protectiveness I had for the child. It has awakened a desire God put in my heart a long time ago and brought freshness to the things God has asked my whole family to do. The how to accomplish it all has just not been revealed yet. So we sit patiently waiting and praying for guidance.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Dreams
God has given me alot of dreams; dreams, goals and aspirations that I want to see accomplished before I die. He has also given me dreams at night. Many I believe are prophetic for my life, but also prophetic for others.
I tend to be shy and under-estimate the power of God in my life, so I have had no idea how to convey my dreams to people. So this is a small start at expressing a mighty work God is doing in my life!
I tend to be shy and under-estimate the power of God in my life, so I have had no idea how to convey my dreams to people. So this is a small start at expressing a mighty work God is doing in my life!
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