Am I disillusioned in my walk with God?
I pray I am not.
What I mean by this is, I fear I do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I want this so bad, but there are times I feel so far from Him.
I want to be cleansed from my sin.
I have been praying about this all week, and then we got a sermon on sin Sunday morning.
God hit me hard,even in worship about how I am still entangled in sin and I want to be set free.
I don't want to be disillusioned my whole life and "think" I am serving God only to hear Him say "Depart from Me I never knew you."
I guess I just don't want to be complacent in my walk. I want to be quick to repent, Quick to say I am sorry, Quick to ask forgiveness.
I battle either being way too hard on myself and living under guilt and stress about how sinful I am or worrying I am being prideful when God is moving im my life and I can really feel and see Him working in my life, moving me a little bit closer to Him.
I want to be free, but I need true freedom. I don't want to live a fake life. I don't want to be so hard on myself I can accomplish nothing for Christ, but I don't want to thinkI am doing good because no man is perfect except, Christ.
It has been a thought process that goes round and round in my head and kind of makes me a little crazy.
I have faith, though, that God will work this out in me.
5 comments:
Tracy,
Please remember Philippians 1:6,
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. His
work has already begun in you & it is a continuing process....ongoing all the time. Take heart in this.
~Helen
Helen,
Thank-you so much for all of your encouragement!
Tracy,
It's amazing how we seem to think so much alike. Well, maybe that is scary for you. Anyway, keep on plugging away because you are one of the most thoughtful, beautiful, caring, and compassionate people that I know. I love ya.
Tracy: I think that God knows your heart for him and we know he loves you. Thank God you are doing well, and as PBR said we need to judge ourselves and be harder on ourselves than we would be to others, that way we will show others more compassion and grace. I know you are filled with the Holy Ghost so just let God convict you when necessary, don't let the enemy try and condem you. God is on the move and I believe these are the steps he is taking us through to see that we are repentant and seeking him with our whole heart. I love you!
Lisa, Ashley, Helen & Susan,
Thank-you so much for the encouraging, kind words. It is awesome to call such strong women of God as my friends. Ilove you all!
Lisa,
It is not scary thinking alike! It is a blessing knowing I am not alone.
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