Credit cards are a symbol of instant gratification to me. When I was in college I had one with a $500 limit and it took me more years than I want to think to pay it off. When I wanted something I bought it. I didn't think that in a month I would have to pay for it.
Things changed when I got married, but we have still had our own struggles with credit cards.
What really has made my think of this is how many times do I prevent God from blessing me because I was in too much of a hurry to get something.
When things are going good I can put it on my visa and not think another thing about it.
I want it, so I buy it. How selfish is that?
There have been times in my life that I had no extra money and I learned to do without. I learned not having everything I wanted would not kill me.
Recently God has blessed my family and we are getting out of debt and financially have a little bit of breathing room for the first time in our married life.
The problem with that is I can go to the store and get what I need and in most cases what I want, I don't need to pray and ask God to help me out.
I have been getting convicted on that so I just quit buying anything except groceries and essentials and just asking God for my other needs and mostly wants.
Can I just say God has shown up in a mighty way. It is so restful not trying to figure it all out on my own. If I need it he will provide a way.
There have been a few instances that have blown my mind so I wanted to share.
Ethan puts a hole in almost every pair of pants he owns. He is also very particular about what kind of pants and shirts he wears. They need to fit a certain way and he has a thing about lots of pockets on pants and striped shirts. Well anyway I usually by end of season clearance for the boys in clothes and save a lot of money. I hadn't been able to find any for him. I knew he was running out of pants , but I just didn't want spend $25 on a pair of pants. At church someone gave me a whole bag of clothes for the boys. Inside were two pairs of pants exactly like what he loves, and striped shirts, he was so excited. God even knows what kind of pants my six year old loves to wear!
Last week Randy and I were shopping with the boys. we were looking at weight sets, but I refused to pay $200-$300 for one. So we went to another store, there we ran into my brother and his father-in-law. We talked and it came up what we were looking for. Gary said "Hey I have a really nice weight set at my church you can just have." My brother called me yesterday and will deliver it to our house on Thursday. We don't even have to pick it up. Wow!! I could name instance after instance where God showed up when I was patient and waited on Him. He has given us a car when we needed one, a dryer, clothes, food, money , the list goes on and on of how He provides when I sit and wait and don't try to solve it myself.
Here is where God is really speaking to me. Wait on Him and He will provide and this is the big one: I HAVE to be willing to let go of all of my possessions as well. I need to obey Him and be willing to bless others and not always want to receive. I need to be able to say I own nothing! God is in control of everything and I will freely give as He says.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
My Boys
Randy & I decided to buy the boys an X-Box for Christmas. Can I just say that they have a time limit because my sanity holds out for only so long and they would live on it if I would let them. That being said something cool happened and I thought I would share.
They have a Star Wars game that has a split screen and they can pick a character and battle each other. They were playing and yelled for me to come watch. I ran in and they said to me "Look mom, we can make ObiWan praise God!' Sure enough there was Obi with his hands raised to heaven and my boys were so proud of themselves.
I don't really think there is anything profound in that,I just thought it was neat they were thinking of God even while playing a game.
They have a Star Wars game that has a split screen and they can pick a character and battle each other. They were playing and yelled for me to come watch. I ran in and they said to me "Look mom, we can make ObiWan praise God!' Sure enough there was Obi with his hands raised to heaven and my boys were so proud of themselves.
I don't really think there is anything profound in that,I just thought it was neat they were thinking of God even while playing a game.
Friday, March 04, 2005
The Hitchhiker
I saw a man on the side of the road, hitch hiking, the other day. It was a cold winter day. The wind was cold and was whipping through his hair. He had no hat or gloves. He was blowing warm air on his bare hands to warm them. I did nothing. I thought, if he is there when I drive back through I can give him some food. He was gone, I will probably never see him again, that breaks my heart. God has been speaking a few things to me since that day.
I have been told by my husband and others that I am never, ever, ever, ever to pick up a hitch hiker and I have promised I won't, but my heart still goes out to them and I want to help in some way. The first thing I think of is that I am so blessed because I have such a support system that I have never been down on my luck. Even if I would do things to loose every material thing I own I would still have such a group of people around me to get me back on my feet. If my car broke down I probably have ten people I could call to bail me out, If I lost my home I would have numerous people to take me in. I don't ever want to take that kind of support system for granted.
When I see someone on the side of the road, I wonder what happened in their life that brought them to this spot. It doesn't matter what brought them there, the fact is they are there. Now what can I do take make it a little bit better. Sometimes I think we do that to new people who have just accepted Jesus. We wonder about their sin and how they got their life in mess. It doesn't really matter how, as much as it matters now what can we do about it to help them get on the right path.
Another question I have been pondering since that day is this: If we could just help one person at a time, bring them in our home, love them, give them essential life skills, SHOW them the love of Jesus, help them on their way and then start all over again with someone else God brings our way. What a difference that would make in this world. I know, it is probably way too idealistic, but it is a thought that is running around in my head.
I just wish I had bought him some warm dinner. Maybe next time..............
I have been told by my husband and others that I am never, ever, ever, ever to pick up a hitch hiker and I have promised I won't, but my heart still goes out to them and I want to help in some way. The first thing I think of is that I am so blessed because I have such a support system that I have never been down on my luck. Even if I would do things to loose every material thing I own I would still have such a group of people around me to get me back on my feet. If my car broke down I probably have ten people I could call to bail me out, If I lost my home I would have numerous people to take me in. I don't ever want to take that kind of support system for granted.
When I see someone on the side of the road, I wonder what happened in their life that brought them to this spot. It doesn't matter what brought them there, the fact is they are there. Now what can I do take make it a little bit better. Sometimes I think we do that to new people who have just accepted Jesus. We wonder about their sin and how they got their life in mess. It doesn't really matter how, as much as it matters now what can we do about it to help them get on the right path.
Another question I have been pondering since that day is this: If we could just help one person at a time, bring them in our home, love them, give them essential life skills, SHOW them the love of Jesus, help them on their way and then start all over again with someone else God brings our way. What a difference that would make in this world. I know, it is probably way too idealistic, but it is a thought that is running around in my head.
I just wish I had bought him some warm dinner. Maybe next time..............
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Disillusion
Am I disillusioned in my walk with God?
I pray I am not.
What I mean by this is, I fear I do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I want this so bad, but there are times I feel so far from Him.
I want to be cleansed from my sin.
I have been praying about this all week, and then we got a sermon on sin Sunday morning.
God hit me hard,even in worship about how I am still entangled in sin and I want to be set free.
I don't want to be disillusioned my whole life and "think" I am serving God only to hear Him say "Depart from Me I never knew you."
I guess I just don't want to be complacent in my walk. I want to be quick to repent, Quick to say I am sorry, Quick to ask forgiveness.
I battle either being way too hard on myself and living under guilt and stress about how sinful I am or worrying I am being prideful when God is moving im my life and I can really feel and see Him working in my life, moving me a little bit closer to Him.
I want to be free, but I need true freedom. I don't want to live a fake life. I don't want to be so hard on myself I can accomplish nothing for Christ, but I don't want to thinkI am doing good because no man is perfect except, Christ.
It has been a thought process that goes round and round in my head and kind of makes me a little crazy.
I have faith, though, that God will work this out in me.
I pray I am not.
What I mean by this is, I fear I do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I want this so bad, but there are times I feel so far from Him.
I want to be cleansed from my sin.
I have been praying about this all week, and then we got a sermon on sin Sunday morning.
God hit me hard,even in worship about how I am still entangled in sin and I want to be set free.
I don't want to be disillusioned my whole life and "think" I am serving God only to hear Him say "Depart from Me I never knew you."
I guess I just don't want to be complacent in my walk. I want to be quick to repent, Quick to say I am sorry, Quick to ask forgiveness.
I battle either being way too hard on myself and living under guilt and stress about how sinful I am or worrying I am being prideful when God is moving im my life and I can really feel and see Him working in my life, moving me a little bit closer to Him.
I want to be free, but I need true freedom. I don't want to live a fake life. I don't want to be so hard on myself I can accomplish nothing for Christ, but I don't want to thinkI am doing good because no man is perfect except, Christ.
It has been a thought process that goes round and round in my head and kind of makes me a little crazy.
I have faith, though, that God will work this out in me.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Carol
Carol was a great lady. She was someone I knew cared about my walk with God, even as a little kid. I don't really remember how my parents met Carol, but I know it was ordained by God.
My Mom worked full-time and my Dad was called away on business alot when I was a kid, so I spent a lot of time at a babysitter. I know God provided the babysitters because everyone was a Godly person who loved my brother and I like family. That in itself is a miracle.
Carol was one of my babysitters. She invited our family to church and made us feel welcome. Some people at this church made a point to make us not feel welcome, but Carol's family always did. We became family to her. She would come and pick me up on Sunday's my Mom had to work. She played with us in her pool. She tried to teach me piano. She made us root beer floats. She was kind with us and made a lasting impression on me as to what Christianity should be. I was a fat, insecure kid who missed being around my parents and she seemed to understand that. She made me feel welcome.
I found out this week that Carol had died. It made me sad, but also I thought of the work she had done for God by just making people feel welcome, that they were important. How I want to leave this Earth knowing I have done some good for someone. Carol might never know how she directed me on the right path with God. She might never know how she made an insecure kid feel like someone besides family cared about what happpened to her. She did a lot for me, but it all came natural to her. She was just being herself.
My Mom worked full-time and my Dad was called away on business alot when I was a kid, so I spent a lot of time at a babysitter. I know God provided the babysitters because everyone was a Godly person who loved my brother and I like family. That in itself is a miracle.
Carol was one of my babysitters. She invited our family to church and made us feel welcome. Some people at this church made a point to make us not feel welcome, but Carol's family always did. We became family to her. She would come and pick me up on Sunday's my Mom had to work. She played with us in her pool. She tried to teach me piano. She made us root beer floats. She was kind with us and made a lasting impression on me as to what Christianity should be. I was a fat, insecure kid who missed being around my parents and she seemed to understand that. She made me feel welcome.
I found out this week that Carol had died. It made me sad, but also I thought of the work she had done for God by just making people feel welcome, that they were important. How I want to leave this Earth knowing I have done some good for someone. Carol might never know how she directed me on the right path with God. She might never know how she made an insecure kid feel like someone besides family cared about what happpened to her. She did a lot for me, but it all came natural to her. She was just being herself.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Vision
Proverbs 29:18
Where there is no vision the people will perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Having a vision from God is an awesome thing, to have direction in your life, a point to focus on.
I am blessed, my husband and I have a purpose, a vision, a direction.
In a very few words our vision is to fill our home with people to minister to them. Whether that be to adopt children, help families get back on their feet, house missionaries, help troubled teens or even encourage other christians. W e are leaving the door wide open for God to work, but we have a plan of action and we are diligently working towards that.
Has it been easy? NO!!!
We have been called stupid. We have been told to think smaller, to tone down a bit. Well I say "No Way!" If God says it, He is more than capable to figure out how it will be accomplished.
The problem I see is not in having too big of a vision it is having no vision.
Really a bigger problem than that is those who step out in their vision are the ones to be beaten down, to feel defeated before they even get started.
For me the biggest thing to overcome was not how to accomplish what God has set before me, it was to ignore people's discouraging remarks that tore me down and left me with no energy to do what God has set before me.
Is all of it because of jealousy? Do we think that God can't have a plan for us, so we want to tear down His plan for others? I don't know, but it is time we ask God what our purpose is and do it.
I have decided that whether anyone believes in me and my family or not I will do my best to accomplish the task He has set before me.
So in summary because of the trials I have been through I can truly say I want to get behind those with a passion, a vision and I will do what I can to support and lift them up.
God is so big and has given each of us a place. We need to ask Him what that place is and do it with all of our might and if we can't do that then we had better be sure we are not tearing down those with a vision.
Where there is no vision the people will perish; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
Having a vision from God is an awesome thing, to have direction in your life, a point to focus on.
I am blessed, my husband and I have a purpose, a vision, a direction.
In a very few words our vision is to fill our home with people to minister to them. Whether that be to adopt children, help families get back on their feet, house missionaries, help troubled teens or even encourage other christians. W e are leaving the door wide open for God to work, but we have a plan of action and we are diligently working towards that.
Has it been easy? NO!!!
We have been called stupid. We have been told to think smaller, to tone down a bit. Well I say "No Way!" If God says it, He is more than capable to figure out how it will be accomplished.
The problem I see is not in having too big of a vision it is having no vision.
Really a bigger problem than that is those who step out in their vision are the ones to be beaten down, to feel defeated before they even get started.
For me the biggest thing to overcome was not how to accomplish what God has set before me, it was to ignore people's discouraging remarks that tore me down and left me with no energy to do what God has set before me.
Is all of it because of jealousy? Do we think that God can't have a plan for us, so we want to tear down His plan for others? I don't know, but it is time we ask God what our purpose is and do it.
I have decided that whether anyone believes in me and my family or not I will do my best to accomplish the task He has set before me.
So in summary because of the trials I have been through I can truly say I want to get behind those with a passion, a vision and I will do what I can to support and lift them up.
God is so big and has given each of us a place. We need to ask Him what that place is and do it with all of our might and if we can't do that then we had better be sure we are not tearing down those with a vision.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
The Atmosphere of God
I just started reading a book on Rees Howells and something in the very beginning of the book has already got me thinking.
Rees talks about the influence his grandparents had on his early up bringing and he felt as though he passed from earth to heaven when he visited him. He says " God was the atmosphere."
WOW! All I can say is that is my prayer. God be my atmosphere, be so close to me, help my walk be so close to you that my home is filled so much with you that it can be said that "you are the atmosphere!"
Those three words just struck a chord with what I want my home to feel like. What I want my life to feel like.
Rees talks about the influence his grandparents had on his early up bringing and he felt as though he passed from earth to heaven when he visited him. He says " God was the atmosphere."
WOW! All I can say is that is my prayer. God be my atmosphere, be so close to me, help my walk be so close to you that my home is filled so much with you that it can be said that "you are the atmosphere!"
Those three words just struck a chord with what I want my home to feel like. What I want my life to feel like.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Church Stuff
It probably has not been a secret that I have been totally burnt out on church stuff for a couple of years now. I was tired of trying to find God at church and either being hurt or disillusioned by the god I was finding. The glorious thing is that God met me all by myself in my little woods.
He healed a hurting heart and answered prayers I didn't even have the strength to pray. The greatest thing He did is He restored hope. I can once again believe in people and what miraculous things God can do using people.
The whole point of writing this is because once again I am excited about my church. I see people with a heart to serve and a heart to obey God. I am not directly involved in any of it and I really don't want to be involved other than one thing, to encourage. I want to encourage those who are doing something to continue to obey God even when it becomes hard. I want to put aside what I might change or make better to fit my family and support whole-heartedly those who are sacrificing to serve me and my family. I want more than anything to be positive and speak life and if I can't I need to sit down and shut-up.
Speaking positive things or nothing at all is hard for me. When I pay attention to my speech I recognize a lot of ugly things come out of my mouth.
I pray God helps me to watch what I say. I pray He will stop me before I speak bad about anyone or anything and if it is not pleasing to Him I will just keep my mouth shut.
He healed a hurting heart and answered prayers I didn't even have the strength to pray. The greatest thing He did is He restored hope. I can once again believe in people and what miraculous things God can do using people.
The whole point of writing this is because once again I am excited about my church. I see people with a heart to serve and a heart to obey God. I am not directly involved in any of it and I really don't want to be involved other than one thing, to encourage. I want to encourage those who are doing something to continue to obey God even when it becomes hard. I want to put aside what I might change or make better to fit my family and support whole-heartedly those who are sacrificing to serve me and my family. I want more than anything to be positive and speak life and if I can't I need to sit down and shut-up.
Speaking positive things or nothing at all is hard for me. When I pay attention to my speech I recognize a lot of ugly things come out of my mouth.
I pray God helps me to watch what I say. I pray He will stop me before I speak bad about anyone or anything and if it is not pleasing to Him I will just keep my mouth shut.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Funny Story
Yesterday we had something funny happen, but we are probably the only ones that think it is funny. I guess we have a weird sense of humor. Well here goes with the funny happening:
We awoke to hearing our guineas ( if you don't know guineas are large chicken-like birds that are good watch dogs b/c they make a lot of noise and they eat alot of bugs esp. ticks) flapping around and making noise. So Randy gets his gun and goes out to check on them. They had flown out of their coop and were on top of our house. He looked and a raccoon was sitting on top of their coop trying to get in. Randy shot it and came in to get ready for work. When he came in I totally felt like Ma Ingalls saying "Pa did you get that varmint that was gittin in our critters"
I know I lead a sad life when this was my funny story, but I thought it was funny, especially when I have friends that call me Laura or Beth Ingalls and call Randy Manly. They are probably pretty close in comparing us to them. Well anyway I thought it was funny and thought I would share. Hope it made someone else laugh too.
We awoke to hearing our guineas ( if you don't know guineas are large chicken-like birds that are good watch dogs b/c they make a lot of noise and they eat alot of bugs esp. ticks) flapping around and making noise. So Randy gets his gun and goes out to check on them. They had flown out of their coop and were on top of our house. He looked and a raccoon was sitting on top of their coop trying to get in. Randy shot it and came in to get ready for work. When he came in I totally felt like Ma Ingalls saying "Pa did you get that varmint that was gittin in our critters"
I know I lead a sad life when this was my funny story, but I thought it was funny, especially when I have friends that call me Laura or Beth Ingalls and call Randy Manly. They are probably pretty close in comparing us to them. Well anyway I thought it was funny and thought I would share. Hope it made someone else laugh too.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Tiny Ants
Sometimes I feel like a little ant in the grand scheme of things. I am scurrying around trying to fill my life with things and at any moment I could be squashed by a big shoe or worse yet burnt up by a huge magnifying glass.
I think about this a lot when I work for my Dad. Here we are putting a new road or bridge in, taking load ofter load of dirt out and bringing load after load of rock and sand in.
Sometimes it seems very, very pointless.
Does God just shake His head as we scurry around moving piles of Eath from one location to another and then in a few years do it again.
I also think about how precious time has become the older I get. Do I want to work so many hours of my life to pay for one item. Is it really worth that?
So many things just seem futile, like I am just spinning my wheels, wasting my time. I know some things are neccesary, but when I clean or do laundry, it is just going to get dirty again.
I will be the first to admit I can be a neat freak so cleanliness is important, but geesh, can it stay clean for more than five minutes.
I guess I just need help to focus more on the things that will last. Sometimes I just imagine that this world is burnt up, gone. Have I invested only in things that are now smoldering charcoal or are there some lasting things that have gone through the fire? I pray I have invested in lasting things and not wasted my life on a bunch of firewood.
I think about this a lot when I work for my Dad. Here we are putting a new road or bridge in, taking load ofter load of dirt out and bringing load after load of rock and sand in.
Sometimes it seems very, very pointless.
Does God just shake His head as we scurry around moving piles of Eath from one location to another and then in a few years do it again.
I also think about how precious time has become the older I get. Do I want to work so many hours of my life to pay for one item. Is it really worth that?
So many things just seem futile, like I am just spinning my wheels, wasting my time. I know some things are neccesary, but when I clean or do laundry, it is just going to get dirty again.
I will be the first to admit I can be a neat freak so cleanliness is important, but geesh, can it stay clean for more than five minutes.
I guess I just need help to focus more on the things that will last. Sometimes I just imagine that this world is burnt up, gone. Have I invested only in things that are now smoldering charcoal or are there some lasting things that have gone through the fire? I pray I have invested in lasting things and not wasted my life on a bunch of firewood.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Trusting God with my Mistakes
I have a real problem with worrrying whether I have heard from God or not. I know I have missed so many opportunities because I just don't trust God enough to fix my mistakes.
I tend to be a perfectionist by nature. So bad to the point I have refused learning or trying new things becuase I either won't be able to do it perfectly or I will look like a fool trying.
I am ashamed to think of the things I have missed out on because of this.
More and more my desire is to just do what God asks me, whether I can do it perfectly or not. the problem is I second-guess whether I have really heard from God or not.
Was it God, or is it just me?
I have come to a conclusion that God is big enough to fix my mistakes. If my heart is to serve Him then if I miss Him, He is perfectly capable to make it o.k.
I try to think now that it is better to do something than sit on my butt and do nothing.
How many times does God have to send another person to do my work because I was unwilling to try. More times than I would want to think. So I guess if He is powerful enough to fix things when I flat refuse to obey then He is more than able to fix my oops when I am actually trying to serve Him.
I tend to be a perfectionist by nature. So bad to the point I have refused learning or trying new things becuase I either won't be able to do it perfectly or I will look like a fool trying.
I am ashamed to think of the things I have missed out on because of this.
More and more my desire is to just do what God asks me, whether I can do it perfectly or not. the problem is I second-guess whether I have really heard from God or not.
Was it God, or is it just me?
I have come to a conclusion that God is big enough to fix my mistakes. If my heart is to serve Him then if I miss Him, He is perfectly capable to make it o.k.
I try to think now that it is better to do something than sit on my butt and do nothing.
How many times does God have to send another person to do my work because I was unwilling to try. More times than I would want to think. So I guess if He is powerful enough to fix things when I flat refuse to obey then He is more than able to fix my oops when I am actually trying to serve Him.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Hell is a scary place
This question has plagued me from early in my childhood until now:
Do I love God or do I just fear going to hell?
As a child I would have nightmares about hell and demons, even now I awake a night with a fear of demons and where they might be hovering in my room.
This morning at church this question just kept popping up in my head.
I don't want to desire heaven only because the alternative is so undesirable.
I want to love God purely because He is God.
I want to truly understand that I really deserve hell, but Jesus through His grace and mercy allowed me in my filth to nail Him to the cross. He shed His innocent blood to cover up my ugliness. He allowed me to do that so that I might be with Him forever. If only I could believe He did that for me and that I did nothing to earn it and without His sacrifice I would be sent to the place I am truly deserving, hell.
It scares me alot that I do not comprehend that fully. I do not live every breathe as though I really understand what Jesus did for me.
I do not want to serve Him just because I fear what hell holds for me.
I have often thought of entering heaven as winning the lottery for me. If I get in that would be wonderful. It would be such a beautiful surprise. The reality is that I am too ugly and full of sin to be allowed in.
Sometimes I think these thoughts are a safe guard against becoming proud and too sure of my salvation. Other times I think I have too much fear in my life and live not a joyful life, but a life afraid more of the devil and demons than in awe of Christ and His love, power, beauty and mercy.
Do I love God or do I just fear going to hell?
As a child I would have nightmares about hell and demons, even now I awake a night with a fear of demons and where they might be hovering in my room.
This morning at church this question just kept popping up in my head.
I don't want to desire heaven only because the alternative is so undesirable.
I want to love God purely because He is God.
I want to truly understand that I really deserve hell, but Jesus through His grace and mercy allowed me in my filth to nail Him to the cross. He shed His innocent blood to cover up my ugliness. He allowed me to do that so that I might be with Him forever. If only I could believe He did that for me and that I did nothing to earn it and without His sacrifice I would be sent to the place I am truly deserving, hell.
It scares me alot that I do not comprehend that fully. I do not live every breathe as though I really understand what Jesus did for me.
I do not want to serve Him just because I fear what hell holds for me.
I have often thought of entering heaven as winning the lottery for me. If I get in that would be wonderful. It would be such a beautiful surprise. The reality is that I am too ugly and full of sin to be allowed in.
Sometimes I think these thoughts are a safe guard against becoming proud and too sure of my salvation. Other times I think I have too much fear in my life and live not a joyful life, but a life afraid more of the devil and demons than in awe of Christ and His love, power, beauty and mercy.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Intercession
The three dreams I wrote about have laid heavy on my heart for these 3 years now. I know that God has called me to intercessory prayer, but I always felt so incapable and unworthy of this calling I would never admit it. I have prayed these past years, but not the way He desires for me. I was always afraid to admit it.
One reason is I see interssory prayer as an awesome gift, one that I surely couldn't possess. I see the intercessors at church and have such a respect for their walk with God and see I am still filled with too much sin to be put in that category.
Another reason is praying is such a hard thing for me to do. My brain runs at a hundred miles a minute. Sometimes I just wish I could shut it off and get some quiet. I can be thinking of ten problems at once and try to find solutions for them all while helping the kids do schoolwork. It makes me crazy sometimes. So in that way I feel very inadequate because I can't seem to focus all of my attention on God and what He wants me to pray. My mind wanders to everything else, but Him. This problem alone makes me see how unworthy I am to serve Him.
Now I am drawn to prayer more and more. My mind still wanders, but I am believing that God will help me. Now my prayers are so intense. I feel pain and compassion I never new possible when I pray.
I still feel so inadequate and I am missing so many opportunities that I just feel so unprepared for. So in a nut shell, the revelation for those 3 dreams is :PRAY!
I am sure there is more, but I am still trying to obey the first revelation. I probably won't get more until I can simply obey what I know right now.
One reason is I see interssory prayer as an awesome gift, one that I surely couldn't possess. I see the intercessors at church and have such a respect for their walk with God and see I am still filled with too much sin to be put in that category.
Another reason is praying is such a hard thing for me to do. My brain runs at a hundred miles a minute. Sometimes I just wish I could shut it off and get some quiet. I can be thinking of ten problems at once and try to find solutions for them all while helping the kids do schoolwork. It makes me crazy sometimes. So in that way I feel very inadequate because I can't seem to focus all of my attention on God and what He wants me to pray. My mind wanders to everything else, but Him. This problem alone makes me see how unworthy I am to serve Him.
Now I am drawn to prayer more and more. My mind still wanders, but I am believing that God will help me. Now my prayers are so intense. I feel pain and compassion I never new possible when I pray.
I still feel so inadequate and I am missing so many opportunities that I just feel so unprepared for. So in a nut shell, the revelation for those 3 dreams is :PRAY!
I am sure there is more, but I am still trying to obey the first revelation. I probably won't get more until I can simply obey what I know right now.
Dream September, 2002
This dream scared me and I was really afraid to sleep for awhile after this one.
I was sitting in my church, close to the front. The church was pretty full and we had a special speaker preaching. I felt a presence at the back of the church. I turned and saw a cloaked figure with a huge sword or axe. He was swinging this sword back and forth coming toward the people sitting in the pews. I jumped up and yelled, but no one would listen to me. They were oblivious to this thing cutting their heads off. Everyone just sat calmly as this thing began destroying everyone in the church. I began yelling and rebuking it and my yelling woke me up.
I was sitting in my church, close to the front. The church was pretty full and we had a special speaker preaching. I felt a presence at the back of the church. I turned and saw a cloaked figure with a huge sword or axe. He was swinging this sword back and forth coming toward the people sitting in the pews. I jumped up and yelled, but no one would listen to me. They were oblivious to this thing cutting their heads off. Everyone just sat calmly as this thing began destroying everyone in the church. I began yelling and rebuking it and my yelling woke me up.
Dream: April, 2002
This one is equally bizarre as the previous one.
Randy and I had a daughter that a cult was trying to drug and steal from us. The cult used a cafe' as a decoy to their real purpose. Randy and set up a plan to go in and rescue our daughter. We went in at dark and snuck into the back rooms of the cafe'. We found her and while escaping ran through the front of the cafe'. This room was filled with our church congregation. They were all sitting up at tables. The closer I looked, though, I could tell that they were all paralyzed and were just propped up in the chairs. They had full control of what they were thinking, but could only move their eyes. Their eyes were pleading with me to help them. I watched horrified as the cult members were taking them one by one and killing them. I tried to grab as many as I could and drag them to safety, but they were so heavy and I felt I was not doing any good, as more and more people were killed before I could get them out in time.
Randy and I had a daughter that a cult was trying to drug and steal from us. The cult used a cafe' as a decoy to their real purpose. Randy and set up a plan to go in and rescue our daughter. We went in at dark and snuck into the back rooms of the cafe'. We found her and while escaping ran through the front of the cafe'. This room was filled with our church congregation. They were all sitting up at tables. The closer I looked, though, I could tell that they were all paralyzed and were just propped up in the chairs. They had full control of what they were thinking, but could only move their eyes. Their eyes were pleading with me to help them. I watched horrified as the cult members were taking them one by one and killing them. I tried to grab as many as I could and drag them to safety, but they were so heavy and I felt I was not doing any good, as more and more people were killed before I could get them out in time.
Dream 4-4-02
This dream was pretty weird, but seems to go along with others I had after this one.
My church and I were going on an expedition to study or kill man-eating dragons and dinosaurs. we had our back packs on and ready to go, but first we sat down at a banquet table to drink wine and champagne. I was sitting close to a bottle of wine and reached out to take some. Someone yelled at me, "You don't need to be so grabby, there is plenty for everyone." So I didn't drink much , but everyone elso drank too much and were getting drunk. I kept thinking, " I need to stay awake or the dragons will come and eat my whole church." So I stood guard around the banquet table.
My church and I were going on an expedition to study or kill man-eating dragons and dinosaurs. we had our back packs on and ready to go, but first we sat down at a banquet table to drink wine and champagne. I was sitting close to a bottle of wine and reached out to take some. Someone yelled at me, "You don't need to be so grabby, there is plenty for everyone." So I didn't drink much , but everyone elso drank too much and were getting drunk. I kept thinking, " I need to stay awake or the dragons will come and eat my whole church." So I stood guard around the banquet table.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Dream: December 15, 2001
I was in a hospital having a procedure done. I was very depressed and didn't know why. I was in a room and a church member walked in to tell me something. She had a piece of paper in her hand. She left the door open and I was in view of a large number of our church congregation. I got very angry and yelled at her to leave.
I was then at a party, lying on a couch very upset. Another church member walked up to comfort me. I then remembered that I had lost a baby. That is why I was in the hospital. The child had died of a hereditary disease, but it was passed from sibling to sibling not from the parents. I then remembered reading a very detailed report on the cause of death and the deformities of this baby.
The meaning of this dream that God has revealed so far:
I prayed for awhile after this dream to know the meaning because it disturbed me so much. God said that this was a spiritual baby. As Christians we are not doing our job in producing healthy off spring or disciples. They are born deformed or still born. They are not capable of walking on their own. We pray for them to get saved and set them loose. We don't take the time to love and disciple people and show them the way.
The reason why the disease is hereditary, but not passed from the parents is that God is the perfect parent, He is not capable of producing anything but perfect, whole off-spring. We on the other hand are His children but we pass our deformities, our insecurities, our sin onto the people we try to bring to know Jesus.
I was then at a party, lying on a couch very upset. Another church member walked up to comfort me. I then remembered that I had lost a baby. That is why I was in the hospital. The child had died of a hereditary disease, but it was passed from sibling to sibling not from the parents. I then remembered reading a very detailed report on the cause of death and the deformities of this baby.
The meaning of this dream that God has revealed so far:
I prayed for awhile after this dream to know the meaning because it disturbed me so much. God said that this was a spiritual baby. As Christians we are not doing our job in producing healthy off spring or disciples. They are born deformed or still born. They are not capable of walking on their own. We pray for them to get saved and set them loose. We don't take the time to love and disciple people and show them the way.
The reason why the disease is hereditary, but not passed from the parents is that God is the perfect parent, He is not capable of producing anything but perfect, whole off-spring. We on the other hand are His children but we pass our deformities, our insecurities, our sin onto the people we try to bring to know Jesus.
Blessings
I have put a lot of thought lately into blessings. I think of things I can buy and things that are only by the grace of God.
My life is filled with so many blessings from God I really feel bad when I have a desire for an earthly possession.
A tiny list of blessings goes as such:
My parents; I didn't choose the life I was born into and my selfish nature would probably have picked a family that would give me more worldly things. The family God chose for me to be born into, though provided far beyond wordly toys and trinkets. Randy says I was spoiled by love and I probably was. My parents loved me with tenderness and discipline. They taught me the value of hard work and respect and honesty and was always there if I fell or stumbled. Even as an adult they still take care of me and help me to be a success as a parent and person. I am so blessed to have my Mom & Dad to love me.
My kids are healthy; far too often we take health for granted. I can not ever pay enough money to get a healthy body. My boys are healthy and no amount of money could replace that. God has blessed me and for that I am thankful.
I have a husband that not only loves me, he respects me; submitting to my husband is not a problem to me because I trust my husband and he shows me great respect. He protects me and even when our young boys talk back to me, he hears and comes and tells them they are never to talk to their Mom like that,ever. Randy is my best friend and money could not buy what God has given to us in marriage.
Blessings abound in my life and I never really have to look far to find them. I try really hard to not let little things upset me because I have so many things I did nothing to earn that could really be gone in an instant, so I need to grab hold and appreciate my life now while I have it.
My life is filled with so many blessings from God I really feel bad when I have a desire for an earthly possession.
A tiny list of blessings goes as such:
My parents; I didn't choose the life I was born into and my selfish nature would probably have picked a family that would give me more worldly things. The family God chose for me to be born into, though provided far beyond wordly toys and trinkets. Randy says I was spoiled by love and I probably was. My parents loved me with tenderness and discipline. They taught me the value of hard work and respect and honesty and was always there if I fell or stumbled. Even as an adult they still take care of me and help me to be a success as a parent and person. I am so blessed to have my Mom & Dad to love me.
My kids are healthy; far too often we take health for granted. I can not ever pay enough money to get a healthy body. My boys are healthy and no amount of money could replace that. God has blessed me and for that I am thankful.
I have a husband that not only loves me, he respects me; submitting to my husband is not a problem to me because I trust my husband and he shows me great respect. He protects me and even when our young boys talk back to me, he hears and comes and tells them they are never to talk to their Mom like that,ever. Randy is my best friend and money could not buy what God has given to us in marriage.
Blessings abound in my life and I never really have to look far to find them. I try really hard to not let little things upset me because I have so many things I did nothing to earn that could really be gone in an instant, so I need to grab hold and appreciate my life now while I have it.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Bad Words
My family has been discussing curse words and what makes a word "BAD"
The reason being my youngest ,Ethan, got very mad playing a video game and said a not proper for a 6 year old word.
My oldest, Elijah spelled what he said so he would not get in trouble. Then I wondered how an 8 year old knew how to spell it!
So I sent Ethan to his room to interrogate him. Turns out he didn't even know what he had said or what it meant so he escaped the soap for now. The problem arises in parenting when your child asks a question you just don't know the answer too. He asked" Why are there bad words?"
My answer "well, um, Why don't you stay in your room and ask God"
Cop-out I know but I didn't know what to say that he would understand.
The amazing thing is what he came up with.
Later he came up to me and said " The devil made up bad words so that we would get in trouble."
I don't know if that is a good way for him to think, but at least he hasn't said "the word" since.
The reason being my youngest ,Ethan, got very mad playing a video game and said a not proper for a 6 year old word.
My oldest, Elijah spelled what he said so he would not get in trouble. Then I wondered how an 8 year old knew how to spell it!
So I sent Ethan to his room to interrogate him. Turns out he didn't even know what he had said or what it meant so he escaped the soap for now. The problem arises in parenting when your child asks a question you just don't know the answer too. He asked" Why are there bad words?"
My answer "well, um, Why don't you stay in your room and ask God"
Cop-out I know but I didn't know what to say that he would understand.
The amazing thing is what he came up with.
Later he came up to me and said " The devil made up bad words so that we would get in trouble."
I don't know if that is a good way for him to think, but at least he hasn't said "the word" since.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Dreams Long Forgotten
I have written down most of the dreams as soon as I wake up, but some of my first dreams( The ones before I really knew that God was speaking to me) I didn't write down.
This is one of the very first dreams I can remember God speaking to me.
About 9 years ago I dreamt this:
I was in a large house filled with teenagers. I went to an upstairs room with a very sick child in my arms to pray for him. The room was dark, but I could still hear the voices of the teens from downstairs. Suddenly there was a large gust of wind that slammed the door shut. I couldn't escape. It felt like there was a presence in the room trying to hurt the child and I was trying to protect it. I began to scream at the presence and telling it to leave in Jesus name. I began praying very loudly and trying to scream for help, but no sound would come out of my mouth.
My husband,Randy. woke me up because I was screaming in my sleep.
In my walk with God at the time of this dream I had no idea what it meant.
Remembering this dream now I can still feel the protectiveness I had for the child. It has awakened a desire God put in my heart a long time ago and brought freshness to the things God has asked my whole family to do. The how to accomplish it all has just not been revealed yet. So we sit patiently waiting and praying for guidance.
This is one of the very first dreams I can remember God speaking to me.
About 9 years ago I dreamt this:
I was in a large house filled with teenagers. I went to an upstairs room with a very sick child in my arms to pray for him. The room was dark, but I could still hear the voices of the teens from downstairs. Suddenly there was a large gust of wind that slammed the door shut. I couldn't escape. It felt like there was a presence in the room trying to hurt the child and I was trying to protect it. I began to scream at the presence and telling it to leave in Jesus name. I began praying very loudly and trying to scream for help, but no sound would come out of my mouth.
My husband,Randy. woke me up because I was screaming in my sleep.
In my walk with God at the time of this dream I had no idea what it meant.
Remembering this dream now I can still feel the protectiveness I had for the child. It has awakened a desire God put in my heart a long time ago and brought freshness to the things God has asked my whole family to do. The how to accomplish it all has just not been revealed yet. So we sit patiently waiting and praying for guidance.
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