Report

I did not die nor did I vomit from nervousness ( althought I wanted to)
I obeyed and the feeling of relief is overwhelming. God is good and I know His purpose will be accomplished with me doing a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny part.

Another thing on Obedience

I have been in a bit of a mood lately. I feel as though I am spinning my wheels and doing nothing for God. I thought that after we got our foster liscense we would be busy with kids and I would feel as though I as "doing" something productive. Last week as I was praying (whyning) to God about this. I disctinctly heard Him say" If you aren't going to do this one thing for me why am I going to trust you with more?" today I am going to do this one thing even if I puke from nervousness! I know God will be with me and it will be o.k.

Obedience is better than Sacrifice

God asked me to do something a few months ago. I put it on my to-do list and then forgot it. But in my heart I can't for get it, so today is the day.
God's request will only take 5 minuts, tops, out of my day. It isn't even the time involved, it's the fact that what He is asking will stretch me out of my comfort zone. I really am terrified, but I think now I am more terrified of not obeying God.
So I'm going to step out and obey. It is ridiculous how scared I am to do this. If you knew what I was so afraid of you would laugh ( that's why I'm not telling).
So today I will obey. If the results are Earth-shattering I will post them. If not I will just know that I made one more step closer to being fully obedient to God. Sometimes it is the small things that are so hard to do!

Samson & Delilah

Samson was a man set apart by God before his birth. His Momma had special instructions for him. He was a miracle. I am sure he was told all this numerous times during his childhood. Judges 13-16 talks of his life and all the things God did for him and how Samson was a tool in God's great plan. One thing that stuck out to me was the interaction between Samson & Delilah.
The Bible says Samson was in love with her, so he probably wasn't thinking too clearly about making wise decisions when he was with her. I know that she might have loved him, but not enough to refuse 1100 shekels from Samson's enemies, the philistines, for his capture.
This is the part of the story that in reading it you think Samson was an idiot. Delilah gets Samson alone and she gets all cuddly with him and says ," Oh Samy won't you tell me the secret of your strength?". So Samson makes up some bogus amswer and She does exactly what Samson said would subdue his strength and then yells out" O.k. Boys I got him! Come out and take your prisoner." And out jumps all these Philistines to pounce on Samson and take him captive. Samson beats them all up and then Delilah boo-hoos that Samson does not love her. This scenario goes on more than once. Each time there are Philistines in hiding waiting to capture Samson. What makes me think he just wasn't too bright was the fact that the last time he actually tells Delilah the secret of his strength. Seriously what does he think is going to happen now? The Philistines just wanted to sing lullabies to him? They want to capture him and make him their prisoner. And that is exactly what they did.
God got ahold of my heart while reading this because many times I, like Samson, am an absolute idiot. I know exactly what the outcome for my sin will be yet I still play with fire. after the first time Delilah pulled her little stunt, he should have run screaming from the room. But no, just like me I sometimes play with fire. How close to sin can I come without getting burnt? Before I know it I am consumed and I don't even know how.

Glad you are part of my family!

Is there anyone that you are blessed beyond measure to be part of thier family?
I feel that way about a lot of people, but this week I am especially blessed to know Randy's Grandmother. She lives up North and we don't spend as much time with her as we would like, but she is such a sweetheart. She has been writing poetry for God since she was young and never tires of telling others about Jesus' love. Over the last year Randy and I have had the privelege of compling her "book of poems". We have been typing them out and want to get her book finished for Christmas. I have been touched by God every time I sit down to work on this project. Here is one that really made me stop and think.

A Giant

By Ethel C. Kauffman

Be a giant in God's kingdom

Looking to Jesus for our freedom

Rise up in warfare for He watches nearby

Never letting Satan spit in your eye

Rebuke him in all he tries to do

Tell him that Jesus is your mighty tool

For Jesus is my armor and my shield

So leave me alone for I will not yield!

Reading these poems has made me realize what a gift God has given me in the Grandmothers I have and how I was blessed with this wonderful woman when I joined Randy's family. I need to seek the wisdom of Her and my own Grandmother before it is too late. They are a precious jewel that needs to be displayed and admired. Thier wisdom could save me a lot of trials and errors if I would stop to ask and listen. They are truely a gift from God that is often times overlooked.

Feeding the Fat

I sit, every Sunday, and listen and absorb wonderful teaching about God and His Word and how to live a holy life. I ponder it a few days and try to get it into my heart and then I complain that I forgot to tape Survivor and now I don't know who was voted off last week.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

I complain because I do not fit. I don't have a purpose. I use friends and families time and energy to console and pamper me when I am down.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

I sit everyday at a table with a loving husband, healthy kids and full plates of food. Everyday we leave that table with empty plates and full bellies. We thank the Lord for His Goodness to us and leave the table and continue with what we want to do.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

Every week I enjoy a wonderful Bible Study taught by a Godly man who teaches God's truths with a passion. I eat a dinner prepared by awesome cooks who love to make people feel welcome and loved. I enjoy love and fellowship. I feel safe. Who have I invited that needs God's truth? Who needs to feel safe? Who needs to have a meal to fill an empty belly?
I am FEEDING the FAT!

I have so many good teachings, words from the Lord, blessing from friends, love and safety of my family. I am wallowing in goodness. Goodness from God is only good when it is accepted and released. Taken and then given.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

Change, it is coming. It might be uncomfortable, but so necessary.

WHY!?!?

Have you ever noticed how much WHY? sounds like waaaaaa?
Or what the beginning sound of whining (whyning) is?
I had this revelation on my way to work whenI was doing the aforementioned whyning and asking why.
No more WHY!? and waaa and worry. I have to trust God.
My God is a BIG GOD!!

Road Closed

I have concluded that the English words, ROAD CLOSED, when used together on a huge sign in the middle of the road mysteriously changes meaning to a small percentage of my fellow hoosiers.
It some how configures in their brain in the following manner. ROAD CLOSED= speed up as fast as humanly possible, swerve around large sign, continue driving on closed road and try as hard as possible to hit the woman in the middle of the road wearing pink hat.

Attack of the Killer Bees

Most of you have heard my childhood story of getting wasps stuck in my hair and getting repeatedly stung in the back of my head. After that incident I have had a horrible phobia of anything flying around my head. Most of you also know that Randy is a bee keeper so I have had to deal with my phobia head-on the last few years. I really was doing much better. I could even walk out by the bee hives and not break out into a cold sweat. That was until yesterday.
I was out mowing, minding my own business and Wham! the side of my head felt like it was on fire. I started to panic and felt around in my hair. I felt something crawling on my head and the pain just kepy intensifying. I really panicked and was yelling and trying to get whatever it was out of my hair while putting the mower into high gear and racing to the house. By the time I got to the house I had gotten the mystery stinging creature out of my hair and was trying to keep my composure enough to get in the house and get the stinger out of my head. At each pulse of blood went through my head the pain just kept getting worse. I finally had to have Ethan remove the stinger, I just couldn't function because the pain was so bad. He was so sweet and after he made sure I was o.k. He said"Can I finish my game now?" Oh, well I will take what sympathy I can get!
By the time Randy got home I was still hurting and wanting sympathy, but as the evening wore on the pain really got much better. Randy defended his sweet, docile, little honey making machines and said with the pain I was in it had to be a bumble bee or some other flying stinging menace. His kind italian bees would not inflict that kind of pain.
This morning I woke up with a horrible pain at the base of my neck. Right at my hairline at the back of my neck is swollen and it hurts to move my head. I was just thinking of the chances of getting stung in my head twice. And then the opportunity for God to teach me arose. In the worst of circumstances are the best lessons. When we are hurting the most is when we can recieve the best, if we are willing.
I was lulled into a false sense of sucurity in thinking I had overcome my fear. When I overcome a fear or get victory over an area in my life where I sin I cannot let my guard down. I can't get cocky amd think I have overcome this sin with the blood of Jesus and now I cannot be defeated by this again. I was starting to overcome this huge fear in my life and then WHAM! My fear was back full force whenI least expected it. Now I have a choice to make, I can go right back into being scared or I can say this is life, things happen and I won't fall into that pit again. I won't let fear rule over me.

Help Wanted

Job Title : Servant

No experience needed. Previous church title, job, or position not necessary.
On the job training provided.
Only Prerequisite: A humble heart and willingness to listen and obey God in all things.

The most effective people for the job are willing to be anonymous, work hard and expect recognition from no one.
Earthly wage: empty wallet, sore feet, heavy heart and fatigue.

Heavenly wage: Eternity with Jesus

Matthew 20:26-28 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."





Most of my heroes are servants. My family, friends and church are full of my heroes. There are qualities in servants that should make them everyone's heroes.

Happy Birthday Ethan!

Ethan will be 8 on Saturday.
Isn't he the orneriest, cutest kid ever?
Ethan is a tough nut to crack. He is a lot like me, so in some ways I feel horrible for the things I have passed on to him. He is painfully shy. It takes him forever to warm up to someone, but watch out when he does. He is such a clown sometimes I think he is 2 different kids. He loves to joke and tease and just have a good laugh. He has a temper and is so stubborn it drives me crazy. I tell him so many times to use his powers for good and not evil. Randy & I have said since Ethan was just a small baby that his stubbornness will be used for God. Once he gets it in his head he will do something, you had better watch out because nothing will stop him. He is also our little cuddle bug. Not so much now that he is a little older, but he will still give me lots of hugs and kisses throughout the day. He is afraid to try new things , but can excel at most if he would just give it a shot. He loves soccer and refuses to play any other sport. ( we think he is pretty awesome at it,too) As long as no one is watching he will praise God and dance with a passion, but as soon as someone notices him he will stop and almost cry out of embarrassment.
He is such a blessing to our family and we don't know what we would do without our litttle "Sugar Bear' ( I'm not supposed to call him that anymore, but I'm the Mom, I've earned the right!) oh and he has the best fashion sense. For a kid that doesn't want to be noticed he sure knows how to attract attention with his striped shirts, camo shorts and boots!

Hillbilly?

This should, without a doubt, confirm that Randy & I are 100%, all-American, hillbillies!
The picture speaks for itself, but if you are unsure, yes that is a walnut tree growing through the back bumper of our truck.
We laughed so hard when we saw this. Sometimes it is difficult making a go of it out here on our little piece of heaven, but for the most part we have so much fun!

Poor,Poor Zoe

Poor Zoe

Zoe got into a skunk Sunday night. If you were at church I am sure you smelled the pleasing aroma wafting over from our woods. She already had an appt. Monday morning to be groomed, but she still reeked so bad all her hair was removed. Poor baby doesn't know what to do. She won't lay on the floor anymore. She has to be on a rug or her blankie. It is probably too cold. She has this depressed look all the time. Maybe we have a vain dog and she will be depressed until her gorgeous locks grow back in.

Just for Laughs

In the Indy Star today there was an article titled" 'Pretty' couple likelier to have girl."
In a nutshell some brainiac has done a study on the physical attractiveness of a couple and the more attractive they are, the more likely they are to have a girl. It is evolution that the more attractive the woman is she will pass all her "beauty" genes on to a girl so she can snag a good man. Parents with traits more beneficial to the boys like large size, strenght and aggression are more likely to have boys.
Now while I was reading this I was thinking of celebrities (they had a picture of one couple with the article.) When I got done I realized wait a minute I have 2 boys. What are they saying? Are they saying I am ugly? Some people have way too much time on their hands. So are people who have some boys and some girls just kind of ugly?
Have a good laugh about this one ~

The boots are in the closet

My working boots are officially in the closet as of today. They might only be there for a short while. We will have to see how things go. I've got lots of things to tell and wonderful insights to share. Right now I am glad to return to full-time stay-at-home Mom. Construction work is HARD, HARD work ! My bedtime has been 8:30 every night and I know my family would like to see more of me when I am not half asleep at the dinner table. I am proud of my guys, they all pitched in and helped make things work around the house. Not to say I don't have A LOT of cleaning to do today. I'm off to scrub the dirt out of my house!

The Little Red Wagon

It was the summer of 1980. I was about 5 and my brother was 7 years old. One beautiful Saturday morning, our Mom had the audacity to ask us to clean our rooms. Oh, the horrors! Miss all our cartoons to clean up our mess. We lived for Saturday morning and Bugs & Daffy, Woody Woodpecker, the Jetsons. It was like the best part of our week, sitting in our pj's with milk from our cereal dripping from our chins while our eyes were glued to the tv for a few hours. We were done with tv when This Old House or the news came on. Life would then resume as normal and we would play or do whatever mischievious thing would come to mind. This particular Saturday morning our Mom put a kink in our plans. Clean our rooms! What nerve! We refused and she said do it anyway! After much deliberating and pouting about the unfairness of the world we hatched a fool-proof plan. We would run away. That way not only would we not have to clean our room we could have an adventure. If we got stopped halfway to nowhere, our parents would be so glad to have us safe at home that we would probably never have to clean our rooms again, maybe never do chores for the rest of our lives. We would live like Kings!
So we put our plan into action, we dug around in our mess of toys to find our favorites that would go on the journey with us. To an adult it might have resembled cleaning our rooms, but oh no we were packing for our trip. In the time it took us to pack, we probably could have cleaned our rooms and been zombies watching our cartoons, but we had a point to make. We had rights!
We drug our packs through the kitchen and told our Mom farewell. We went outside and got our trusty red wagon.We packed all our worldly possessions or at least the ones we could carry and set of to find a new home and a land of adventure. We pulled and tugged our wagon to the driveway. The excitement was bubbling up in our hearts. What would we see? Who would we meet? What would we eat for lunch? These questions rolled around in our heads. Our little wagon was getting a little heavy and we started to argue with each other about how much of each others treasures should have been left at home. All of our arguements stopped when we came to an abrupt halt. Something had come between us and our journey to see the wonders of the world. We came to the end of our driveway. The road came between us and the wilderness of the world. We sat and pondered our dilemma. We weren't allowed to cross the road. HHMMMM, why didn't we think of that? Who knows how long we sat there until one of us decided we must return to our house and face the music with dignity. We marched back to the house and our Mom just smiled and pointed to our rooms. Now we not only had to clean our rooms, but we had to lug all our"treasures" from the wagon to our rooms. That really stunk and by the time we quit feeling sorry for ourselves and actually cleaned our room it was almost bedtime. What! The whole day wasted, for what? A clean room! Who could of told us it was wasted by attitude and not by the chore.


I was reminded by God of this childhood memory while looking at my own boys disaster area they call a bedroom. God gave me this little thought to ponder on.
How many times does He ask me to do a simple task and I say"no" and have a pity party. I complain about the inequality of life and how unfair things are. I pack my little red wagon and set off to face the world on my own. "Oh He will be sorry for asking more of me than I can handle" Then I get to the road and realize, I can't cross it and if I could where on Earth would I go? He is everywhere. So I deflate my prideful ego and hang my head as I return home and now have all the extra work of unpacking my little red wagon added to my original request from God. Seems pretty silly when I think of it like that!

a Different Perspective

Randy & I recently stumbled upon a song we both really enjoyed. The words were beautiful and powerful. I found the cd and bought it. The entire cd was good, although it was a bit dark & melancholy. After listening to the entire cd and enjoying it, I read the list of people the artist wanted to thank for helping make the music possible. There I found out his wife had committed suicide years before and this was his way of expressing his grief, anger, anguish and probably a million other emotions. That piece of info put it all in a different perspective. The words had a more painful meaning. I can't listen to it now with the same nonchalant attitude. In fact I really don't want to listen to it all because I can't think beyond the pain that caused it to be written.

John Travolta: Grease, Welcome Back Kotter and many other great movies. I used to love watching him and I thought he was pretty cute, too. (that always helps;)
After watching Pulp Fiction though I don't even want to watch any movie with him in it. I just couldn't get past the themes and violence that it contained. But now I have a thought and strong emotion directly tied to John Travolta and it has ruined enjoying any of his work. It is all a matter of a different perspective.
Would I rather be ignorant of Pulp Fiction so I can just enjoy all the other movies?
Would I rather not know the story behind the song so I could just enjoy a good song?
Take this train of thought as far as you want........
I might ponder it some more.

Blogging Break

I have been contemplating taking a break for awhile. For many reasons I need a break.
Blogging has been good for me to get know people better and realize there are people I do not know well and I want to invest some time to get to know them and their family better.

Blogging has been a way for me to express things and share important things going on in my life.
Blogging has been a way to share a laugh and enjoy everyone's crazy experiences in life.

Blogging helped me to realize I still loved writing and it was a great release for me. "The Black Heart" may end up as a book yet.

Blogging was a way for me to get positive feed back and kind of boost a low self-esteem.

For those reasons and more I am sure I will return to blogging at some point.
I have enjoyed reading blogs and being able to share in your lives and the things that are important to you.
I plan to continue that, but in person. I want to continue to develop real friendships and enjoy the ones that God has already given me.
Really i have nothing exciting to say and when I work in the summer it is all I can do to be wife & Mom and keep my sanity.
hopefully when I return I will have something worth saying......... maybe a week, maybe a month who knows, it is a crazy world out there.
( Crazy stuff happens on the construction site, i might have more to say than what I think)

A Whole Bunch of Nothing

* This for you Miriam, since you miss me so much:)


What has been going on in the Kemerly house the last few months:

Soccer is over ( officially on Sat.) Randy will miss it. He enjoys it so much. He is such a good Daddy! The boys will miss it too.

We met some wonderful people through soccer.

God has re-inforced our desire to foster/adopt by bringing the most amazing people into our lives. (That is a whole story in itself. ) I just don't know how it will all fall into place.

Randy & my brother and Matt (Thanks Matt, you don't know how much we all appreciated your help!) put a new roof on my parents house.

We have more big decisions to make in life. It just never seems to quit. There is always some sort of conflict. I keep asking God to tell me what I need to learn because I am tired of going around these mountains!

The boys and I are reading our way through the Chronicles of Narnia. They love it and it is sparking the most interesting conversations. I am amazed at the things they want to know about God and what they already grasp.

randy & I celebrated our 11th anniversary. I can say we are more in love now than when we first married. We truely are best friends and I can't imagine my life without him.

I am soon to go back to work for the summer. I am looking forward to it. Especially after I convinced my Dad & Brother I was NOT kidding about never flagging traffic again!

We are done with year 2 of homeschooling. We are going to try it again next year.too. It was a challenge to home school and foster at the same time, but one of the wonderful people we met through soccer also homeschools and fosters. They helped me to see that I wasn't a total failure at it. I was just human. I couldn't do it all.

So in a nutshell that's what we have been up to. Nothing profound just trying to find our way and be obedient to God. Not always an easy thing to do.

Rescue Mission

Last Friday the boys and I were at my parents house, helping my Dad. Elijah found a litter of kittens that had been abandoned. Two were already dead and so we were going to try and save the remaining two. We tried everything to prevent bottle feeding these kittens. Nothing worked so my Mom was going to have to go to Petsmart and get a bottle and formula. She did not want to mess with these kittens, but she didn't want to just let them die. Elijah started begging me to take them home with us." Please Mom, I'll do all the work" he said. (Yeay right I was not born yesterday) Since I knew my Mom was not feeling like messing with these kittens and Elijah really wanted to try nursing them back to health, we made a deal. we would get them on solid food and if we couldn't find a home then my parents would take them back.
*****A sidenote: I think we have a home for one, if anyone would like a kitten just ask we will GLADLY give it to you. (We might even put a bow on it. Mother's Day is coming up;)

We brought the kittens home and Mom brought over formula and a bottle and we are good to go. Randy said it would be good for the kids to see that it is hard work taking care of little ones. Maybe they would appreciate what they have more. Elijah does about 50% of the work and I do about 50% of the work. Better than what I thought would happen. Elijah is excited because it is his first rescue mission. He told me he didn't think it would be so hard. he said.' This is a lot more work than I thought." He also doesn't want to give them away. I told him to look at it like he is their foster parent and he will get them healthy and send them to a good home. he liked the idea of that and now he is o.k. with it. It is a good experience for him, but I can't wait until those kittens are gone!

More about me!

I asked Jesus into my heart for the first time when I was 13. It was at a Carmen concert. Even though I backslide after that it is one of the most important times in my life. I remember it like it was yesterday.


My favorite dog is a beagle.

I am a tightwad. I really don't enjoy spending money.

I really don't enjoy shopping. unless it is clearance. I will spend time in a clearance aisle,though! grocery shopping is probably the most fun for me.

Country music is my favorite, but not the recent country. I like the old country up to the early ninties.

I love to make lists. I joke that I make lists of my lists.

I still have a pair of purple argyle socks I got in the sixth grade for Christmas. I still wear them, too.

I don't like wearing jewerly or make-up very much.

I am a klutz. I broke my foot falling off a sidewalk. I didn't even fall down, I just snapped the bone in my foot. I also break a lot of things. That's why God gave me my own personal McGyver as my husband:)

My favorite job was a chiropractic assistant.

The best job I will ever have is being a Mom. I love every part of being a Mom.

I had a crush on Patrick Swayze as a kid, "Dirty Dancing " was my favorite movie.
My other crush was Stephen Scheffler, he was #55 on Purdue's basketball team, back in the day.

I played the trumpet in school.

My best friend growing up was German Baptist. Going to her church was an experience I will never forget.

I am terrified of bees, flies, bugs, anything that flies around my head. As a kid I got hornets or wasps(I don't know which) caught in my hair and they stung me repeatedly in the back of my head. My Dad had to squish them with his hands to kill them.

Fun Facts

Lisa,you have started a trend and I am joining the band wagon.
Here are a few tid bits about me.


1. My favorite comics are Baby Blues and Calvin & Hobbes.

2. I love the smell of clothes that are hung on the line. I also enjoy hanging them out on the line.

3. My least favorite part of housekeeping is dishes.

4. My first job was running the candy store located inside Sears at Castleton Square Mall. It was by the escalator and no longer exists.

5. Randy & I met in Lawn & Garden at Wal-mart ( we were both working there)

6. He proposed to me in front of our entire church.

7. I went to Purdue and then IUPUI for 1 1/2 years to be a social worker.

8. I love chapstick!!!!!

9. I don't do well with change. Doesn't matter what it is, even small stuff.

10. My favorite vacation spot is Skagway, Alaska. It is peaceful, quiet and so beautiful.

11.I am a homebody, I am very content to just be at home with my family.

12. I love board games and card games. My whole family growing up played cards every time we got together.

13. My first car was a 1978 Olds Cutlass Supreme. My Dad bought me a chevy S10 about a year later, He said it didn't have as much "get up and go" if you catch my drift;)

14. I LOVE chocolate. When it comes to chocolate I have no self control. I will eat it until I am sick.

15. I am a tidy pack rat. I keep everything, but it must be in a tote labeled and dated for quick reference. Both the boys have about 2 totes of stuff I have saved for them. I have every bill I have paid since Randy & I have been married.

16. Sleeping in hotels creep me out. I take my own pillow and blankets. You just never know how clean they are.

17. I love to camp as long as I can take a shower. This drives Randy absolutely NUTS! It limits our camping choices alot!

18. I like buying stationary and writing letters.

19. Reality TV is a guilty plesure of mine. Survivor, Super Nanny, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Airline, I love it!

20. I love to go barefoot- I really don't enjoy wearing shoes of any kind very much.

21.I love most foods with vinegar in them. Malted vinegar on fish, pickles, cucumbers and onions in vinegar, vinegar & salt chips. The best is pickled bologna. MMmmmm Good!

22. My LEAST favorite movie of all time is "Wizard of OZ". I was in high school before I could watch it all the way through. I would hide under my parents bed every year when my brother watched it. Those flying monkeys give me the creeps.

So there are a few tidbits, after reading them I thought " Boy I am kind of neurotic and yet very boring at the same time."

A Survivor Question

If you went on the show Survivor, what is the one thing you would take with you?








My Answer: Chapstick!!!!!!!!!

Our "Pet" Squirrel

We have a squirrel that has adopted us. He lives in the trees close to our house and we can watch him foraging for nuts and scampering up to his home safe in the treetops.
He was part of our menagerie of animals until a few weeks ago. Now he is on the most wanted list.
It was a rainy day a few weeks ago and the boys were doing their schoolwork. All of a sudden we heard a knock-knock sound on the side of the house. We all ran out and saw our little "pet". We thought "how cute he is banging his food against the side of the house to eat it."
We heard the same knock-knock a few days later in the same spot. Elijah was watching him out of the front door and spooked him. So little "pet" ran around to the side of the house. I heard him a few minutes later by a different window so I pulled the screen out and poked my head out of the window to see him in action. Oh, boy did I ever see him in action. He wasn't trying to crack his winter supply of nuts open to eat. He was eating the side of my house. There were little nibble marks all down the side of the house. He wasn't the cute squirrel anymore, he was dead meat. I told Randy about it and he got his gun out and the next time we heard him He fired a warning shot to scare him. After all he was sort of a pet. We didn't want to kill him, yet.
We thought the gun scared him off and our house was saved. No, this is one determined squirrel. He was back at it again bright and early this morning. I let Zoe out and she chased him down, Mr.Squirrel got a sudden burst of energy at the last second and avoided death by Zoe. So he is down to no more chances. Mr. Squirrel is dead the next time I catch him making the siding on my house his main course!

Happy Birthday Elijah Aaron!

Today my sweet baby is 10. He was born on Easter sunday 10 years ago, seems like yesterday. I am so proud of him and the young man he is growing up to be. He is such a compassionate, tender-hearted kid. (except when it comes to his brother, they seem to enjoy beating each other up daily.)
A little tid bit about Elijah on his birthday:
He has planned on rescuing endangered animals since he was about 4. He wants to be a vet and travel around the world,to heal sick and injured animals. He and Ethan want to build zoos for the animals and put a church in it so they can tell the people about God and animals at the same time. Every year they get older the plan gets more elaborate.
He is a great kid and I am so proud to be his Mom.

Happy Birthday Elijah!

The Black heart~ an explanation

This will in a small way explain the previous post of "The Black Heart"

A few months ago while I was sitting in worship at church I saw a heart beating and functioning in a body, then I saw sin enter as hurt, fear, rejection, and as each thing happened the heart was damaged. As it was damaged it began to die and was no longer useful to the body.
I sometimes see things as words and as I saw this picture, God gave me phrases and words to describe what I was seeing. I just put it on the desk and left it for awhile.
today I was thinkiing of it and wanted to piece it together, so it is a combination of my testimony and something God spoke to me months ago. Maybe He was just showing me what had become of my heart, i don't know. I hope this makes sense and for me it was a big wake-up of how a small thing can do damage to my heart and if not fixed it will grow and grow until eventually it will kill me.

The Black Heart

The anger raged and swelled inside my chest. Trying to control the tumult, fear frustration and every other negative emotion was taking its toll. I was no longer able to contain the intensity of emotions that rose within my mind, body and soul. My black heart was taking control.
It didn’t have to be this way. In fact it wasn’t always this way. My heart was once clean and fresh, new as the day my Maker formed me.
The first nasty bruise on my heart came as early as grade school, mostly out of my own inhibitions, the constraints I put on my own life. That dark bruise came at the first pangs of rejection and it was never given the love and compassion to heal before the barrage of angry red tears and rips began to appear. The bruising increased with intensity as the self-inflicted, self-loathing, hate and self pity increased with alarming regularity. Infection caused irreparable harm as the fear and pain festered in the heart. The rejection by my peers, not feeling like my thoughts, my life mattered to this angry world. All those angry, vicious emotions were given safe harbor in my tortured heart. I repeated daily the insults that were slung at me at school. They rolled around and around inside of my head torturing my dreams.
All those words, actions and thoughts against the heart turned it into a darkened, dead organ, dark and brittle as charcoal. It was dead, no longer a viable use to the body. Rejected by body, spirit, and soul, but fearing the void would not be filled I clung to it like a life-line, unable to give it up. Every scar, cut, bruise, every ounce of pain represented my past, my life, who I was to this point. To give up my blackened heart was to give up myself. I would disappear and not matter, my life would be for nothing. My last link to a so-called life, what I called living.
I did not know how close my rescue was. I was not aware that with one cry to the Father, the one who formed me with His loving hands, He was the one to replace my fragile, bitter, battered and bruised heart. He, with all surgical precision, practice and skill could transform my hate, rage and pain into pure perfection. With no mistakes, no faults, I could have a pure, beating heart with life breathed straight from the mouth of the Creator. Who could describe the sweetness of that moment, the fresh, pure beating of a new heart? Restored to pump life in a pure untainted sense, my black, brittle heart was reborn and renewed with one cry, one pleading, sobbing cry. I was reborn, new and fresh, loved with an intensity I had never known.
Now it was my job to protect my heart at the first signs of bruising or pain. I need to run to my Father and have Him cleanse me again and again. I don’t want to return to harboring a dead and scarred useless heart. I never again want to grow accustomed to harboring the rage that always lurked beneath the surface. I never again want to forget the sweetness and purity of my new heart.

Lesson 3 ~ My boys are growing up!

My boys are growing up. I still think of them as my little boys and having a 1 year old and three year old in the house made me realize how grown-up my boys are becoming.
I am not saying I am going to make them get a job and pay their own way now, but I needed a wake-up call that they need more responsibility and some room to grow. I take my job as a parent seriously (sometimes too much) and I can be downright mean if anyone messes with my kids. That's just the way I am. God is helping me to realize they are growing up and I will have to let go. They are becoming young men and they need to make some mistakes and deal with the consequences. Ethan is my onery one. I am going to have to crack down on that boy because all he has to do is give me his impish little grin and get me to laughing and he knows his punishment will be forgotten.
For the last ten years I have poured all of my energy into being a Mom. I realized that I need to start letting them go and have adventures and experiences on their own. They need a little more freedom to figure out who they want to be and not just be who I think they should be. I want to prepare them for the world and I want them to always know that they have a place to come and their parents will always support them and love them, but at the same time I don't want to make it too comfortable and have them both living here when they are 30.

Jesus in the Bathtub ?!?!

This is one of the experiences I had with our oldest foster child who was 3 years old.

Randy and I have made a habit of reading to Elijah and Ethan and praying for them and over them every night as we tuck them into bed. We have done this since Elijah was a baby.
When we got our "new" boys we knew this would be a great opportunity to tell them about Jesus and just pray blessings over their lives.
Neither one of the boys wanted to be put to bed, they were scared and confused, so Randy put a cd player in their room and put in a worship cd. After about the 3rd night the didn't even fuss at going to bed. The oldest wanted his songs on and he went to bed fine.
I would pray with them both and read a Bible story to them every night. It became our bedtime ritual and it helped calm them and they were no longer fearful of being alone or going to sleep.
The last night we had them the oldest asked me if Jesus was going to sleep on his floor again. It kind of gave me goosebumps because when a child talks about spiritual things I listen. I think they are more in tune to the spritual than adults and I tend to believe what they tell me. So I thought " How cool is that! Jesus sleeping in my house!"
So anyway I'm sure you are curious about Jesus in the bathtub!
The last day we had them I was in the bathroom with the oldest ( we were potty training so I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, cheering or sometimes bribing him to" please go potty!")
He was sitting on his little potty seat and looked at the bathtub. We had the kids dinosaurs lined up around the edge of the bathtub. He pointed and said "hey, there's the man over there with the dinosaurs." I looked and thought maybe there was some toy he was looking at. There wasn't. So I asked him about the man. My first thought was there was a demon in my bathtub and I just didn't want to have to deal with that. So I asked him "Is it a good man or bad man?"
He really didn't give me an answer. So I said" If you want the man to go away, just say 'In Jesus name get out of here'".
So he says " Jesus you get out of here!"
"No, No, we want Jesus to stay, if it is a bad man tell him to go." I say.
So he looks at me with his cute little smile and keeps looking at the bathtub and he finally repeats " Jesus name get out of here."
So I am not really sure what it was, but if Jesus was sleeping on the floor with him I believe he was in the bathtub looking over Him. Maybe He was cheering on the potty accomplishments, too!

Lesson Two~ A good mind set is esstential

I realized the mind set I had going into the whole foster system would probably make me or break me. The sytem has problems, if I focused on the problems I was always going to be in constant turmoil. I decided that God Is in control. I say that, but there are times when I just didn't believe it. Randy and I have been through court cases and when the judge would make a decision that "seemed" as though it was against us I would instantly think God hated us- He must or this decision would have been different.
After going through the trials over our farm, I really know that God does work all things for good and when it seems the most desparate and hopeless, He shines like the brightest star and gives new hope and a new way out!
I never would have thought that all those court dates and being miserable for a time, building this house would prepare us so perfectly for fostering.
When we got our "new" boys, I knew we would only have them a short time (I just didn't know it was going to be 3 weeks short).
My plan was to send them home better than they came. So we just jumped in as a family and started tackling things one day at a time. It amazes me how much we accomplished in 3 short weeks. God is so good!
When we got the call for them to go back to their family I will admit I was mad and I knew this wasn't the best. I had so many other things I wanted to teach them and have them accomplish.
This is where going through things and not getting the answer I wanted helped so much. After my initial mad wore off I thought about it. God is in control and He does know what is best, so I am going to make this positive. I am now going to trust Him to care for these 2 boys and know I did the best I could in the time God gave me to care for them.
I walked away in peace instead of fear and worry.
God helped us to go into the situation with our minds set on Him and what He wanted us to do.

Lesson One~ Sleep is Essential

I can cook dinner while feeding a baby, discipline a 3 year old, administer a spelling test all while loading the dishwasher and correcting a math test, but ask me to do that on 2 hours of sleep and you get a crazy woman who cries all day and can't form a coherent sentence.
I learned that I can live without a shower for a day, chocolate, eating, having a moment of complete silence, but I CAN NOT function without sleep.
So I guess next time I will try to not be super woman. I was trying to keep my house as clean as I did before we added more kids and keep the boys on their same school schedule. That was insanity and I should have just taken a nap every once and awhile. Shouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to figure that one out!

Up-Date

Just wanted to give everyone a quick up-date on yesterday. We had an informational meeting with the family and their caseworker when we gave them the boys.
God was in that room. I felt His presence and peace. Everything went so well and I want to believe that this family WILL make it.
The most awesome thing is when the family thanks you for what you have done for their kids. They thanked us so many times for the work we had done with them and the accomplishments the boys had achieved. The Dad even shook our hands and said we can see the boys anytime we want. I just don't know how often that happens.
Randy told them how much the oldest loved church and the parents said he was afraid of a lot of people and wasn't used to be around anyone, but their family. We kind of laughed and told them how friendly he was and was introducing himself to everyone and wanted to always sit with"the Girls". He is already a ladies man!
Randy and I walked away sad, but hopeful and filled with peace. Originally I couldn't believe it and thought it was a horrible idea that they were going with Grandma. Now I am filled with peace and am comforted after our meeting that these boys are loved and will be taken care of.
Not to sayI don't miss them. All night I was praying " Oh, I hope they go to bed well and don't cry all night."
More to come on our Lessons Learned~

3 short or long weeks

Our first try at fostering will come to an end this afternoon.
We are sad. It didn't take long for us to let these kids into our hearts.
Elijah was an awesome big brother, almost too much. After one week the baby was so spoiled he didn't want to walk anymore. Ethan shows his emotions differently and he did have a hard time adjusting to sharing me with 2 boys who required more of my attention. Both of my boys asked me " So when are we getting more kids? Are we going to adopt the next ones?"
Randy and I have some decisions to make before the next phone call to foster comes and we want to do what God wants and not what our flesh wants.
So I will write more about our first experience and how it has changed us and what we have learned, but for now I need to get prepared for this afternoon when I have to give back 2 boys I would claim as my own and keep forever(if I could).
Any prayers would be appreciated so much. Thanks to all of you who also got attatched to these precious boys and I hope you will continue to pray for them that God will always have His Hand on them and in the end their whole family will be saved. Isn't that what God really wants? Healthy families who serve and love Him. This is my prayer for this family.

Sleep- It is a beautiful thing!

I just wanted to give an up-date to you all.
I am in a better frame of mind. Thank-you for all the prayers and pep-talks and love. We couldn't have made it through without it.
We survived the funeral. it wasn't as bad as I thought, You might still pray for my Dad if you think of it. He holds all his emotions in so you never really know how he is.

As far as fostering goes- we are finally getting some sleep-so I feel a little more coherent now.
I love to get a good nights rest almost as much as I love chocolate so for the last week I was really a mess. randy was able to stay home 3 days for the funeral. He is such an amazing husband, I hated to see him go back to work today.
God is good though. I am not giving up. We will work through this and I know we will get settled sooner or later.

I need prayer.

I just wanted to ask any of you that read this to pray for me and my family. I found out yesterday that my Dad's Mom died late Saturday night. My Dad's family has had a lot of family issues and it has only gotten worse over the years. I hadn't seen my Mamaw since last Christmas. My dad has been hurt by his family and I am worried about him. The funeral is Wednesday and if it wasn't for my dad I wouldn't even go.
Randy just called me this morning and one of his friends from work went home sick on friday, Randy went to work this morning and found out he had died over the weekend. Randy said " I really was talking to him about God and I thought he was recieving it. I hope it was enough." Randy is pretty upset.
I don't think this would get to me so much, but I am going on practically no sleep. i don't know if I am cut out for fostering. It is funny we have talked about this since before we were marrried. we even built a stinking house for it and now I don't think I can do it. It is all so overwhelming. i worry about my boys and what impact it will have on them. It just don't know if i can handle all of it.
I know God is a big God and He will show me the right way. I just thought it was the way all along and now I feel like on the outside I am strong and meeting everyone's needs and on the inside i am falling apart and don't know how to fix it.
If you think of us just pray- This is going to be a rough week without God's help.

Soccer time!

It is that time of year again.
We are busy, busy with soccer, but it is something we enjoy as a family.
Randy is going to coach both of the boys teams again this year.
It will also be mohawk time again, soon.
I think some of the other players are intimidated by the boys mohawks. They see this crazy boy with wild hair charging down the field at them and they move out of the way. I think it is our secret weapon!

Zoe-update

Traci- Thanks for the advice on tomato paste. i had heard of it, but never knew of anyone who used it and knew for sure it worked.
Unfortunately we had no tomato juice or paste.
So Elijah helped me scrub her with my lavender body wash.
I think it toned the smell down a little. You didn't gag when she walked near you last night.
So that is the latest on the adventureous life of Miss Zoe- Oh- No-E.

Our Zoe

This is Zoe last spring.

This is Zoe when we got her last Christmas.

She is a spoiled farm dog. She gets to run around and dig things up and be a mischievious dog during the day and at night she must endure getting cleaned up from her day of fun and gets loved on and spoiled and then sleeps on her blankie next to our bed. She is spoiled. Last night I brought her in and started to clean her up. Randy asked what that horrible smell was. It was Zoe. She had gotten into a skunk and she smelled so bad it almost burnt your nose. I guess my sense of smell was so bad from standing next to her for so long that I couldn't smell it at first. I don't think she got sprayed directly or I'm sure it would have been unbearable. She wasn't the princess of the house last night for sure. I think it was actually wearing off today- so I know it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I kept telling myself it could have been worse and I'm thankful it took her this long to discover the wonderful aroma of skunk!

The Children's Museum- NOT!

The boys and I made plans to go on a field trip today. We thought we would go to the Children's Museum and invited my Mom.
We get everything planned and I checked on-line this morning to see what road I exit from I-70.
Guess what? The Children's Museum is closed on Mondays in the winter. Ah, That stinks! So I call my Mom. She suggested the Children's Museum in Muncie- Great idea! Not! They, too, are closed on Monday. Wilbur Wright Museum- no go.
So I asked the boys "What do you want to do?"
"Play a board game, go out to eat and see a movie."
O.k. we can handle that.
I check movie times and we decided on Hoodwinked. We are all set, good to go.
I double check movie times and It has changed- they had left the Saturday times up and the next showing wasn't until 5:30. Ok, by now I am just a little bit irritated, mostly with myself, but irritated no less.
So I check movies 8 and they have Chicken Little playing- everyone is o.k. with that so we head out.
The movie only cost us $.50 a person and we all loved it.
The boys both had fun and my Mom and I just enjoyed getting to spend the day together.
Our day didn't turn out as we planned, but we i think the end result was the same. we got to spend time together and enjoy each others company.
So next time we plan something it will NOT be on Monday- Maybe the weekend was just too rough and no one could cope come Monday morning!
( BTW- the picture is of us at the St. Louis Arch. That is if anyone noticed and was wondering where that was at the Children's Museum!)

Today I had a visitor.
I NEVER have visitors.
A car pulled up and the dog started barking. I kept looking because The woman looked familiar, but I just couldn't place her.
And then it dawned on me. Erika! randy's younger sister.
This was a miracle. We hadn't seen her in over 3 years, we had no idea even where she was living.
She had messed her life up and completely rid herself of the family.
She told me she woke up today and wanted to show me her kids. She has 3 beautiful kids, we had never seen the youngest 2.
She said she was just compelled to see her family so she visited with me and then went to see her Grandma.
She said she would come back later when she can visit longer and so Randy can see the kids.
I was excited, but reserved because she has played on my sympathies before. i will just have to leave it to God.
And then I realized: It was Erika that I put on the little white card at church!

My Boys

I am really proud of my boys. I have my days when I want to wring their necks, but for the most part they are pretty good kids. Lately I have been second guessing my parenting skills. Randy says if I don't have something to worry about, I will worry about not worrying- so I guess this was my worry of the week. I just want them to grow to be Godly young men and be able to make a difference in this world. Sunday I was blessed and was told what great kids they were by a few people. They won't know how I appreciated that. Eli & Ethan received $1 a piece for saying a Bible verse correctly after Sunday night service. After we got home Ethan came up to me and handed me his dollar, I looked at him and asked him what it was for. He said" you are a great cooker and make me awesome food and I want you to have my dollar". That melted my heart. Then Elijah came in the room and said "I want to buy Dad a tool with my dollar. He works really hard for us to have stuff." I just wanted to cry.
I know that they are onery, little punks sometimes, but for the most part they are awesome boys with hearts of gold!

Do you ever need a reminder?

Today is a reminder day.
I needed to look back at where we came from to remember where we are going.This has been a long road, a road that seems never ending.
We started our house on 9-1-01 with $900 in our pockets. I don't think one aspect turned out the way we planned.
We are still trusting because, once again we are in a position of needing more money to finish.
I hope though that this can be a source of encouragement for someone because God always met our needs, He always gave us what we needed, when we needed. looking at these pictures I remember the emotions I had. I probably had a hateful, depressed look on my face for about 2 years straight!Looking everyday at the big muddy hole that was supposed to be my house. There were days I just couldn't believe it would ever happen. Our house was in the" muddy hole" stage for over a year. A few people asked if we were just going to make a big fishing pond. I can laugh about it now, but then I probably wanted to punch them. It took us about 6 months to get from the concrete slab stage to framing it in. Talk about a faith tester!" Will we ever get this done?" came out of my mouth more than once. We got so much rain after it was framed in we actually took a shop vac to suck the water off the second floor. I poured gallon after gallon of water over the side of the house praying God would protect the floor and it wouldn't be ruined.
Every time I felt like giving up something miraculous happened and God made it o.k. Sometimes all it took was God giving me the strength to keep at it for just one more day. Today is the 2 year anniversary of when we moved in. The difference in our house in 2 years is amazing. We had no flooring other than the concrete slab, no kitchen cabinets ( I washed the dishes in the bathroom sink) The upstairs had drywall up and that was it. Everyday and every night we worked on this house. Finally we are beginning to see the finish line(as far as the building of the house is concerned)
So all this is a reminder of where we were and were we are going. Last week I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, this week is starting out the same. We are still waiting for money to finish the upstairs, but in the meantime we will go ahead and have our homestudy on Thursday. We have room for 2 kids downstairs. I guess that will do for now. Then I had a new thing to worry about. We don't have a car big enough for more than 2 more kids anyway. Maybe it's not that I should worry, but rest in the fact that God provides everything when and exactly how it is needed!
We have gotten more done to the house since these pictures where taken (yes, we do have a kitchen sink!) My Dad always tells me "Rome wasn't built in a day!" So when I get discouraged and feel I am not getting any closer to where God wants me I try to remember what things were like just a few years ago. The adventure was never easy, but God always kept us on the right path, He protected us, encouraged us and I think we are better people for traveling through it.

Tootsie Rolls in the Dryer

Why would tootsie rolls be in my dryer? Good question with a simple answer. I have 2 boys. Enough said.
I was folding clothes yesterday and kept smelling chocolate. I looked and stuck inside my dryer was pieces of melted tootsie roll.
I have found the most amazing and odd things in my washer and dryer. Randy asked why I don't check pockets better. Bad question to ask while I am trying to scrub tootsie roll out of my dryer.

2005 in Review

I decided to look back at 2005 and make a list of all the things that were accomplished that brought Randy and I closer to our goal.
Our goal being buy the farm, build a house big enough we can adopt a lot of kids, develop friendships that are not superficial and be a support and source of encouragement to our friends to follow their dreams. I know God has more than that, but that is all I know of for sure from Him for now
So by looking at 2005 in those terms it was a fantastic success!
*We were able to get to know a few people better. We listened to their dreams and were so encouraged to hear what other people wanted to do for God. And we have had soooo much fun having people over and just spending time with wonderful people.
**We saw God restore a marriage and use that couple to minister to others with broken hearts and marriages. AWESOME!
***Randy coached the boys soccer teams and we met so many wonderful people. Randy had a blast doing it, also! ( That really isn't part of our long term goals. Just wanted to brag again about my hubby and what a great father he is!)
****Randy and I have almost completed all of our classes and paperwork to be foster parents and to adopt. This is a huge one!
*****After MANY trials, we were finally able to buy the remainder of the farm. That was such a huge relief. I can't say enough how much stress that relieved out of my life.
******We were able to help another family out. Spiritually, financially and keep them from being homeless. I get excited when thinking about this one because isn't this what it is all about. We have something, someone else needs it and so we give it up for them. To think God used us in this way is a tremendous thing.
This was just a quick recap of 2005. I keep all of my calendars so I can go back and see what we did and where we were at differents times in our life. Looking back through this calendar excited me and I am looking forward to another successful year in God.
It is easy to forget the bad things when you see how many good things happened.
I managed to stay out of the hospital this year too. Now that is something to shout about!
Here is to an Awesome 2006. God's gonna do even more this year, cause my faith is getting so much bigger. I am expecting bigger and better things.

New Zoo Revue

Does anyone remember The New Zoo Revue?
Henrietta Hippo, Freddy Frog, Charlie the owl.
I loved this show when I was a kid!

My Husband

I need to brag on my hubby tonight.
He is off working a long night for his family. We needed some extra money so he volunteered for overtime at a job he really doesn't like. Usually when we are short on money it is because I spent too much on the kids or Randy bought too many toys at Best Buy or we just weren't frugal enough. This time it is different.
We made a commitment to help someone out financially. We made the commitment when we had the extra money. Now it is hurting the pocketbook a little and so Randy is being true to his word and going the extra mile to provide for his family and help someone else out. I love him for that.
He provides so I can stay at home and home-school our boys and be a full-time Mom. I love staying at home and he sacrifices so I can do that. If I worked, he could get a job he enjoyed.
He will not do that. He would rather work a job that he is unhappy at so he can provide enough for me to stay home. I love him for that.
I am proud to be his wife.
He works so hard. When I would want to give up when we worked on the house, he kept going.
He never gave up working on our house. When he was tired or discouraged, he just kept going.
He did not want to let his family down. He built us a beautiful, warm house that we can enjoy.
I am one lucky lady.

My perception = My Deception

The sideways glance, the laughter, the well-dressed person, the apparent snub, all of these things can be perceived a certain way.
I learned a valuable lessen about perception.
I have always been paranoid. I assume the worst. Someone is not talking to me because they are mad. I hurt their feelings. If they are mad at me then I am not going to talk to them. All of these dialogues have went through my head multiple times before.
I make an assumption and then take it as fact.
God changed all of that.
I started a friendship with someone I thought had a lot of friends and didn't need one more. Someone I thought was confident and their life was close to perfect.
I found out that that they appeared to have friends, but everyone kept it on a superficial level. Everyone else thought they had plenty of friends, too and that left this person out in the cold.
Never assume anything.
How often did I use to assume something, take it for a fact, then act accordingly.
Now I try to spend time with someone. Ask them about their life. Find out their hopes and dreams. It has suprised me how spending quality time with people has changed me so much.
And if I think someone is upset with me, I just simply ask "Did I do something to hurt you?"
It has surprised me to get the answer to that question, too. Sometimes it had nothing to do with me at all. I was the one snubbing them because, yet again, I assumed something.
It is amazing how not assuming anything and having a dialogue with people has changed my heart.
I have new friends I would never had before.

Back to Work

The holiday season is officially over for the Kemerly's.
Randy is back to work today and we will try to get back to schoolwork for the kids.
I miss Randy when he is not home. I get spoiled having him here all day. The more time we spend together, the more time we want to spend together.
For me one of the only good things about the holidays is Randy being home all day for a week or so.
The holidays wear me out. I think it is mostly because of the traveling. We go North, South, East and west to visit family.
Usually I love Christmas. I listen to Christmas carols all year round. I love decorating the house and making cookies with the boys. I don't know what my problem was this year. I was a big BAH HUMBUG!
It never even felt like Christmas and I was so glad to put away the decorations.
Maybe that is what turning 30 does to me. Turns me into more of a grouch than usual.
But it is a new year and I am in need af a new attitude, so it is perfect timing.
I will have to look back through my calendar to make a post about 2005. I can't remember what happened or what I did all year.
I have lost my memory- something else I can blame on my milestone birthday!