Report

I did not die nor did I vomit from nervousness ( althought I wanted to)
I obeyed and the feeling of relief is overwhelming. God is good and I know His purpose will be accomplished with me doing a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny part.

Another thing on Obedience

I have been in a bit of a mood lately. I feel as though I am spinning my wheels and doing nothing for God. I thought that after we got our foster liscense we would be busy with kids and I would feel as though I as "doing" something productive. Last week as I was praying (whyning) to God about this. I disctinctly heard Him say" If you aren't going to do this one thing for me why am I going to trust you with more?" today I am going to do this one thing even if I puke from nervousness! I know God will be with me and it will be o.k.

Obedience is better than Sacrifice

God asked me to do something a few months ago. I put it on my to-do list and then forgot it. But in my heart I can't for get it, so today is the day.
God's request will only take 5 minuts, tops, out of my day. It isn't even the time involved, it's the fact that what He is asking will stretch me out of my comfort zone. I really am terrified, but I think now I am more terrified of not obeying God.
So I'm going to step out and obey. It is ridiculous how scared I am to do this. If you knew what I was so afraid of you would laugh ( that's why I'm not telling).
So today I will obey. If the results are Earth-shattering I will post them. If not I will just know that I made one more step closer to being fully obedient to God. Sometimes it is the small things that are so hard to do!

Samson & Delilah

Samson was a man set apart by God before his birth. His Momma had special instructions for him. He was a miracle. I am sure he was told all this numerous times during his childhood. Judges 13-16 talks of his life and all the things God did for him and how Samson was a tool in God's great plan. One thing that stuck out to me was the interaction between Samson & Delilah.
The Bible says Samson was in love with her, so he probably wasn't thinking too clearly about making wise decisions when he was with her. I know that she might have loved him, but not enough to refuse 1100 shekels from Samson's enemies, the philistines, for his capture.
This is the part of the story that in reading it you think Samson was an idiot. Delilah gets Samson alone and she gets all cuddly with him and says ," Oh Samy won't you tell me the secret of your strength?". So Samson makes up some bogus amswer and She does exactly what Samson said would subdue his strength and then yells out" O.k. Boys I got him! Come out and take your prisoner." And out jumps all these Philistines to pounce on Samson and take him captive. Samson beats them all up and then Delilah boo-hoos that Samson does not love her. This scenario goes on more than once. Each time there are Philistines in hiding waiting to capture Samson. What makes me think he just wasn't too bright was the fact that the last time he actually tells Delilah the secret of his strength. Seriously what does he think is going to happen now? The Philistines just wanted to sing lullabies to him? They want to capture him and make him their prisoner. And that is exactly what they did.
God got ahold of my heart while reading this because many times I, like Samson, am an absolute idiot. I know exactly what the outcome for my sin will be yet I still play with fire. after the first time Delilah pulled her little stunt, he should have run screaming from the room. But no, just like me I sometimes play with fire. How close to sin can I come without getting burnt? Before I know it I am consumed and I don't even know how.

Glad you are part of my family!

Is there anyone that you are blessed beyond measure to be part of thier family?
I feel that way about a lot of people, but this week I am especially blessed to know Randy's Grandmother. She lives up North and we don't spend as much time with her as we would like, but she is such a sweetheart. She has been writing poetry for God since she was young and never tires of telling others about Jesus' love. Over the last year Randy and I have had the privelege of compling her "book of poems". We have been typing them out and want to get her book finished for Christmas. I have been touched by God every time I sit down to work on this project. Here is one that really made me stop and think.

A Giant

By Ethel C. Kauffman

Be a giant in God's kingdom

Looking to Jesus for our freedom

Rise up in warfare for He watches nearby

Never letting Satan spit in your eye

Rebuke him in all he tries to do

Tell him that Jesus is your mighty tool

For Jesus is my armor and my shield

So leave me alone for I will not yield!

Reading these poems has made me realize what a gift God has given me in the Grandmothers I have and how I was blessed with this wonderful woman when I joined Randy's family. I need to seek the wisdom of Her and my own Grandmother before it is too late. They are a precious jewel that needs to be displayed and admired. Thier wisdom could save me a lot of trials and errors if I would stop to ask and listen. They are truely a gift from God that is often times overlooked.

Feeding the Fat

I sit, every Sunday, and listen and absorb wonderful teaching about God and His Word and how to live a holy life. I ponder it a few days and try to get it into my heart and then I complain that I forgot to tape Survivor and now I don't know who was voted off last week.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

I complain because I do not fit. I don't have a purpose. I use friends and families time and energy to console and pamper me when I am down.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

I sit everyday at a table with a loving husband, healthy kids and full plates of food. Everyday we leave that table with empty plates and full bellies. We thank the Lord for His Goodness to us and leave the table and continue with what we want to do.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

Every week I enjoy a wonderful Bible Study taught by a Godly man who teaches God's truths with a passion. I eat a dinner prepared by awesome cooks who love to make people feel welcome and loved. I enjoy love and fellowship. I feel safe. Who have I invited that needs God's truth? Who needs to feel safe? Who needs to have a meal to fill an empty belly?
I am FEEDING the FAT!

I have so many good teachings, words from the Lord, blessing from friends, love and safety of my family. I am wallowing in goodness. Goodness from God is only good when it is accepted and released. Taken and then given.
I am FEEDING the FAT!

Change, it is coming. It might be uncomfortable, but so necessary.

WHY!?!?

Have you ever noticed how much WHY? sounds like waaaaaa?
Or what the beginning sound of whining (whyning) is?
I had this revelation on my way to work whenI was doing the aforementioned whyning and asking why.
No more WHY!? and waaa and worry. I have to trust God.
My God is a BIG GOD!!

Road Closed

I have concluded that the English words, ROAD CLOSED, when used together on a huge sign in the middle of the road mysteriously changes meaning to a small percentage of my fellow hoosiers.
It some how configures in their brain in the following manner. ROAD CLOSED= speed up as fast as humanly possible, swerve around large sign, continue driving on closed road and try as hard as possible to hit the woman in the middle of the road wearing pink hat.

Attack of the Killer Bees

Most of you have heard my childhood story of getting wasps stuck in my hair and getting repeatedly stung in the back of my head. After that incident I have had a horrible phobia of anything flying around my head. Most of you also know that Randy is a bee keeper so I have had to deal with my phobia head-on the last few years. I really was doing much better. I could even walk out by the bee hives and not break out into a cold sweat. That was until yesterday.
I was out mowing, minding my own business and Wham! the side of my head felt like it was on fire. I started to panic and felt around in my hair. I felt something crawling on my head and the pain just kepy intensifying. I really panicked and was yelling and trying to get whatever it was out of my hair while putting the mower into high gear and racing to the house. By the time I got to the house I had gotten the mystery stinging creature out of my hair and was trying to keep my composure enough to get in the house and get the stinger out of my head. At each pulse of blood went through my head the pain just kept getting worse. I finally had to have Ethan remove the stinger, I just couldn't function because the pain was so bad. He was so sweet and after he made sure I was o.k. He said"Can I finish my game now?" Oh, well I will take what sympathy I can get!
By the time Randy got home I was still hurting and wanting sympathy, but as the evening wore on the pain really got much better. Randy defended his sweet, docile, little honey making machines and said with the pain I was in it had to be a bumble bee or some other flying stinging menace. His kind italian bees would not inflict that kind of pain.
This morning I woke up with a horrible pain at the base of my neck. Right at my hairline at the back of my neck is swollen and it hurts to move my head. I was just thinking of the chances of getting stung in my head twice. And then the opportunity for God to teach me arose. In the worst of circumstances are the best lessons. When we are hurting the most is when we can recieve the best, if we are willing.
I was lulled into a false sense of sucurity in thinking I had overcome my fear. When I overcome a fear or get victory over an area in my life where I sin I cannot let my guard down. I can't get cocky amd think I have overcome this sin with the blood of Jesus and now I cannot be defeated by this again. I was starting to overcome this huge fear in my life and then WHAM! My fear was back full force whenI least expected it. Now I have a choice to make, I can go right back into being scared or I can say this is life, things happen and I won't fall into that pit again. I won't let fear rule over me.

Help Wanted

Job Title : Servant

No experience needed. Previous church title, job, or position not necessary.
On the job training provided.
Only Prerequisite: A humble heart and willingness to listen and obey God in all things.

The most effective people for the job are willing to be anonymous, work hard and expect recognition from no one.
Earthly wage: empty wallet, sore feet, heavy heart and fatigue.

Heavenly wage: Eternity with Jesus

Matthew 20:26-28 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."





Most of my heroes are servants. My family, friends and church are full of my heroes. There are qualities in servants that should make them everyone's heroes.

Happy Birthday Ethan!

Ethan will be 8 on Saturday.
Isn't he the orneriest, cutest kid ever?
Ethan is a tough nut to crack. He is a lot like me, so in some ways I feel horrible for the things I have passed on to him. He is painfully shy. It takes him forever to warm up to someone, but watch out when he does. He is such a clown sometimes I think he is 2 different kids. He loves to joke and tease and just have a good laugh. He has a temper and is so stubborn it drives me crazy. I tell him so many times to use his powers for good and not evil. Randy & I have said since Ethan was just a small baby that his stubbornness will be used for God. Once he gets it in his head he will do something, you had better watch out because nothing will stop him. He is also our little cuddle bug. Not so much now that he is a little older, but he will still give me lots of hugs and kisses throughout the day. He is afraid to try new things , but can excel at most if he would just give it a shot. He loves soccer and refuses to play any other sport. ( we think he is pretty awesome at it,too) As long as no one is watching he will praise God and dance with a passion, but as soon as someone notices him he will stop and almost cry out of embarrassment.
He is such a blessing to our family and we don't know what we would do without our litttle "Sugar Bear' ( I'm not supposed to call him that anymore, but I'm the Mom, I've earned the right!) oh and he has the best fashion sense. For a kid that doesn't want to be noticed he sure knows how to attract attention with his striped shirts, camo shorts and boots!

Hillbilly?

This should, without a doubt, confirm that Randy & I are 100%, all-American, hillbillies!
The picture speaks for itself, but if you are unsure, yes that is a walnut tree growing through the back bumper of our truck.
We laughed so hard when we saw this. Sometimes it is difficult making a go of it out here on our little piece of heaven, but for the most part we have so much fun!

Poor,Poor Zoe

Poor Zoe

Zoe got into a skunk Sunday night. If you were at church I am sure you smelled the pleasing aroma wafting over from our woods. She already had an appt. Monday morning to be groomed, but she still reeked so bad all her hair was removed. Poor baby doesn't know what to do. She won't lay on the floor anymore. She has to be on a rug or her blankie. It is probably too cold. She has this depressed look all the time. Maybe we have a vain dog and she will be depressed until her gorgeous locks grow back in.

Just for Laughs

In the Indy Star today there was an article titled" 'Pretty' couple likelier to have girl."
In a nutshell some brainiac has done a study on the physical attractiveness of a couple and the more attractive they are, the more likely they are to have a girl. It is evolution that the more attractive the woman is she will pass all her "beauty" genes on to a girl so she can snag a good man. Parents with traits more beneficial to the boys like large size, strenght and aggression are more likely to have boys.
Now while I was reading this I was thinking of celebrities (they had a picture of one couple with the article.) When I got done I realized wait a minute I have 2 boys. What are they saying? Are they saying I am ugly? Some people have way too much time on their hands. So are people who have some boys and some girls just kind of ugly?
Have a good laugh about this one ~

The boots are in the closet

My working boots are officially in the closet as of today. They might only be there for a short while. We will have to see how things go. I've got lots of things to tell and wonderful insights to share. Right now I am glad to return to full-time stay-at-home Mom. Construction work is HARD, HARD work ! My bedtime has been 8:30 every night and I know my family would like to see more of me when I am not half asleep at the dinner table. I am proud of my guys, they all pitched in and helped make things work around the house. Not to say I don't have A LOT of cleaning to do today. I'm off to scrub the dirt out of my house!

The Little Red Wagon

It was the summer of 1980. I was about 5 and my brother was 7 years old. One beautiful Saturday morning, our Mom had the audacity to ask us to clean our rooms. Oh, the horrors! Miss all our cartoons to clean up our mess. We lived for Saturday morning and Bugs & Daffy, Woody Woodpecker, the Jetsons. It was like the best part of our week, sitting in our pj's with milk from our cereal dripping from our chins while our eyes were glued to the tv for a few hours. We were done with tv when This Old House or the news came on. Life would then resume as normal and we would play or do whatever mischievious thing would come to mind. This particular Saturday morning our Mom put a kink in our plans. Clean our rooms! What nerve! We refused and she said do it anyway! After much deliberating and pouting about the unfairness of the world we hatched a fool-proof plan. We would run away. That way not only would we not have to clean our room we could have an adventure. If we got stopped halfway to nowhere, our parents would be so glad to have us safe at home that we would probably never have to clean our rooms again, maybe never do chores for the rest of our lives. We would live like Kings!
So we put our plan into action, we dug around in our mess of toys to find our favorites that would go on the journey with us. To an adult it might have resembled cleaning our rooms, but oh no we were packing for our trip. In the time it took us to pack, we probably could have cleaned our rooms and been zombies watching our cartoons, but we had a point to make. We had rights!
We drug our packs through the kitchen and told our Mom farewell. We went outside and got our trusty red wagon.We packed all our worldly possessions or at least the ones we could carry and set of to find a new home and a land of adventure. We pulled and tugged our wagon to the driveway. The excitement was bubbling up in our hearts. What would we see? Who would we meet? What would we eat for lunch? These questions rolled around in our heads. Our little wagon was getting a little heavy and we started to argue with each other about how much of each others treasures should have been left at home. All of our arguements stopped when we came to an abrupt halt. Something had come between us and our journey to see the wonders of the world. We came to the end of our driveway. The road came between us and the wilderness of the world. We sat and pondered our dilemma. We weren't allowed to cross the road. HHMMMM, why didn't we think of that? Who knows how long we sat there until one of us decided we must return to our house and face the music with dignity. We marched back to the house and our Mom just smiled and pointed to our rooms. Now we not only had to clean our rooms, but we had to lug all our"treasures" from the wagon to our rooms. That really stunk and by the time we quit feeling sorry for ourselves and actually cleaned our room it was almost bedtime. What! The whole day wasted, for what? A clean room! Who could of told us it was wasted by attitude and not by the chore.


I was reminded by God of this childhood memory while looking at my own boys disaster area they call a bedroom. God gave me this little thought to ponder on.
How many times does He ask me to do a simple task and I say"no" and have a pity party. I complain about the inequality of life and how unfair things are. I pack my little red wagon and set off to face the world on my own. "Oh He will be sorry for asking more of me than I can handle" Then I get to the road and realize, I can't cross it and if I could where on Earth would I go? He is everywhere. So I deflate my prideful ego and hang my head as I return home and now have all the extra work of unpacking my little red wagon added to my original request from God. Seems pretty silly when I think of it like that!

a Different Perspective

Randy & I recently stumbled upon a song we both really enjoyed. The words were beautiful and powerful. I found the cd and bought it. The entire cd was good, although it was a bit dark & melancholy. After listening to the entire cd and enjoying it, I read the list of people the artist wanted to thank for helping make the music possible. There I found out his wife had committed suicide years before and this was his way of expressing his grief, anger, anguish and probably a million other emotions. That piece of info put it all in a different perspective. The words had a more painful meaning. I can't listen to it now with the same nonchalant attitude. In fact I really don't want to listen to it all because I can't think beyond the pain that caused it to be written.

John Travolta: Grease, Welcome Back Kotter and many other great movies. I used to love watching him and I thought he was pretty cute, too. (that always helps;)
After watching Pulp Fiction though I don't even want to watch any movie with him in it. I just couldn't get past the themes and violence that it contained. But now I have a thought and strong emotion directly tied to John Travolta and it has ruined enjoying any of his work. It is all a matter of a different perspective.
Would I rather be ignorant of Pulp Fiction so I can just enjoy all the other movies?
Would I rather not know the story behind the song so I could just enjoy a good song?
Take this train of thought as far as you want........
I might ponder it some more.

Blogging Break

I have been contemplating taking a break for awhile. For many reasons I need a break.
Blogging has been good for me to get know people better and realize there are people I do not know well and I want to invest some time to get to know them and their family better.

Blogging has been a way for me to express things and share important things going on in my life.
Blogging has been a way to share a laugh and enjoy everyone's crazy experiences in life.

Blogging helped me to realize I still loved writing and it was a great release for me. "The Black Heart" may end up as a book yet.

Blogging was a way for me to get positive feed back and kind of boost a low self-esteem.

For those reasons and more I am sure I will return to blogging at some point.
I have enjoyed reading blogs and being able to share in your lives and the things that are important to you.
I plan to continue that, but in person. I want to continue to develop real friendships and enjoy the ones that God has already given me.
Really i have nothing exciting to say and when I work in the summer it is all I can do to be wife & Mom and keep my sanity.
hopefully when I return I will have something worth saying......... maybe a week, maybe a month who knows, it is a crazy world out there.
( Crazy stuff happens on the construction site, i might have more to say than what I think)

A Whole Bunch of Nothing

* This for you Miriam, since you miss me so much:)


What has been going on in the Kemerly house the last few months:

Soccer is over ( officially on Sat.) Randy will miss it. He enjoys it so much. He is such a good Daddy! The boys will miss it too.

We met some wonderful people through soccer.

God has re-inforced our desire to foster/adopt by bringing the most amazing people into our lives. (That is a whole story in itself. ) I just don't know how it will all fall into place.

Randy & my brother and Matt (Thanks Matt, you don't know how much we all appreciated your help!) put a new roof on my parents house.

We have more big decisions to make in life. It just never seems to quit. There is always some sort of conflict. I keep asking God to tell me what I need to learn because I am tired of going around these mountains!

The boys and I are reading our way through the Chronicles of Narnia. They love it and it is sparking the most interesting conversations. I am amazed at the things they want to know about God and what they already grasp.

randy & I celebrated our 11th anniversary. I can say we are more in love now than when we first married. We truely are best friends and I can't imagine my life without him.

I am soon to go back to work for the summer. I am looking forward to it. Especially after I convinced my Dad & Brother I was NOT kidding about never flagging traffic again!

We are done with year 2 of homeschooling. We are going to try it again next year.too. It was a challenge to home school and foster at the same time, but one of the wonderful people we met through soccer also homeschools and fosters. They helped me to see that I wasn't a total failure at it. I was just human. I couldn't do it all.

So in a nutshell that's what we have been up to. Nothing profound just trying to find our way and be obedient to God. Not always an easy thing to do.