Flagging Traffic

The worst job I have ever had was/is flagging traffic. Whenever my Dad calls and says "wear your orange" I feel like I am going to puke!
To explain for any one who doesn't know and wants some insight into my life.
My Dad and brother started a road construction company a few years ago. Usually it is the 3 of us putting in box culverts or other misc. work for the State of Indiana. It works out great because I can be a full-time Mom for about 10 months and work a couple of months during the summer, make decent money to pay off bills and by the time the job is over I am ready to stay at home again. I am more appreciated at home and I appreciate being at home. A win, win situation. ......... Until I had to flag traffic.

The first couple of times weren't too bad. Then I had a bad experience a couple of years ago. A man was driving and dropped his cigerette(sp?) in his lap. By the time he looked up it was almost too late. He slammed on his brakes and swerved around me. I KNOW for a fact that God spared me because there was no way I should have not been hit. The skid marks alone showed I should have been hit, but God saved me.
I said for get it, I will NOT do that again. My family doesn't listen very well. Last summer they made me flag again. This time a semi apparently thought that I was just kidding with the big red stop sign and decided that he didn't have to stop. This time I dove into the ditch to keep from getting hit!
Then I said to my Dad "I mean business! I will NOT flag again!!!!'
Guess what I did today? I wore my orange and held that stupid sign. They thought it was funny, but I thought i was going to have a panic attack. I only had to do it for a short period of time, but I said "This is my LAST TIME!"
They never listen to me anyway, I wonder why I bother?
They should let me drive the back hoe...... I've gotten better with practice!

A Home Schooling Success

yeah! It is time for school again.
We are home-schooling for the second year and we are slowly trying to get motivated for the year to start.
i just had one of those great moments where I thought "maybe they are ACTUALLY learning something!!!!"

Ethan was asking Elijah questions about the freezing and boiling points of water. Elijah remembered what he had learned from last year and was telling Ethan all about it. It was an exciting moment to realize my kids have retained something from last year.
I have had so many positives from being with my kids. Teaching Ethan to read, Helping Elijah recapture his love of reading, boosting Elijah's self-esteem, discovering Ethan's love of cooking, the list goes on and on. I'm thankful God helped me to go against the grain and not conform just because it was what was best for everyone else. I'm glad God gave me the courage to see what wasn't working for my kids and stand up for them and try a new thing to find out what worked.
I pray I can equip them enough to be a positive influence in society and not be afraid to go against the grain and always be quick to do what is right and obedient to God.
I just pray I can lead them by example and not just by words.

A Minor Irritation

It's always the little things. I am currently trying to prove to a lab that did lab work for Randy that I paid them.
They have my money and now I have to spend my time proving to them that they have my money.
I had to do it last year with the hospital, too.
It's irritating, but I guess it is better than paying them all over again.

Have companies gotten so big and out of touch with their customers/patients that they can't even keep track of who has paid their account and who hasn't?

The Big 3-0

I just turned 30. I thought I would be indifferent about it. No big deal. I have been very surprised about the amount of thought I have put into where my life is and where my life was as an 17 year old and where my life is headed.
I realized a few things about getting older. I have actually learned from my mistakes. My attitudes have changed. I am a stronger person.
When I was 17, just graduated from high school. my life was planned. i would go to college and become some type of professional. I would make a life for myself and in no way would any man tell me what to do. I was my own person I was going to do what I wanted to do.
Then I met Randy and EVERYTHING changed! I fell in love and married way sooner than I had planned. We had a baby and we decided that I would stay home. no career for me. Now the 17 year old me would think I was the stupidest person ever. I thank God He softened my heart because staying home with my boys is one of the most important decisions God helped me make in my life. It is one of the hardest ones to stick with for financial reasons and it is the one decision that has already had the most tangible benefits. Never, ever, ever would I have envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom and loving it so much!
I have seen how my walk with God has changed so much. I think it is for the better. As a new Christian I was intimidated by authority, mature Christians, anyone with power or more knowledge than me. Now I don't have as much knowledge as I should for as long as I have been a christian, but I know God loves me now! That is a revelation that took 12 years of battling with myself on why God shouldn't love me. It has been a long time coming to say God loves me and really know it. i want to walk my own walk now. I am willing to take responsibilty for my own mistakes. I want a one-on-one intimacy with God that is not influenced by the opinions of friends or family or the church. I am realizing how fallible people are. We are full of opinion, but lacking letting God have the full control and admitting we don't know it all. I believe God for all things, but I am ready to stand up for myself and tell people that I am just not interested about opinions anymore. When I stand before God I can't blame my church or friends for my mistakes. I must start taking FULL accountabilty for my actions now. I don't want to play the blame game anymore. I want to live my own life (making decisions with Randy of course) without the commentary of everyone who thinks they know how to live my life better than me.
There is freedom and the peace of God where I am at because where I was strangled by what my parents or friends or sometimes strangers thought, now I care what a select few think, but I will not let that keep me from following after God. Even when it seems what He is saying is too crazy to believe i don't want to miss God because someone called me stupid. I have learned the more I hear it the easy it becomes.
I really don't mind getting older, but now i realize I am not as fun loving as I used to be. I was a crazy cut-up. We would practical joke people in the middle of the night. Even when Elijah was a baby we would put him in his baby seat and I would carry him sneaking through the yard trying to scare Randy's cousin. It sounds kind of stupid, but we had so much fun! I feel like I have become to much of a Mom in the sense of I say things like, "you better quit or you will put your eye out" Geez that is what makes me feel old! If there is any one thing thatI feel was better when I was younger it is the fact that I was so much more fun. I would like to just recapture that part of myself because I liked myself so much better.
So much for the walk down memory lane. Getting older is enevitable so I had better make the best of it!

blessings part 2

I am struggling with some things right now, so I thought it was time to visit my list of blessings.

There is a scripture about to whom much is given much is expected and I believe I have been given much so a lot is expected out of me.

I was given a loving home.
I was given health.
I was given a brain to think for myself.
I was given the ability to zip my lips.
I was given the most wonderful children.
I was given the ability to love.
I was given the ability to forgive.
I was given a husband that treats me better than I ever deserve.
I was given a chance to worship God with every breathe I take.
I was given a home that I don't deserve
I was given a peaceful childhood without any abuse.
I was given parents who loved me enough to discipline me and even tell me "NO".
I was given the opportunity to stay at home with my children.
I was given the ability to cherish every moment with my children and delight in being their Mom.

i haven't even scratched the surface of all the things God has given me, but I feel better just thinking on His good things1

It's in the Mail

Today I mailed our paperwork for the adoption/foster care process to begin. Our classes are scheduled and by mid-September we should be qualified to foster and/or adopt. I just ask for prayers and more prayers.This is a big step.


I had a dream last night that I just can't get out of my head :


I was a part of a military group, but we were civilians. We were in an other country and 3 people from our group went to another command post. While they were gone the President of the country declared war against us. Myself and another person went to help the 3 at the out post. On our way there we were met by a group of Americans who needed a place to hide. It was a diverse group. Young and old, sick and healthy. I decided we had to get them back to the command post we just came from. I was carrying a small child and trying to help a sick woman. We tried to blend in with the inhabitants of the town so the military would not see us. A person I recognized came running to catch up to our group but she was detected by the army. She turned and ran up the side of the mountain to not give us away. She was going from apartment to apartment trying to get in and not look suspicious. My heart broke for her, but I could not help because I had this whole group of people I needed to get to safety. We began walking down side streets trying to avoid the army. A person from this country came up to me and gave me his son to take with me and care for him. I tried to refuse, but he would not take "no" for an answer. we crossed a street and tried to go through the backyards of the homes so we could hide easier. as we about to climb over a fence a large suv pulled into the driveway and the driver started to wave a large machine gun at us and was going to kill us. the little boy who lived in the neighborhood stood in front of us to protect us. At this moment I thought of the president of this country and I was out raged. I saw us all as little pawns in his game. He didn't care if we all died and he didn't care if we killed the man in the suv. He wanted his end result no matter who had to die. Then the face of the president changed and became the devil and I saw that we were all just pawns in his little game. I became furious at being used. I didn't want to be a token to be used at his whim anymore. I refused to play the game. Then I woke up.

Ordinary or extraordinary?

Questions: How do we decide what is an ordinary event?
How do we decide what is an ordinary person?
What makes it extraordinary?

Randy and I watched the movie Miracle with Kurt Russell over the weekend. It made me think. This was a movie about the United States Mens Olympic hockey team. They did the unthinkable and beat the unbeatable Russian team and went on to win the gold. That really isn't where I saw the miracle. It was how the coach picked his team. He didn't go for the super-stars, the ones everyone expected would be picked. He picked each person for a purpose. He didn't pick the extraordinary, he picked the ordinary. What happened after they believed they were a family was a miracle.
There were 3 guys they called "The Cone Heads". They were kind of goofy and no one gave them much of a thought, but they brought their team to victory with goal after goal. The goalie was in a slump after his mother died. They didn't think he could make the big plays, but the coach believed in him and expected him to play to his potential. He gave him a chance.

All of this made me think of my life, how we look at other people. How many times do we over look the ordinary to cling to what we think is extraordinary? We could be extraordinary if we weren't always looking for the extraordinary in people, places or events. How many hurting people could be extraordinary if only they had someone to believe in their potential, someone to just stand by their side. How many of us are "The Cone Heads" that get dismissed, but put with the right team we can excel. Don't over look the ordinary in people or events because God WILL turn that ordinary into EXTRAORDINARY in the blink of an eye, if we would only believe it could happen!

Jump-Start Your Dreams

Have you ever had a dream that you knew would come true, but just kind of pushed to the back burner because it was too big to comprehend?
I have quite a few like that and God is bringing them to the fore front really quickly!
We are on the verge of some life changing things and I am terrified! I think it is more of afraid I am not hearing God and will choose the wrong door so to speak.
He is capable and I think those dreams that we thought too big to come true need to be dusted off, taken out of the box and see what mighty things God will do!

Dirty Laundry

It is time to realize the good things in life. I never thought about laundry being a good thing until we moved into our new house.
When we lived in the trailer we had no room for a dryer, it was placed in our block building quite a ways away from the house. Laundry wasn't a simple task. I had to drag it out to the building rain or shine, day or night. Let me tell you I was scared to death a few times by a possum or raccoon rummaging for food. The joys of country life! There were also the times I had no dryer and had to clean clothes in shifts to get them dry or hang them on the line in the freezing cold.
Now that I have a dryer ( that works) I can so I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!!
It is really a blessing that makes my life easier. As I was thinking of my blessing today I thought "Oh, Lord don't let me take this blessing for granted. Help me to remember what it was like before, so that I don't get greedy." I don't ever want to forget the good things. I don't want to throw them to the side like an old, used toy and greedily ask for more. Help me to be thankful and content and continually use all of the good things God has provided for me.

The Church Lady

The shrill, schreeching of the phone startled the little Church Lady. She was so engrossed with planning her up-coming meeting she really hesitated to even answer the phone.
"Hello" she said in a curt voice.
"Mom, I am so glad I caught you. I have to work over today, could you please watch the girls for me?" It was her daughter, Darlene asking another favor.
"Now, you know I have my Ladies Tea at church today and I just can't do it." Was the Church Ladies quick reply.
"Mom it would really help me out. We are behind on some bills and the overtime is such a blessing." Darlene responded in a weak, tired voice.
" Well if you would have come to church with me like I asked, you wouldn't be in this mess. I really need to hurry, I hope you can find someone. Tell the girls 'Granny loves them', I have to go now, Bye!" And the Church lady quickly hung up the phone without giving her daughter a chance to respond.
Out the door she rushed, she was never late. It would just not look right for the co-chair of the ladies tea to be late. " I shouldn't have answered the phone," she thought with annoyance.
As she hurried down the street reviewing in her head what the topic of the social would be today, she almost ran right into Leroy.
"Hi'ya, Miss Church Lady." He cried out in his tiny, excited, little boy voice.
"Hello, Leroy," she called out as she tried to hurry past him.
"Miss Church Lady, can I rake your leaves today? You said I could and I really could use the money. Tomorrow is Momma's birthday and I want to get her something special." Leroy waited with anticipation for the Church Lady's reply. Already in his mind he was picking out his beloved Momma's birthday present.
"No Leroy, not today, you know I have a meeting at the church. Now run along, I am in hurry," was the Church Lady's curt reply.
Leroy turned to leave, hot tears burning in his eyes. " What good is a stupid ole' church meeting anyhow" he thought angrily.
The Church lady was ecstatic after her Ladies Tea. It always lifted her spirits, being around all of the of the other saints of the church. She had been nominated to head up the bake sale to raise money for the orphanage in China. She was going to bring her famous chocolate chip cookies. She just knew they would be the top seller. She rushed home to get her grocery list together, she wanted to get to baking her cookies right away. Doing work for the church just made her feel buoyant with joy.
At the grocery, the Church Lady made the mistake of getting in line behind a young mother with two small children. The babies were crying and to make matters worse, she didn't have enough money for all of her groceries. As the distraught, young mother made the painstaking decision of which items she would have to do without, the Church lady thought smugly, " Well, I am so glad I have my finances in order. You would never catch me in such a predicament. The good Lord takes care of me because I am always quick to give to those in need. I always send money to the orphans and contribute to the building fund."
That night as the Church lady curled up in her favorite chair, she reflected on her day. Her heart was warm with knowing how much she had accomplished for her Lord today. She would sleep well knowing all was right in her heart. Sweet Dreams, Church Lady.

The Hospital Bed

His tears were hot and salty as they streamed freely down his face. They landed in a huge puddle on the starched white pillow case. His arm ached from the i.v., it was torture to not be able to lay on his side. The white walls of his hospital room closed around him as he cried out to a God he wasn't even sure he wanted to believe existed. He was battling in his mind, his emotions and thoughts and memories were colliding with one another and becoming a mixed up tangled mess. He cried out to a god he knew had forsaken him. He yelled and screamed 'Why, Why, Why' over and over again in his head. 'why did you even create me to live such a mess. I had no Dad to teach me to be a man, I had no Mother to comfort me and teach me about love. I have been abandoned my whole life and now I lay wracked with pain, deserted by the world. Why not just put me out of my misery.' The pain and anguish of this man's cry went straight to the heart of the Father that was with him through it all, though the man was never aware.
The Father's heart ached and said' Oh, my son if you only knew of the people I asked and prompted to come to your aid. The people I put in your path that looked the other way at your plight. They turned their nose up at your predicament. I have loved you from the beginning and I will never give up. I want you to feel My Love.'
As the Father spoke, He sent yet another angel to prompt and prod another child of His to come to this young man's aid. Not far from this young man's hospital door, sat a gentleman doing is duty to visit a sick member of his church. He was going through his day as he wanted, not giving a thought to much of anything at all. He was startled by the gutteral, almost animal-like cry he heard from the young man's room. He thought to himself 'wow, he must be in some unreal pain'. Oh if only he knew that this man's emotional and spiritual pain far surpassed any physical pain he could ever be in. The Father was prompting, directing the gentleman visitor to speak, to love, to just care for this young man filled with anguish and despair writhing in personal agony, fighting every battle alone.
The young man continuing in his personal battle with the Father once again yelled out in the depths of his darkened mind ' Is there not one person who will hold my hand, touch my brow, put a drop of water to my dry parched lips? Am I so meaningless to this world?'
And again the Father cried ' If you only knew what I am doing for you, on your behalf. If only the ones who call on my name will listen and obey, just listen and obey'
As the young man lying on the stark, white bed continued to writhe in his own personal agony, the man in the hallway slowly began to rise and make his way to his door, as if an unseen hand was lifting each leg and gingerly placing it on the floor. Step after careful step he moved closer to the door, not even really aware of what he was doing. Moving unaware, in perfect sync with the Father to be a messenger of love and safety, not realizing he was about to deliver the message of life.

The Mirror

The bright afternoon sun glinted off of the tiny mirror into her pale blues eyes. Her eyes began to water and she gingerly wiped away her tears. She closely examined her face, the wrinkles, the chipped tooth that made her refuse to smile, the gray, thinning hair, the nose that was too big for her face, all of what she percieved to be flaws, mistakes in God's creation. She stumbled as she walked and gripped a little tighter her little companion, her beloved mirror. She never went anywhere without it. While she cleaned house or talked with friends or shopped or walked in her neighborhood, her trusty little mirror was in front of her face reflecting her image and often her moods for her to see and examine. She could look into her eyes in relive the pain of her past, she could focus on all of her flawed features or on good days remember how nice and kind she is and the beauty that she really does possess. She could make sure that everyone perceived her they way she wanted as she talked to them. Her little mirror kept her enraptured in it while she went about her daily business.
As she walked on this sunny afternoon, peering deep into her watery, blue eyes, she thought how awful her life has been, how everyone mistreats her. She paid no attention when she walked around the little girl crying on the walk, but she couldn't miss the little, pink bike with flowers and streamers on the handlebars. She stumbled over the bike tire laying across the sidewalk. She tried putting her hand out to grab ahold of anything to catch her fall. She landed in a crumpled heap on the sidewalk. She checked herself to make sure nothing was hurt or even broken. Then she saw it. Her beloved mirror, it lay shattered on the ground. It was in a million different pieces, there was no way to salvage it. She was heartbroken. What would she do? How would she make it through her days without it to focus on. As she sat crying and wondering what she would do, she felt a tiny arm go around her shoulder. The little girl sat, with her tears dried, next to the little lady comforting her, giving her reassurance that it would be o.k. The little girl helped her up and brushed off the dried leaves and dirt that clung to her skirt. The little girl steadied the little lady and helped her on her way home. The little lady was lost without her mirror. She didn't know what to do with herself. She thought she must look an awful mess, but the child didn't seem to mind. She chatted cheerfully that her bike would be o.k. and hopefully her mother would find the time to put a bandage on her knee. The little old lady looked at the child and then she noticed the blood flow freely down her leg, staining her frilly white socks and white tennis shoes. The little lady was horrified. This child has been comforting her without any thought to the pain her own tiny body was in. The little lady was appalled at her own self-absorption. How could she miss this little girl's injury? She reached down and gathered the tiny child in her arms and hugged her with all of her might. She then led her home to make sure that her bloody knee would get the loving, gentle attention it so desperately needed.

Steamed Vegetables

The restuarant was alive with action as waitresses buzzed from table to table. We waited patiently for our food, talking, enjoying the activity of the place. Our stomachs grumbled and growled as we continued to experience the tantalizing aromas of other people's dinners. With eager eyes we watched for the moment our waitress would stop at our table with our food, ready for us to devour it. At last it came, piping hot, fresh from the kitchen. As we looked at the presenation of our food were we taken by the artistic nature of it. The pure beauty of the steaming plate of vegetables. The crisp green broccoli, the brilliant orange carrots, the sunny yellow squash, even the muted brown mushrooms were shimmering in their golden buttery sauce. The pureness of God's garden creation, unaffected by man. Tenderly picked and washed of the earth still clinging to the ripe vegetables, tossed in herbs and seasonings, steamed to perfection.
As I was ready to dive into my delectable dinner I heard my companion say" Excuse me, Miss, but could I get some cheese sauce for this." I was crestfallen, cover God's glorious bounty with man-made processed cheese product. As I watched they poured the gooey, greasy, gloppy cheese all over the vegetables, covering their pureness and beauty with false man-made products. Covering up all of the wonderful benefits of the rich vitamin A, C, B and many more with cholestorol and calories. The pureness of the vegetables were gone, covered, overshadowed by man's taste buds for his own desires.

A Story About Love

Once upon a time there was a handsome man who loved a beautiful woman. He called her two or three times a day and said" Darling, I love you!". Whenever he would see her at the mall or grocery store, he would say,"Darling, I love you!" After awhile the beautiful woman grew tired of this and spoke to her mother about it.
"Mother, he says he loves me, but he never takes me for walks and holds my hand, he has never come to meet you and Dad, he never takes me out to eat. He will not talk and share his life with me. When I am in need I feel like I am a burden to him. Is this truely love? Is this all love is?
The mother tried to console her daughter and told her she must decide what she thought love was.
The next day the handsome man called to say," Darling, I love you!" This time the beautiful woman said this," Do not say you love me if you have no action behind it. Your words are detestable to me. You do not love me. You make yourself feel better by saying it. You take no time for me or to share our lives together. Show me you love me and I will know, say you love me and I know it is just to tickle my ears. I do not want to hear 'I love you' again!"
The handsome man was puzzled by this, but thought " She is upset, I will give her time alone and she will see the error of her ways. She will apologize for hurting me."
The beautiful woman began a journey to find out what love really meant to her and found most of all it was an action that didn't ever need to be spoken in words. She could see it not just hear it. She could experience it. She could give it. She never knew love more than when it was demonstrated to her and she never again wanted to just hear the words,"Darling, I love you!"


THE END

My Inner Redneck

Growing up I was always a bit ashamed of my country up-bringing. I felt I was a lower class.
As an adult I am so glad for it. I am proud to be a red-neck, hilly-billy, or country bumpkin.
here is my list of proof I am a red-neck:

1. It is impossible for me to say "hill". It comes out"heel"
2. I learned to drive on my Dad's Allis Chalmers tractor. After mastering that I got up- graded to the old truck to pick-up rocks in the field.
3. I know what a ravelin is and use it frequenty in conversation.
4. I once tried to ride a cow. My Dad refused to buy me a horse-something about them not being practical. I decided to ride our beef cow. I got bucked off and landed in a huge pile of manure. My Mom was NOT happy.
5. I Hate wearing shoes.
6. In school I always had to explain what a "Mamaw and Papaw" were. No one called their Grandparents that.
7.I love Blue Collar T.V.
8. My favorite song growing up was "Elvira" by The Oak Ridge Boys. Elvira, Elvira, My Hearts on Fire, Elivra. What a great memory.
9. My family sits together and enjoys the Dukes of Hazzard on a regular basis.
10. Some of the "You might be a redneck...." jokes are a very true thing in my family.
11. My brother and my cousin could pass for Larry the Cable Guy's twin. No joke. Sleeveless Shirts and all.
12. We have been known to sit in our lawn chairs around our guinea's cage and just watch them. Country livin' at its best!
13. Duct tape will truely fix almost anything.
14. At family get togethers, never ask what the meat is, it could be bear, squirrel, rabbit, caribou, deer, the possibilities are endless.

All joking aside, I am proud of my family and the up-bringing I had. I am also proud of how Randy and I are trying to raise our kids. I enjoy country life and I am glad I finally quit being ashamed of it!

Prayers for the children

I have been thinking alot about prayers, especially concerning my children. I pray daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes by the minute (depending on the day!) for them. I don't want them to have the same struggles I have had finding God and realizing His Love. So I pray a lot for the kind of men they will grow up to be and mostly that they will have such a personal relationship with Jesus that they will cling to Him through all things, at all times, and that they will listen to the voice of God and be quick to repent, quick to forgive, and quick to obey.
I believe with all of my heart that God hears and is now honoring my prayers, but lately I have been crying out for all of the children who have no one to pray for them. What happens to them?
I think about the children in foster care. When they turn 18, are they are automatically suppposed to know how to be a viable part of society? I am not putting down our system at all, I'm just thinking out loud I guess on how people turn out the way they do.
I guess I need to quit watching the news because I am overwhelmed with how evil humans are.
The horrible things we can do to each other. The things that are done to children and we wonder why they can't adjust and be a part of society.
I know God has laid a specific burden on my heart for children who have no one to love them, but sometimes it is so big I can't stand the weight of it. I can't sleep at night for all of the thoughts in my head. The enormity of it boggles my mind. There are a few things I have been pondering and seeking God to put some action behind my prayers.
I know God is a big God and He loves His children. There are so many things I won't ever understand and I pray that I will be willing to put my hand to the task God has set before me.
I know I am incapable of doing anything on my own, so I pray that God will strengthen me and help me to rely completly on Him!

It only takes one

It only takes one negative word to over-ride dozens of positive. I have negatives that I was told in elementary school that over-ride the hundreds of positives that I have heard since. I don't want it to be that way, but for me it is. I just decided today that I don't want to be that ONE anymore. I have said my fair share of negatives throughout my life and I am sure some of my words are still stumbling blocks for people. So with God's help I want to quit being the one or two or three or more negatives that are heard and start being a positive.

Can I be too organized?

After Randy and I moved into our new house I turned into a neat freak. I am completely addicted to plastic totes. I have everything organized and labeled in a tote, on a shelf. I didn't see it as a problem until today. Yesterday we had family over for Elijah's birthday party. he received a slide making kit to go with his microscope. As I sat at the computor today I saw the kit nice and neat on a shelf with his microscope. How is he to play and experiment with it if I have it tucked away on a shelf?
I think I have cleaned and organized my way right out of living. I want everything in a nice neat labeled box and if it is not I freak out, every part of my life is that way, even my brain. I compartmentalize everything. I am sure there is some sort of phsychological disorder I can claim to have. I guess the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem, right!
Randy and I were at Fazoli's the other day and they have glass bottles lined up in the windows. They weren't lined up according to color and it was driving me nuts, I just wanted to rearrange them. The boys have art supplies and play-do in nice neat totes that they hardly ever get to play with because it is just too messy. Enough examples of my craziness, I'm sure someone thinks I need to be committed at this point.
I guess more than anything it was just a moment of clarity when God really spoke to my heart this morning to say"Lighten up!" I need to just have some fun, quit worrying about the messes because they will always be there. I will never be able to have all the messes in my life cleaned up, whether in my house, on my kids, in my relationships or in my heart. I can waste my whole life sitting with everything clean and orderly and be miserable everytime another mess comes or I can have a little fun making some messes of my own.
This makes me think of Ms.Frizzle on Magic School Bus"It is time to get messy, make mistakes and something else, I forgot the rest. Sorry I have resorted to quoting cartoons, but that is my life! So I am off to enjoy the day and forget the messes, they will always be there and from my experience I am really good at making some myself!

I am waaaaaay toooooo Young!

Elijah is now nine. I am way too young for this.
He told me yesterday that he is so excited because he has always wanted to be nine and now his dream has come true. I thought that was so sweet and just so much like him to say it.
I don't know if God could have created a more tender- hearted kid. Some days I sit in wonder how God could have blessed me with such wonderful kids. I have a good life and I really don't deserve it!

Credit Cards

Credit cards are a symbol of instant gratification to me. When I was in college I had one with a $500 limit and it took me more years than I want to think to pay it off. When I wanted something I bought it. I didn't think that in a month I would have to pay for it.
Things changed when I got married, but we have still had our own struggles with credit cards.
What really has made my think of this is how many times do I prevent God from blessing me because I was in too much of a hurry to get something.
When things are going good I can put it on my visa and not think another thing about it.
I want it, so I buy it. How selfish is that?
There have been times in my life that I had no extra money and I learned to do without. I learned not having everything I wanted would not kill me.
Recently God has blessed my family and we are getting out of debt and financially have a little bit of breathing room for the first time in our married life.
The problem with that is I can go to the store and get what I need and in most cases what I want, I don't need to pray and ask God to help me out.
I have been getting convicted on that so I just quit buying anything except groceries and essentials and just asking God for my other needs and mostly wants.
Can I just say God has shown up in a mighty way. It is so restful not trying to figure it all out on my own. If I need it he will provide a way.
There have been a few instances that have blown my mind so I wanted to share.

Ethan puts a hole in almost every pair of pants he owns. He is also very particular about what kind of pants and shirts he wears. They need to fit a certain way and he has a thing about lots of pockets on pants and striped shirts. Well anyway I usually by end of season clearance for the boys in clothes and save a lot of money. I hadn't been able to find any for him. I knew he was running out of pants , but I just didn't want spend $25 on a pair of pants. At church someone gave me a whole bag of clothes for the boys. Inside were two pairs of pants exactly like what he loves, and striped shirts, he was so excited. God even knows what kind of pants my six year old loves to wear!

Last week Randy and I were shopping with the boys. we were looking at weight sets, but I refused to pay $200-$300 for one. So we went to another store, there we ran into my brother and his father-in-law. We talked and it came up what we were looking for. Gary said "Hey I have a really nice weight set at my church you can just have." My brother called me yesterday and will deliver it to our house on Thursday. We don't even have to pick it up. Wow!! I could name instance after instance where God showed up when I was patient and waited on Him. He has given us a car when we needed one, a dryer, clothes, food, money , the list goes on and on of how He provides when I sit and wait and don't try to solve it myself.

Here is where God is really speaking to me. Wait on Him and He will provide and this is the big one: I HAVE to be willing to let go of all of my possessions as well. I need to obey Him and be willing to bless others and not always want to receive. I need to be able to say I own nothing! God is in control of everything and I will freely give as He says.